I have been married 4, 14 yrs. We have a 23 yr. ol' together.He has got real bad with his drinking 4 the last 8/10 years. Still works everyday. but, I have to listen 2 him the next day, His moods change in 0 point 2 seconds. and he works out of the house. I never get a mins break from him. while living there, I am handicaped waiting for a knee replacment. I have been out of the house 4 the last yr. in my own apt.on disabilty. he dont hit me but he is very controlling. he has my car and won't give it 2 me. he also has the house his truck everything in the house. he changed the locks so I don't have keys. I have alot of personal things still there. my nerves r shot. my health is not good @ all. me son I don't know if he will ever marry with some of the things he has seen. I'm afraid he is going 2 get his father.I have done my best to raise with with good strong morals. & he does ! the mental and things he pulls. Don't think I can take much more.. Please help, what u would do ?
2006-07-03 13:53:10 · 16 answers · asked by Nancy D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should contact your nearest abuse shelter, there should be some in the phone book. You don't need him in your life and after you go to court and get a restraining order, you can have the police escort you to your house to get your belongings.
2006-07-03 14:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by missleyden 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation like that for ten years - my husband's drinking worsened over the years, and so did the mental abuse. I left in April of 2005 with our three young children (8, 4, and 1), and my divorce was finalized in May of 2006. The first several months were very difficult, but I look at the peaceful family I have now and the lack of a dysfunctional situation. I am so glad that I made the decision I did because of how it affected the kids. It's scary to do, but once you get away from that control you'll feel so much more independent and at peace with yourself. Get out while you can!
2006-07-03 14:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by TEACHER34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law gave up and started over, it can be done. If he is controlling everything, pretend your personal belongings that are still in the house were lost to fire/flood/robbery, and mentally let them go. Go to Al-anon and talk to other people who will support you. Other members may even be willing to give you a ride to meetings. If the car is truely yours (all the papers are in your name) you should be able to have the local police help you get it back. It may not be worth it if your husband might mentally snap, think it through before you proceed. You could also get the police to help you get back your stuff from the house. Good luck. Make the best use of all the support you can find!
2006-07-03 14:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by Joyce T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is a tough situation. But I know how you feel. The best thing to do it since you are on disability...get help with your bills and stuff and move so far from him. Hw will not change and is judt robbing you of the rest of your life. Just think if you have bad health you should be enjoying your life.....teach your son that women are strong and don;t need a lousy guy only good ones....there is still a chance for real love...don't waste another minute you can do it girl....
2006-07-03 13:58:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think controlling can lead to hitting. And drinking can make him do things he might not normally do. At the very least, I think when he is in a reasonable mood, talk to him about getting help.
But if you feel that he might get violent at the suggestion, maybe tell him when your friends or relatives are there with you. He might be more agreeable to getting help if he's outnumbered.
If he refuses, find help from a friend or relative to leave & live with that friend or relative, while he's at work.
2006-07-03 14:08:15 · answer #5 · answered by cassicad75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say to help is sit down with your husband one on one and explain everything that is bothering you. Take him out to eat or go somewhere where the two of you can be alone and relaxed at the same time and just talk. if that doesn't work the sign the two of you up for counseling. If all fails then get a divorce and move on with your life.
2006-07-03 13:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by Simmy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself to an Al-anon meeting--a support group for those with alcoholic spouses [http://www.alanon.org.za/]. Stop being an enabler. Mental abuse is worse than physical.
2006-07-03 16:04:57 · answer #7 · answered by magnoliasandjazz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has done beat you down, that you are afraid to make decisions, he is only as strong as you let him be, stand up for yourself. don't let him beat you back down mentally. the best thing you can do is not let him speak to you for any reason. that's how those people do their damage, by being allowed to speak to you. not another word, make him send you an e-mail or text message if he has info for you.
2006-07-03 14:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MY HEART REACHES OUT TO YOU! I LIVE WITH MY HUSBAND OF 34 YEARS BUT 25 OF THEM WERE HEAVY DRINKING YEARS. I AM LUCKY. HE DECIDED AFTER 25 YEARS TO MAKE A CHANGE IN HIS LIFE. I HAD 2 BOYS THAT SAW THIS AND I WILL SAY IT DID MAKE AN IMPACT ON THEIR LIVES. I TALKED TO THE PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH FOR COUNSELING. HE HELPED ME GET OUTSIDE HELP AS WELL AS BEING ABLE TO TALK AND THINK THROUGH SOME COMMON SENSE. IT IS A HARD THING TO GO THROUGH BUT POSSIBLY YOU COULD START WITH YOUR LOCAL PASTOR. HE OR SHE WILL BE ABLE TO STEER YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-03 16:15:56 · answer #9 · answered by HolidayGurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, mental abuse is just as bad as physiucal abuse, if not worse, because emotional scars are harder to heal.
2006-07-03 13:55:58 · answer #10 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋