I have this condition, and I need some advice?

Question

I have this condition where I'm not able to be penetrated by my bf. I really want to , and we have tried over and over again. I found out recently that I have Vaginismus, and i'm unable to take in my man. Anyway, we are fighting because of this, he has been name calling that area of my body , " My reeking to tight unusable poonany" and its really hurting my feelings. Anyway, I caught him watching some adult videos w/ his sister , Deep Anal Cravings. I was wondering if any of you out there think it would be wise to take it in the backside. It goes against all that I believe in, but I want to make him happy, and I really tired of fighting. God Bless you all.

Answer 1

If your boyfriend was being considerate and mature and actually cared about you, then you might have arrived at this junction mutually and sooner.

I'm sorry for your condition. I know nothing about it except what you briefly described and it's natural for couples to want to copulate, so if one orifice is unavailable it's logical to consider another.

Your objections to anal sex aside, and even momentarily disregarding your condition, the deeper issue of his immaturity remains. Resolve that, if you can, and move on from there.

Otherwise, consider moving on to another boyfriend.

Answer 2

How old are you? This condition is a psychological problem...you know what it is and you aren't getting treatment for it?

Vaginismus is a condition which affects a woman's ability to have sexual intercourse, insert tampons and undergo gynecological examinations. This is the result of a conditioned muscle reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle in which they clamp shut, making penetration either extremely painful or impossible. The severity of vaginismus varies from woman to woman.

It is important to remember that the woman does not choose for this to happen; it is a reflex reaction.

There is no one reason that a woman may have vaginismus and in fact, there are a variety of factors that can contribute. These may be psychological or physiological and the treatment required will usually depend on the reason why the woman has the condition. Some examples of causes of vaginimus include sexual abuse, strict religious upbringing, being taught that sex is dirty or wrong or simply the fear of pain associated with penetration, and in particular, losing your virginity.

If the cause of vaginismus is psychological then it is usually important to treat those aspects of the problem as well as the actual muscle spasm. This will usually require help from a therapist or psychologist as it is very important to get to the root of the problem.

If the vaginismus does not have any psychological grounds then physical treatment alone may be enough to fix the problem. This includes sensate focus exercises, exploring the vagina and desensitization involving vaginal dilators. Dilating involves inserting objects (usually mildly resembling a penis in shape), into the vagina. Whatever objects the woman chooses to use for dilation, they should gradually increase in size as she progresses. Medical dilators can be obtained from online resources but are often quite expensive. There are many other options though, some women use vegetables and candles covered with a condom, q-tips or simply their own fingers. It is very important to use personal lubricant whilst dilating as it makes insertion a lot easier and less painful.

The process of curing vaginismus is usually a long one and will require patience, will power and determination; in almost all cases it can be successfully treated. Many people don't take into account the emotional problems associated with vaginismus such as low self esteem, insecurities and often even depression, so it is very important that if women choose to seek the help of professionals, they should try to find someone who is very understanding and who has previous experience with vaginismus.

Answer 3

If you have vaginismus - you won't be able to "take it in the backside" either. And even if by some miracle you could, you will do nothing but exacerbate the original problem. Surgery will also make the condition worse.

It sounds to me like this is NOT the person to help you overcome this disorder. Dump him and go through the therapy yourself, then find a real man who considers your feelings above his own.

Find yourself a doctor who will prescribe dilators as treatment to help you overcome. Yahoo also has some groups you can join for support.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You have the options; Anal, Oral and find a man sensitive to your condition. Below may help. Good Luck!
Vaginismus is an uncommon condition, occurring in less than 2% of women in the US.
The treatment of choice with vaginismus is an extensive therapy program that combines education and counseling with behavioral exercises. Exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises) to improve voluntary control.
Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using plastic dilators. This should be done under the direction of a sex therapist or other health care provider and treatment should involve the partner. This treatment should gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in intercourse.
Educational treatment, including information about sexual anatomy, physiology, the sexual response cycle, and common myths about sex, should be provided as well.
Expectations (prognosis):
When treated by a specialist in sex therapy, success rates are generally very high.
Complications:
Vaginismus is one common cause of female sexual dysfunction, which may lead to dissatisfaction and discord in intimate relationships. This problem can lead to erectile dysfunction in the male partner after repeated unsuccessful attempts at intercourse.

Answer 5

Wow. Your boyfriend really sounds like a catch...*sarcasm*.
He seems more concerned with what HE gets out of it, than you or your feelings! I think you should really consider finding the strength to dump him. Even if that means you may be alone for a time, you shouldn't have to put up with people like that for anything. You(whether you think it or not) are worth more than that.
Anal sex, can be sensual but it can also hurt a LOT and the anus lining is prone to tearing, causing bleeding. Many folks do it, many don't. The decision to practice anal sex is yours, but any decision like that should be made for your benefit, no-one Else's.
A word of caution though. Your self esteem WILL suffer, not just because of his resentment of your tight vagina, but due to you changing your beliefs for him and not you.

There are other men out there, who would treat you better, I believe. Example: My wife, at one point in our relationship, could not give me sex for psychological reasons. This lasted years! Although frustrated, I did not wreck her already low self image because of it! There ARE other ways to please, like oral, or even mutual masturbation.

Wishing you good judgment.

PS: I would just like to point out, as a challenge to the uneducated and as a point of fact, that weirdo fernado is WRONG in her warnings of future medical problems.

Answer 6

Owww....no. Don't do it if you don't want to, even if all you WANT is to please him. It just isn't a good idea...he may just like watching that kind of thing or something. Is there no other answer to this problem? And...he was watching adult films with his SISTER?? Whaaat? I don't get that...doesn't sound too good. Besides, if he's saying bad things about your body that's just rude and insensitive...and that kind of talk needs to stop.

SO...you've talked to the doctor about fixing this problem? Any answer that you'd like to follow up on? If you haven't found an answer yet...all I can say is good luck. I know what it's like to want to please your boyfriend...if you love him enough you're tempted to do everything for him...which is only an advantage to him and more than likely a bad idea for you to have.

Answer 7

First I suggest that you do what is right for you. If you do not believe in taking it in the backend - don't.

I understand the desire to make your man happy, but if your man really cares for you he should be understanding of your problem and be willing to work with you to come to a suitable answer that works for the both of you.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 8

i do not think it would be wise at all, for one if your a christian it states in the bible not to do this, also, in general, if you do this it is not healthy at all, you will down the road will start out having constipation problems than after that, you will not be able to make it to the toliet in time. trust me on this, i have seen these problems with people i hold close.

Answer 9

Have you been to a doctor, is there surgery for it? I wouldn't recommend that you do anything that goes against your beliefs. It may not even satisfy him. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

How sad that you have this condition. The only cure for it is to dump it!! He should be more concerned about you than he is. Good luck. I am glad I am a lesbian!