Does anyone know any really funny jokes or scary urban legends?

Question

I'm looking for funny jokes of all different kinds- everybody's got one! Share some laughs!
Also- scary urban legends! What are the best ones that you've heard?
All are appreciated!

Answer 1

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

Answer 2

Funny Urban Jokes

Answer 3

http://www.leelanau.com/nmj/views/books
Check out the link above. This is about the ghost lights in Palding, Michigan, which is in the Upper peninsula. I have witnessed the lights and it's a pretty moving thing to see. As the website states it is a very popular tourist attraction now, however it is free. This is seen in the north woods about a mile off the main highway. Anyone can get there. At the right time of the evening you can see the light down the railroad track way off in the distance and it slowly moves toward you, kind of swinging back and forth like a pendulum, or as a conductor of a train would swing a lantern as a signal. The closer it gets to you the larger the light appears. Some people say they also hear a hum.. such as electrical interference as the light gets nearer. I did not hear this, just saw the light. When you try to approach it, it disappears then starts all over again way off in the distance where it came from to start. So far no one has been able to find out what this is.

Answer 4

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Does anyone know any really funny jokes or scary urban legends?
I'm looking for funny jokes of all different kinds- everybody's got one! Share some laughs!
Also- scary urban legends! What are the best ones that you've heard?
All are appreciated!

Answer 5

My cousin owns a restaruant. Once, his cook's roomate's brother went fishing with his brother. A storm brewed up and they left to head back home. Listening to the radio on the way home, they heard that there was a tornado watch. That's when the saw a hitchhiker. She was wearing a dress and only had a shawl to keep her warm. It was right by the local church graveyard. They asked her where they could take her, but she remained silent. Her skin was so pale, it was nearly white as a sheet. After a few miles she told the that the bridge was out and they'd have to take the long way around. A few miles later they came to the bridge. Or at least where the bridge used to be. They turned around to ask her how to go around the river, but she was GONE!!!! They quickly drove to a nearby dinner. They went inside to wait out the storm and recover from their fright. They began to tell their story. The entire place went silent. The waitress asked them to describe the girl which they did. "That was Jennifer Rilley" she said. "She was in a terrible accident years ago at that very spot." One of the men asked "You mean she died? We've been driving a ghost around?" "Nope. She's still around, but now every time it rains she enjoys going out and scaring the stuffing out tourists." When the rain let up they went outside, looked in the back seat and found the shawl. However, their tackle boxes were missing.

Answer 6

funny jokes scary urban legends

Answer 7

this one was told to me by my then future father-in-law while we were waiting in line to get into a restaraunt, the day after I met him. (a couple decades ago; the man still has a thousand jokes to tell).
A rather grizzled old man walks into a drug store, walks around for a while apparently unable to find what he wants. He finally goes to the back and asks the pharmacist for a package of rubbers. The pharmacist is rather amazed because of the old man's apparent age, so he smiles and says, "I have just what you need." He hands the man a box of expensive condoms, but says, "For you, that will only be three dollars, plus fifteen cents for the tax." The old man looks back at him in shock, and says, "I don't want no damn tacks! I use rubber bands!"

Answer 8

A young girl was left alone at home for the first time with only her dog to protect her, she heard a bulletin on the radio about a Dangerous Lunatic that had escaped from a nearby asylum, she immediately locked all the doors and went to bed. A dripping sound from the bathroom made it difficult to fall asleep, she reached down under her bed to make sure her faithful dog was by her side, he replied by licking her hand enthusiastically. The next morning when she woke up and went to the bathroom room, she found her dog hanging from the shower nozzle, blood dripping from his torn throat, on the mirror written in blood were the words: "People can lick, too!"

Answer 9

i know a good pick up line " Do you have a mirror in your pants cuz i can see myself in it." LoL i love that one

Answer 10

here's a whole website of 'em!!