Guys opinion preferred-will my boyfriend come back??

Question

My boyfriend/ex,dont quite know what to call him at the moment told me last monday that he wasn`t sure if he was still in love with me or if he only loved me because of our 3 1/2 year old son,but he stayed until wednesday morning and we tried to talk things through but he seemed really confused.One minute he`s telling me he doesn`t know how he feels then the next he says he`s not sure if he`s doing the right thing.I met him when i was just turning 18 and he was 22 and we`ve been together for almost 6 years,he has always enjoyed a drink and always binge drinked at weekends but lately started staying out all weekend almost but he says he`s never cheated on me and i do believe him,the last i saw him was on thursday when he came over to collect some of his clothes and i ended up telling him to take everything and he did but he still told me he hopes he`s not making a big mistake and then in the next breath tells me i`ll get over this,i`m still confused and would appreciate a guys view,help

As i have previously said the last time i spoke to him was when he left on thursday and he text and emailed me on the friday but i didn`t reply,i didn`t contact him at all over the weekend although i was desperate to but he didn`t get in touch with me till tonight by text and asked me how i was,i asked him to give me a quick call to arrange for him to come over and see our son he said he would and 5 hours later i`m still waiting,this is how he treated me when he went out at weekends in fact he would never answer his phone at all and occasionally send me the odd text.The thing i`m so angry about is the fact that he didn`t even give me a warning to how he`s been feeling and we could both have tried to fix things and how he could walk away and leave me to bring up our son who has learning difficulties and can be a difficult child as he gets frustrated,i feel as if the last 6 years of my life have just been a complete waste of time as he was my first serious boyfriend.

He is out getting pissed all weekend with guys from work apparently.

Answer 1

I think you should be asking yourself 'Do I want him to come back?' if you're going to end up hurt again a few months down the line.

Answer 2

Oh dear. Love is very hard. I'm not a guy, but I'll tell you this from experience. It kind of sounds like he needs some time to figure stuff out.
By the looks of it, he's probably feeling a little tied-down by the whole having a child thing so early in his life.
If you love him, leave him alone.
If you keep bugging him or anything like that, he won't be able to think about how he feels, or notice if he actually misses you as a person, because you'll be there bugging him.
I know it'll be hard to do this, but if he truly loves you, then of course he will come back.
And if he feels like he's lost you, then he might stop taking you for granted.
He just needs space. It'll hurt in the time you're without him, but let him see your son on his own. This will give him the satisfaction of seeing his son, and if he really does love you, regardless of whether you had a son or not, then he'll miss YOU when it's just your son there with him.
He'll come back to you if he wants you after he's had time to think. And he'll know if it's a mistake or not in his own time, don't tell him it is during that time he's alone. Let him figure stuff out for himself.
And don't let him mess you around either.
You're not to be taken for granted.
If he won't stay in a loving relationship with you, then he can atleast have a good relationship with your son.

Answer 3

I guess no one can tell - only God knows if he'll be back. It is apparent that you got into a live-in relationship a bit too early in life. Or in another way of putting it, you got on the physical aspect much too soon. Must be that youthful passion that we are all familiar with.

Life is a series of steps that we need to take one at a time. No shortcuts and you need to go through each and every step in a sequence. That we call growth or maturity. Having said that, I guess both of you are really not emotionally prepared to take on married life -t he fact that you are/were simply living in and not married in a church (I do not intend to be preachy but I hope you know what I mean). Your only bond is your 3-1/2 year old love child. The "adjustment" is much easier on you being a woman as you have that maternal instinct.

I am not saying that he will not be back but I would suggest that you try to start life over on your own. Sad and difficult yes, but you have no choice at the moment. What you need to do is to make yourself strong for yourself and for your kid.

I would also suggest that you look for a support group for counselling or simply to have someone to talk to or share with. It is difficult to be a single parent and you need all the help you can get. And lastly, - not to be preachy again - pray if you must. Never lose hope.

I will be praying for and with you.

cheers and God bless.

Answer 4

Plain english he was 22 years old and got in a relationship which ended up having a child. You say he is always deinking on the weekends and binge drinking...this sounds like someone who was not ready to be in a parenting relationship from the start. As for him not coming home for several days...straight out there is another female probably without children and into the bar scene that he's probably cheating with. Even though he says he's not that is a cop out because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

E's husband

Answer 5

When doubt sets in its hard to trust and if he's drinking you may find him staying away at weekends is the least of your problems' you think that he's worth the wait, as far as i can see you don't need him around get on with your life, the more independent and self reliable you are the better it will be for your child and your peace of mind later on, that does not mean you should exclude him from helping with the child by all means keep him involved as much as you feel is necessary for your child's benefit,as long as he behaves in a responsible and adult way. good luck hope that helps

Answer 6

He probably is cheating on you, and he is showing you a major amount of disrespect, as well as your son. He is being selfish, and he needs to get a rude awakening. Do not take him back because he will do this again. If he says he wants to come back at some point, tell him that he needs to quit 100% drinking and that he needs to go to an AA program. If he fights/argues with you, he isn't sincere, and is only looking for the convenience of having you hanging around when he wants a piece. Please get away from this guy.

Answer 7

You sound like you know what you want out of life, now you have to be brave and take it. The guy's got responsibilities and he's not taking them on. If you wait for him to grow up it'll be too late, let him go and move on with your life. One important thing to mention, don't for one minute think you wont easily find a decent bloke because you have a young child, you'll do ok. Good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like he has found someone else - but wants to keep you around as a contingency plan.. It does sound like he's confused - possibly because of your child & the other woman? depends on where he's staying during the weekend..

I think he still does love you - but is confused with everything...

Cant really help much more... ;(

Hope you sort it out.....

Answer 9

Can't help but to feel that in one of his nights out he may have done something he now regrets. Sometimes a guy in this situation begins to behave in a way that, because of his own guilt, forces the other person to push him away and that makes him feel better. Regardless of the circumstances don't let him think your relationship has a revolving door, unless it does when ever he does something dumb or is in doubt.

Answer 10

Girl, it seems that he isn't grown up yet, and you don't need that type of influence on your baby. You need a real man to be around, not someone trying their best to become alcoholic. My advice for you is to let him go, make him pay you child support, then find love somewhere else. It would be much better for you to be single and lonely, then shacked up or married and miserable. Your child also doesn't need to be raised in that type of atmosphere. Keep you chin up, be the best mom that you can, and you'll find love. I wish you only the best...........

Answer 11

well, in my opinion, i think you should let him have his space for a while and sort things out..i don't know whether or not you are considering marriage (its been 6 years i don't see why not) but if you really want to see if he wants to be with you, tell him you want to make it official and get married. let him know that you are not going to continue to "play married" giving him all the benefits of marriage (room and board, sex, money, cooking etc...) until he makes a decision to marry you....

this may seem drastic but if you REALLy want to know how he feels this is the way to do it. he will never make a decision to be with you as long as he has full access to you without being married! this is whats causing him to be confused as well..

so my advice, dont live with him, dont have sex with him until he gives you the ring!