For Mature Experience ADULTS PLEASE!!!?

Question

I met this person coincidentally when we were both just finished with our partners/mine was a bf of 2 years and his a wife of a year and a half...the differences is that he keeps talking to her even though they have no kids. She went bck to their country wich is 6 hours away from us, but he said that she calls just to tell him about the gossip that goes on in their country about their separation...I said I did not like it or find it normal cause it seems to me like a marriage agreement on how 2 keep in touch while separated...He said absolutely not the case, thats not even logical for 2 married people to be separated being as young as they are...
He also said how serious about me and how his thinking of me for a long relation, he is like a good person not a player at all. Even though we sleep 2gether everyday and spend every weekend 2gether and I have the keys to his place/I dnt understand the communication between to newly separate people without a child in common.Any advised?

He wont stay in this country for not even a year cause his company moves them every 3 years/is also a reason for me to doubt him even more...How do I know his separated from his wife cause his getting a divorce or cause his job???

I know any man can lie to you...but I dnt find it right if is ur calling the attention on how u think about an issue...I also think that if his doing this his the WORST person and the best ACTOR in the world...
Cause he looks and act like a perfect man..

He has high morals and great values...

The only thing u dnt want from any relation is to lie or to be lie...where would u go in the future with the person still a (?). But the basis is to be honest, and truthfull.

WELL THIS IS THE FIRST TIME/ILL SAY THANK U 4 UR ANSWER BUT STILL...Is not helping me,is not unanomous as other answer I'd before...has taken 2 sides, either I believe him or not...

I said sleep not sex/actually is not base in sex..in other hand exe's in plural dnt mean ur newly separated wife...is not about being 2gether is about being separated and in love with each other what bothers me...Im being used...untill they get back 2gether...cause Im not using him...

HE SAID THAT HES MOM IS COMING TO SEE HIM AND THAT IS A WAY OF PROVING ME THAT IS OVER BETWEEN HIS WIFE AND HIM/and that she hasnt call him anymore :( I guess time will tell...

THANK YOU GUYS YOUR ALL being fabolous/Im still real confuse about the whole thing is not a regular bull shitter is like a high standard moral person if his tricking me/LET me tell u he should be in hollywood/I let u know personally about the RESULTS

U SEE MY EX wrote me a friendly hello/how u doing/hope the best 4u and I DNT even answer him...dnt feel like doing it, and dnt feel right about it...

Answer 1

it wouldn't wash for me and the fact is you are uncomfortable with it and if he's really done with her and really in to you thats all you should have to say in order for it to end, but instead he defends it and that is a gigantic red flag being waved in your face. in my opinion if a thing is done then its done, i cant imagine chit chatting with my exhusband, there is just nothing to say, thats because its done. i'd tell him to call you when he's done calling her.

there is some part of this relationship that he is holding on to regardless of whether he will admit it or not. no way i'd get any further in to this until that stops. people that have been in a sexual relationship and especially a marriage will always have that somewhere in their minds and if they keep in touch and spend time together eventually something will happen again, thats just the way it is.

Answer 2

Sometimes married people come to the realization that while they are no longer romantically in love with each other, they still like each other a lot socially. In fact, a couple in my circle of friends recently came to the same conclusion and decided to break up while they could still remain friends. If they're both from the same country then she also represents a link to his home and is probably friends with his family as well. Further, he represents a link to this country to her. It's an unusual circumstance, and you're not wrong to be a little jealous. Sharing a country of origin means they have a connection that you can't have with him, and that's hard to deal with. Regardless, the two of you sound like you're very committed to each other, and if he's not a player, you should look at this as evidence that he holds on to relationships that are special, even if they're not romantic ones. Rather than being a defect, you should look at this as a positive character trait.

Answer 3

Well, would you rather he hate her? I understand that's the "usual" route when people fall out, but maybe he understand the old, it takes two to tango saying, meaning that both of them were at fault. If so, i'd say they're very mature. Give him a break. As long as he's not driving 6 hours to spend the weekend with her or alone up there I'd say "wow, what a catch". LOL and look on the bright side, if you break up, you'll at least have a friend : ))

Answer 4

I'm actually in a similar relationship. This woman I'm seeing keeps in touch with many many ex-boyfriends. And by keeps in touch, I mean I see their names pop up on her cell phone daily. I know she's been around quite a bit, and this worries me because the contact is still there. I have told her that I will not stick around if this continues - its either me, or them. She claims that they are just friends and they just talk about random things. I know she was gone to the beach and other places with more than one of her ex's since we've been together.

I don't think I really trust her - I mean the odds of there being nothing between her and her ex's is just too low.

For you, I think you really need to put an end to it. It cannot continue, its either you or her. How frequent is the communication between him and his ex?

Answer 5

First of all you assume that just because two people divorce with no children therefore could not maintain a relationship is wrong. As much as you hear about ugly divorces and separations..some couple do remain friends. Instead of focusing on his past relationship..you should focus on yourself..what is your expectation of this relationship? You said his company moves him every three years to different location..are you willing to move with him? If he is not a player..what is he getting out of this relationship?

Answer 6

Honestly, it sounds as though there is way too much insecurity and distrust (whether warranted or not) for your relationship to survive. I suggest you giving him his key back and closing the legs before the two you have a child that ties you to this bad relationship for the rest of your life. Find you a man that will love you and respect you because your guy is not ready to leave the past behind him.

Answer 7

Honey, he's still in love with his wife and she's in love with him. If they're still talking after the divorce and it's not about money, then chances are they are talking because they miss each other. I would give him an ultimatum either her or you (if you do use this be prepared to leave. There is nothing more pathetic then a women that stays with a guy who doesn't love her).

Answer 8

Maybe they really ARE just friends. I'm friends with a few of my ex's. Talk to him some more, find out what he really wants and think about what you really want. Don't put all your hens in the same coop, though. Still keep a lookout, you never know what may be in store-good, bad, or indifferent.

Answer 9

I would talk to her myself just to see what's going on...I had a similar situation. I started talking to this guy and I found out that he was married..He lied about that, he gave me his number and told me to leave messages for him on his answering machine because he was a "truck driver"...he lied about that..he didn't even have a job.

I called to leave a message and talked to his wife and found out that they were still "happily" married and that that wasn't the first time he had done something like that. She's still with him to this day...he e-mailed me 2 weeks ago too.

Answer 10

Sounds like you already know the answer. The sex you talk about doesn't mean he loves you, it never does. And you don't like it that he talks to his ex, but he doesn't stop. How is that showing respect for you? Dump him and move on.