i am cute,fun,free spirited,open,but i am 27 he is 30 and he is so boring,he doesnt make my life exciting,we have no sex.but we have kids i would die for and thats the only thing that keeps me there NOTHING else.i dont want my kids unhappy because they love us together and want us married.i dont want to disappoint them,but i want to be HAPPY so bad.WHAT SHOULD I DO..i want happiness
2006-07-03 09:34:16 · 7 answers · asked by choclatedimples1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What are you doing to make the relationship work? It sounds like you are expecting him to entertain you and take all the initiative in the bedroom.
Your kids are absolutely right. You have created a permanent change in your relationship with him by being sexually active and having children together. Unless he's cheating on you, you need to get married(1).
In other words: if you haven't already done this, get independent of your parents. Then make that permanent, exclusive commitment to each other, and then in that context restart your sexual relationship(2).
Your happiness does not come from circumstances, but from what you make of them. Changing your circumstances will not help or solve the 'real' problem.
Just think: some people, when they're together with the one they love, they forget that they only get to see the person every few weeks (even though they live in the same town), they forget all the hard things the person has said to them over the years, they forget the rejected marriage proposal, they forget that there's no touching at all, much less sex. All they are thinking about is how happy they are to be with the one they love, how they can (in whatever little ways are permitted to them) show their love...
And before you tell that person to get a life, are you going to seriously tell a person to get a life when they have plenty of work, they have friends, they have music, they have church, they love everyone pretty much equally?
I am that person, so I know what I am talking about. And the fact of the matter is that that love, even in such circumstances, can be beautiful - if it is a love you choose for yourself, if it is the next logical step after what has happened before, rather than a love (if it can be called that) 'forced' on you by your hormones.
And now that the hormones are gone from this relationship, you have a wonderful opportunity to find this beautiful love of choice for yourself. A love with a life of its own which you will want to treat with respect. May you make the most of it.
May you understand that you have the power to choose your own happiness in whatever circumstances you find yourself(3).
May you expect your needs to be taken care of between you and God(4). Then you will have the strength to think about meeting others' needs(5).
May God bless you and keep you
2006-07-03 10:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by songkaila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying together for the kids doesn't make anyone happy, ultimately, the kids will see this. Honesty is the best policy, because if you don't want him, there is someone else that probably does, but he's with you. Do him a favor and let him know how you feel. He may be angry or hurt for awhile, but when he finds his Ms. Right, he will be glad you let him go! And how can you find your Mr. Right, if you are holding on to someone you don't want?
Set him free and that means you too.
2006-07-03 16:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Dancer3d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are a bit full of yourself. Being cute doesn't make one a good partner! Of course, it doesn't hurt either. You seem to be expecting your man to be the one to make you happy. I'm willing to bet the house that in 5 years or so you will be saying the same thing again. The ONLY person in control of YOUR happiness is YOU. Figure out what you really want down deep.... and work to make that happen in your life.
2006-07-03 16:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try couples therapy. He may even realize what is making you unhappy and try to help fix it. If not, it will be a civil break-up and you can get some great tips on how to tell the children. Most kids are pretty resilient.
2006-07-03 16:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by gz_1st_lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him to find happiness.. Or You could tell him that he needs to be more fun, have sex and if he don't you need to just leave him.. If your not happy then i know the kids aren't happy.. You need to be happy the kids will understand it will be very hard but you have to be happy too. Sooner or later they will understand... Maybe the reason he's not having sex with you is that he's cheating on you.. Heck I don't know but you need to be happy.. Good Luck...
2006-07-03 16:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Crazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try spending time with him hoping there is something there cuz if you spend time not wanting anything then it will be a bad time. but mostly think about the kids and let him know what you want.
2006-07-03 16:41:42 · answer #6 · answered by Veronica M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave him and find happiness you sound so hot wow
i wish you the best of luck
2006-07-03 16:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋