I Really love this guy and He wants to get married soon. But the only thing is that I have a baby (not with this guy) and if i get married I won't get help with daycare from dhs. And I'm sure yall know how much it costs to go to daycare. I really don't have the money to pay for it and my bf doesn't either... So should i get married and try to make it. Or should i just wait till i think i can afford it? And is it a bad thing to get married? I'm just really scared. Please Help!!!
2006-07-03 08:45:49 · 26 answers · asked by Crazy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wait to get married. The daycare costs will cause financial strain that may cause problems in your relationship. Get yourselves into a better position, then get married. Believe me, I had to go through that and it was no fun when I had to go to a local food bank for some food to get us through a rough patch. Just take your time. Besides, how much fun is it going to be to be married and broke?
2006-07-03 08:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this man have a good job? Have you sat down and figured out a budget to see if you could afford daycare? Unfortunately, many of us cannot afford it. You could try what we do-I work the 3rd shift at a hospital and my husband works the day shift-so someone can be at home with the kids. Maybe you can have a teen from your neighborhood come over after school for a couple of hours during the school year to play with your children so you can get a little sleep. I know its hard to find a family member that can help out with babysitting too-sometimes having one of them help even one or two days a week will save on daycare.
If this guy is really worth it and you love each other-you can work things out-I met and married my husband when I had two small children and we made it through-we had to cut back on other things, but its only for a few years. Try to find a job with a local school, so you can work while they are there and you can be off on the same schedule as they are. Hope these suggestions help-Good luck!
2006-07-03 16:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by bluetopaz1121 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never put money and love/marriage in the same category. If you love him, want to be married to him, then daycare costs are just a drop in the bucket of life. I assume he will be contributing to the family expenses so that in itself can help with daycare. Don't be scared and if you are maybe the daycare is just an excuse NOT to marry him because you are not sure about him?
2006-07-03 16:15:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what about welfare, dont they assist you on things like daycare? ask him if he would be able to support all the other bills if you can work and just pay the daycare, and what ever money you have left you can use for your personal needs and then whatever else you need to pitch in on. just tell him if you guys cant figure something out that it will hurt you guys to get married instead of it being a good thing. if he realy loves you then he will try his best to think of something. or even ask him if he would not mind watching your kid while you work, you can get a job that lets you work when he is home, and so then when you get home he leaves for work and you watch the child. so no daycare and you will have two incomes! try that!
2006-07-03 15:54:21 · answer #4 · answered by Blonds Rock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP.
THINK.
What is more important?
Your baby or your boyfriend?
What I hear is that ALL you are concerned about is money to pay for child care.
Look - if ALL you care about is this guy, then for God's sake, give the baby up for adoption to some family that will treat the baby right.
I'm not going to pass judgment on your lifestyle - I don't know if you have this baby out of wedlock or you divorced the husband or what.
BUT - you still are responsible for the baby.
The baby is suppose to be your FIRST priority.
The baby is your responsibility until he/she turns 18.
THAT is the choice YOU made when you decided to keep the baby.
Marriage is a wonderful thing and is based on love, trust and mutual effort to create a family.
What I didn't read in your question is whether boyfriend even CARES about your baby.
For all we know, he'll end up abusing your child.
You really, REALLY need to think about this and where your obligations are.
You and boyfriend really need to talk with a marriage counselor and discuss ALL the options.
Remember - the baby comes FIRST.
2006-07-03 15:54:21 · answer #5 · answered by docscholl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being scared is normal. However, in this day and age living together is so accepted, what's wrong with that for the time being? Why does he want to get married soon? Gee, usually it's the woman that wants to as soon as possible. I understand about the daycare situation, too, but I hate the money factor in most things. It just brings on tons of problems. Money should not be a consideration regarding marriage - that's not what marriage is about. (Of course it's important to have an income to pay bills but it's just that our society places way too much priority on it, in my own personal opinion.) Good luck to both of you - and enjoy these young years of your child, it goes by in the blink of an eye!!! :))
2006-07-03 15:54:09 · answer #6 · answered by luvwhitelilacs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In that case of your financial situation I would say hold off on the marriage aspect of it sit down and talk with you bf to let him know why you don't want to tie the knot just yet. And then when you guys are more financially set then you guys can tie the knot. It would be silly to get married at this point in life causing more debt and then have to pay for daycare when you can prevent this extra financial debt from happening. Best of luck and congrats on the future wedding:)
2006-07-03 15:50:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get married. You are very lucky to have found a man nowadays that believes in marriage. If you can't afford daycare and don't have anyone to help you, you might stay home with the baby and let you guy be the breadwinner. If you can't afford to stay home, try switching to part time so that one of you will be home with the baby.
2006-07-03 15:50:21 · answer #8 · answered by reallyfedup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you're employed. If not, why the day care? And if you both work, then the daycare should be affordable. Anything worthwhile is worth some effort. So it's up to you to make the best decision for all of you.
However, it doesnt sound as tho you're ready to be married.
2006-07-03 16:00:25 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no point in getting married because the guy is unable to support You and You have nothing to gain by adding a piece of paper to your possessions. You need to plan for the future and look hard at what He will have to offer you in a few years. Money is not everything but hard times are not place for a woman with child. In a few years the toddler will be in school and You should have advanced in your career as He does in his then perhaps marriage will be workable.
2006-07-03 15:49:39 · answer #10 · answered by old codger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋