Relationship question.?

Question

I've been married to my best friend for almost 3 years and every year or so he decides he wants to separate because he's not happy (and usually ends up sleeping with other girls) then we get back together....well he told me 2 weeks ago (in a text message) that he didn't want to be married anymore but we should be "close" friends! He's a truck driver now and won't take me on the road with him but he don't want to rush into a divorce in case he wants to get back with me...I've been through this off and on for 3 years and I've never cheated when we separated and I do everything for him (even when we're apart) so should I wait and let him get himself together and decide exactly what he wants or should I just tell him to get a divorce even though I love him so much and eventually move on? He's been all I've known for almost 8 years and through everything we've always remained friends...he's considered being "friends with benefits" but we're still legally married! Any opinions?

I say that he's my best friend because he's been there (when we weren't married) when no one else was...we're always there for each other (me more than him of course) and we share a long history of relationships with each other and other ppl. This is the second time we've been married to each other and he knows that if we divorce because of him again that we will never marry again and I think that's why he's taking his time and deciding if a divorce is what he really wants. He said now that he's a truck driver he don't have "time" for a relationship but he has time to call me (more now than we were "together") and talk about possibly taking me on the road with him. Maybe it's because out of ALL the females he talks too I'm the only one unemployed or the only one who's ALWAYS been there when he needed anything! I paid his bills and gave him money when we separated last time because I worked full time and he didn't work...

I've supported him emotionally, financially and physically since the day we met so he's probably keeping me as his "wife" in case he loses his job and needs me to support him again? I know I deserve better but he's my first love, my best friend and the man I can't imagine being without in some capacity! Thank you all for your help by the way!!

I've always been told that I'm nice and really sweet and treat the men I'm with with so much respect and love but I can't keep one...my longest relationship has been with this man because anyone I just "date" never lasts longer than a month! Maybe the good girls finish last too????

Answer 1

Well, the consensus here is correct.

As your husband, this man committed to loving you ahead of himself and of being there for you. He promised you himself.

He hasn't kept his promise. He kept himself for himself and is in fact taking advantage of your love and kindness right now.

What a wonderful commitment: He can pick you up and drop you, whenever he feels like it. He has no need to divorce you. You are his security blanket, the woman he can go back to when other things don't work out and meanwhile the woman he can ignore when he gets a hankering for someone else.

The mere fact he sent you his latest rejection as a text message -- rather than even as a simple phone call -- only shows how uncommited and even cowardly he is.

A mature man who accepts responsibilty for his actions would have had the decency to call you and tell you directly, suffering any of the shame he might feel and the rage/hurt you express because of his decision, rather than slipping you a text message so that he would not have to interact with you directly.

(If he can't be a man by sticking with his commitment to you, he could at least be a man and take some of the brunt of his own selfish decisions... but once again, you have borne the cost of his self-gratification.)

Yeah, you love(d) him, and you were willing to stick it out for him, but he's made his commitment to you clear: He does not have one. You don't have a marriage right now, despite your legal agreement. You might continue to care for him as a friend, you might even be able to forgive him for what he done to you, but you are not obligated to remain. He left a long time ago.

In fact, your loyalty to him at this point is bad for you -- AND for him. You are debasing yourself by submitting to his selfishness, and he will never grow up until he starts taking responsibility for his actions.

Tell him point-blank that he needs to make a decision: You or the highway. It's really up to him. If he decides he wants you, then he has to make good on it; and any future break-up will be final. If he decides he doesn't want you or can't decide, then say goodbye now. He will keep this up until you decide not to permit it anymore.

It stinks that your love and commitment were not honored by this man you still consider your best friend... but there are other men out there who would be better friends and better husbands and are willing to commit themselves to you in reality and not just on paper.

Answer 2

He might be your best friend, but your his safety net. You are the backup plan, hon. If things don't go well out in the cold world, you are there waiting. Like a doormat. And if you let him get away with it, he'll keep doing it forever. What a fabulous life you've given him.

You wait for him to finish his sleeping around, are sweet, pay bills, support him emotionally and let him go and come back over and over. What has he done for you? Lately, I mean. Before, he was just baiting you, to keep you around,just in case his latest sleezefest didn't work out.

He makes you upset, cry and feel like you are not good enough, while he sleeps with other chicks. How is he there for you? Am I missing something? Doesn't a sweet and decent woman deserve a little more than half a man?

Time to curb kick this jackass. But talk is cheap. When you are ready, you'll know. Meanwhile, free counseling is offered through tons of colleges and health care providers. Start working on making you a better person, not keeping your place as 2nd string backup.

Answer 3

After almost 8 years, he sends you a text message this time after breaking things off and on again every year or so. Honey, I don't know how you didn't kick him in the head the first time. This is absolutely unacceptable. You are his wife and you deserve to be treated with respect. This isn't your first date. He owes you MUCH more than a text message breakup. Then, even worse than that (and it's already bad) he doesn't want a divorce so he can keep you around like a toy on the end of a string that he can pick up and play with at any time he chooses. If you have any self respect, you'll get out of this one. I hope you collect what little dignity you have left and carry your head high as you walk out and slam the door behind you. Good luck.

Answer 4

If he does this every year or so, I would say he's not ready to be in any kind of commitment. I would get the divorce and move on with my life. Any kind of contact, especially "friends with benefits" might hurt you more than the situation already will. My grandmother always said: a leopard can't change his spots. There is someone out there that will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck!

Answer 5

You deserve so much better. You really need to divorce and walk away for good. How can you stand for someone breaking up, sleeping with other girls and then coming back? He doesn't deserve to be with you. Taking everything you said in, he seems like a real loser. I know you consider him your best friend, but that's not a friend. You need to find out what it is that's kept you around for so long, and decide enough is enough. Don't let that one reason lure you back in again.

Answer 6

I know the thought of dvorce hurts you, I can hear it in your words, but there is NO other way......expect to go stark-raving mad. He has used, and abused you for years, and yet you keep coming back for more. Enough IS Enough! You need to, for his sake if for no other reason, make him stand on his own two feet, and be responsible for himself.....you're his "rock" in times of despair. Well, maybe he needs to despair for a change, and fend for himself. You're a GOOD woman! Not many women would put up with the crap you have for a day, much less 8 years. It's time you looked out for YOU, for a change......there IS life after divorce!! Best of Luck to you!! Tell him to "Keep On Truckin", away from you!

Answer 7

I know a lot about truck drivers I say he is on meth. or some kind of drug and I know when on meth, men think with (well you know). Get out don't wait on him, there is someone out there that will treat you like you need to be treated. You don't want him to bring something home to you that you will have to live with the rest of your life.

Answer 8

You, my dear, are a door mat. He knows he can come back anytime and you'll be right there. He has no more respect for you than you have for yourself. What has made you feel so insecure that you would allow someone to treat you this way?? Put your foot as far up his *** as you can, and leave him now.

Answer 9

You deserve better. I am a firm believer in working things out, but repeated cheating is one thing i believe justify's moving on. it causes so much emotional damage to you and your children if you have any. I

Answer 10

and the cycle will continue...he can do what he wants and not worry ..why cuz your still there waiting for him and willing to take him back....i would text msg him back and say fine...just one thing...this is the last time..you leave ..its over...finished..done...you wont be coming back home to me ever again.

and you shall pack his chit...and carry on ...no man nor woman deserves this kind of lifestyle...and if HE is your BEST friend...who the hell needs enemies!!!