Serious Sister/Famiy Question. What is right???

Question

I am 31 and my sister is 38. We have never gotten along. She is jealous because I am the baby. She thinks our parents do more for me than her because I am my dad biological daughter and he adopted her when my parents got married. (we have the same mom) All her life she has done drugs, pain killers (even though she has no med reason), faked miscarriages and even MS! She has stolen things from my home including my panties. She is thin and I am overweight so they wont even fit! Her latest...she told my grandma I am a theif and a script drug addict. I do take pain meds regularly under doctors care for severe back problems. I am also addcited because I have had to be on them for so long. My doc knows this. My question is...I have been trying so hard to be nice to her and become her friend but I know she will never change. I honestly can't take it anymore. I don't want people like that in my life. Is it okay to "write her off" for my own well being even though we are family?

Answer 1

I think you have to do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. If your sister is dragging you down, then cutting ties with her will probably make you happier. It seems like you've tried for a lot of years to be a good sister. Just because she is family, doesn't give her the right to make up lies about you, or steal from you, etc. Who knows, maybe in time she will straighten up, but I wouldn't feel bad or obligated to her in any way. She will always be your sister, but you don't have to associate with her. Do what feels right for you. You do not "owe" her anything.

Answer 2

You choose your family not your friends. Just ask your self, would you let a friend get away with this type of behavior? Write her off, if she comes back trying to change her ways give her a chance just because she is family but be cautious of her actions. Because she is family you may still have to see her from time to time, just keep her at a distance, don't let her know any of the intimate details of your life, she will only use them against you. Become a brick wall to her, make her understand that her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated on any level.

Answer 3

Everyone can't sit in the front row of your show. In other words, you have to love some people in your life from a distance. She only does what you allow her to do and is only a part of your life as much as you want her to be. She may be crying out for help and just doesn't know how to ask. Don't write her off, but set boundaries for your relationship. You don't have to be her friend, only her sister. My sister and I have that type of relationship also. When she needs me, I'm there, but she knows her limitations in my life. Pray for her and remember, sometimes if you change first, everything around you will change also.

Answer 4

Yes, that's what I would do! First, her problems are not yours to solve, only she can do that. It sounds as though she really needs counseling for her self-esteem and other issues. Second, she is apparently causing you some painful emotional reactions, which only you can resolve. It is extremely difficult(for me, anyway) to have someone in my home who would steal from me. I have several addicts in my family whom I have had to ask to leave my home and stop contact with me until they are clean and sober.

I think it is very important to clearly explain in writing why you are taking the actions you are taking. By the way, keep a copy for yourself! You may need it!

I suggest you try Al-Anon or Nar-anon Family Groups. The 12 steps have been a tremendous help to me.

By the way, there is a difference in addiction and dependency on drugs. Taking drugs to alter your state of mind(get high) is addiction; taking a medication for long-term chronic pain is dependency(you need it in order to function.)

Good luck to you!

2307Connie

Answer 5

"Never go to the wise for advice, for they will answer both yes and no."

No, it's never OK to write off family, no matter how much they hurt you. Yes, it's OK to write off someone as a matter of self-preservation.

Perhaps you could consider continuing to be polite and curteous to your sister, and in all ways conducting yourself with honor, without investing emotional capital in a relationship where it will only be squandered?

She has valid emotional issues she simply may never have the strength to overcome. (So do you, by the way, or you wouldn't be asking this question here.) Very little you can do to change that, or her. By detaching yourself emotionally you end the pain and frustration from repeated failure, but by remaining faithful to yourself, and to her, you give opportunity to hope, should she ever find the strength to overcome.

Answer 6

Cross her off your Christmas Card list.

I came from a dysfunctional family as well.
After many years and much drama, I dropped 2 siblings, an aunt and 4 cousins out of my life.
Told them outright, I don't care if I never see any of them again.
Have not seen or heard from a bunch of them in 15 years.
I could not be happier.

You are a big girl now.
Create your own family from your circle of friends.
You will be much happier and better off.

Of course, you will think of her often and want to brak down and contact her but have strenth, keep your distance, and you will much much better off.

Answer 7

First you should express to her your concerns whether she wants to here it or not. Then let her know that you understand misery loves company, but that their is more to life than trying to destroy her own. Family is very important , but when all else fails
let her know that you will start taking some legal action if it continues. In your intro you said she beginning to steal your (underclothes of all things) just to let you that's only the beginning of a nightmare it will get worse.

Good Luck

Answer 8

I believe so, you don't neccesarily have to "write her off" just don't talk to her, treat as you would an acquaintance. If you have family get together's just be polite and pleasant, but don't call her, don't buy her presents, or any of the other family things that people do, but most importantly when she starts creating drama, don't chime in, just let her do what she's gonna do, and don't give an opinion.

Answer 9

When someone in your family is putting you in so much pain then of course it is. Just cause there family doesn't mean you have to like them. I have family members that I really don't claim due to there life style & the way they treat others in the family. Hopefully some day she will grow up!

Answer 10

oh ...how i know what your going thru....however ...family is family...whether blood or not...so no...dont write her off per say...but you can simply ignore her...as hard as it is ...stay away from her...distance yourself from her....dont pay attention to whay she has to say or do ....and leave it like that....when u visit family and they begin to speak of her..get up ..get a glass of water or fidget with plants ...dont make comments good or bad...
except for one comment...my personal favorite...and i say it alot....when she begins to say things ...or someone is telling you that she said this...simply say...one of these days that girl will get her own life and quit messing with mine...and leave it alone....will take time..but others will get a clue and realize your not the trouble maker..and that you are showing maturity with your answers...

however...i know from experience...writing off a person is not easy....as much as you dislike all that she does...she is family...one can hate what one does ..but not hate the person...and if your like me...if they were seriously hurt and in the hospital you would go see if she is okay.

wish there was more i could say to this...this is how i handle my sister..and i too...am the baby...one sister married into wealth...we never hear the end of that one...the other makes tons of money ...not married nor has what it takes to stay married lol....and then there is me...hang in there girl...life is too short to dwell on your sisters misgivings.