Here I go again with another question...?

Question

I know that the answer has to lie within myself but I am so completely torn right now and need some advice. Am actually in the process of getting a divorce bc of infidelity on my spouses behalf...we have had our share of problems that revolve around this issue as well as others that were just flat out unhealthy. When he heard that i was going through with it, he begged for another chance and swears that he will do absolutely anything to change even go to counseling just to make our marriage work. It would be a lie to say that I didnt have any feelings for him but I am so scared that I will be hurt again and I dont know if its worth taking the chance. We have a daughter together & she constantly says that she misses daddy and wants him back. I dont know what to do but I dont want to keep this up in the air bc its not fair to anyone involved...I thought that I had moved on or at least was beginning 2 and now with him and the reality of the divorce, I dont know what to do...

I must point out that this situation is complicated bc i keep going back and forth through the motions of wanting to work it out and just wash my hands clean of everything and move on...has anyone else been through something like this?

Answer 1

If he cheats, he will always cheat on you. Wake up. Divorce sucks for you and your daughter but you didn't choose for him to cheat. Get rid of him.

Answer 2

Since it seems like you are having second thoughts, somewhat, you should take the opportunity to go to marriage counseling, especially if he was the one to suggested it first. Instead of going through with the divorce right now, try a legal separation. Go to counseling while you are separated. This will give you an opportunity to see how life will be without him, and it will also give you an opportunity to see if divorce is what you really want. You have to try and keep yourself grounded and not become bitter, at least for your daughter's sake. You need your happiness and you need to find out if it will be working out your marriage or moving on. This is going to take time. That's why I'm suggesting a legal separation for you, until you find out what it is you really want. Life is short. Make the best of it.

I know exactly what you are going through. I was in the same situation. You want to make it work, but then again, you want to send him away forever and ever. That's why you need time for yourself. It's not easy. I understand when they push you so far away that you're no longer in love with him. You still love him, but not in love. I thought I would never feel that way, but it is a very true and strong feeling.

Answer 3

I agree with BluePassion. Don't reconcile, though, and then forget about counseling. Without marriage counseling it will be impossible to get over the cheating. And it's not true that "once a cheat always a cheat". People do make mistakes that they later regret and learn from. And you're going to haev to learn to forgive him and to trust him again. It will be a hard road ahead, but only you can decide if it's worth it.

Answer 4

Sweetie, If your not in love with him anymore then you need to leave, Because it well only lead to more problems if you stay in a relationship that wont work. And your daughter well thank you later on, but if you stay with her father for the wrong reasons she'll hate you for it. Just tell your husband that you are sorry, but you have to call it quits. And that the years that you guys have been together where great but know its over and you guys have to think about what is right for your little girl. And hopefully later on you'll find someone that well so you love again and you'll be happy again. God bless you and good luck!!!!

Answer 5

I personally think because of his cheating that the trust factor will now, and maybe always, be an issue for you. Without me knowing how many times he has cheated, with who and why, it's almost impossible to give you any advice here. You know the circumstances, think long and hard, weight it all out and give yourself time. Maybe counseling could help. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I say once a cheat always a cheat. If you take him back he will change. He will develop better ways not to get caught. But if you are still believing his lies, your just not ready to call it quits. Get a pen and paper out and make a list of the good things about him and the bad things. Maybe that will help you decide.

Answer 7

You definitely know the answer lies within, however in my experience no one can change unless they want to change. Have him go to counseling first and prove to you that he is willing to change. Then make a decision.

Answer 8

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ....come on, please....drama drama drama...stand up for yourself and create a healthy living envrionment for your daughter...get a good lawyer, establish visitation rights, child support and alimony and find someone who respects you, your family and himself...you mention more than infidelity...you are more afraid of the future then settling into something you are familiar with, even if that familiarity is devoid of true happiness...

Answer 9

end it