My uncle, is in an unfortunate situation . . . he lives in a block of flats, just moved.
There is a woman who lives below him who has made it clear that she has the hots for him, now my uncle just isnt interested and she wont get the point.
She brings him food, trys to get in with the family and his friends. However this is all unwanted attention and he now feels uncomfortable to come out of his flat or socialise with other fellow residents in case he bumps into her
what advice can u give to get rid of unwanted attention ???
2006-07-03 06:45:35 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Flat is an apartment
2006-07-03 06:49:51 · update #1
This woman is a nice person, my uncle does not want to offend her ! hes a nice guy
2006-07-03 06:50:39 · update #2
she has no front teeth, wears white mascara and is 15 yrs older than him!
2006-07-03 12:49:22 · update #3
I still believe that honesty is the best policy. However, I also believe that honesty without compassion is hostility. So for me, if I were your uncle, I would invite her over, and gently but effectively let her know that although I am sure she is a very nice person, that at this time in my life I had no interest in beginning anything but a platonic friendship with her. Usually when we take the time to let people know how we truly feel you'de be surprised at how well it will go over. They may be angry, or hurt at first but in the end can't help but to respect the other person for being honest with them in the end. Even if this female should get angry, that's o.k. too....After all it will be a form of rejection; so whatever feelings she has after he's been honest with her is no concern of his, he would have done what he needed to do for him, and she will just have to move on. Also, he might want to stop accepting food, gifts, or anything else from her that he's been accepting.....Best wishes....
2006-07-03 06:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there...
She's lonely and thinks this is acceptable behavior.
And she will continue...
hurting her fellings will make him feel bad AND, if she suffers some Personality Disorer, she'll end up skulking and pot shotting him.
Skulking...like sitting in the shadows and staring at him...
Pot shots...are cheap shots like calling the police because he snores too loud. Or, if theirs a community laundry room...taking his clothes out of the washer and putting hers in. Or, leaving nasty notes on his door. That kind of thing.
Hurting her feelings is nearly inevitable, but there are different ways to do it that are less painful.
If she brings goodies...he simply says
"no thank you - not tonight."
Remember an invitation into the flat and company is what she wants...so he has to keep from doing that much.
When family visits...they can be the ones to be mean.
Just like a curious child gets the brush, family can do the same..."Sorry Melba, we don't have time to play today."
When she finally gets the idea, she will corner your uncle and play the hurt feelings card...and ask him some very upfront questions like "Don't you like me anymore?"
Hard to answer loaded questions like that...
...and she will ask...
His answer can be couched in kindness...
"I'm very sorry Melba, I'm not used to having to make conversation at every stop...I am a very private man and I wish to come and go in peace. Now I have some very important correspondence to attend to, please excuse me."
With my "friend" - who did suffer a Personality Disorder -
I made a monthly appointment to meet publicly for tea and coffee for exactly one hour.
The first meeting she wanted more and I stuck with one hour.
The second meeting she cut it short saying..."well I know your time is precious I guess I have other things to do."
She cancelled the third meeting and has since found another victim.
best of luck and social skills to your uncle
2006-07-04 05:40:05 · answer #2 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's wrong with your uncle? If, as you say, she is a nice person, why is he running away from her? God, the last thing I would do if a woman has the hots for me is ignore her.
Is he a man or a mouse, or what?
Food, nice person, she seems perfect to me. Holy sh*t, I would like a neighbour like that!
Unfortunate situation? My *ss!
Oh Oh.
Missing front teeth? White mascara?????
Ancient?
Correction:
Sorry, when you said 'nice' I thought 'NICE'!
VERY UNFORTUNATE SITUATION!
Maybe he should tell her to leave the food at the door?
Keep us posted.
2006-07-03 18:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tokoloshimani 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her round to me and she can bring me my food (and get in with my family too if she wants but that's a risk for her to take!)
Methinks your uncle has to be honest with her because if he allows her to continue like this she might accuse him of leading her on and using her instead of being honest in the first place. If she's a nice woman then I'm sure he doesn't wasn't to hurt or embarrass her anymore than he needs to.
... Just re-read your question ... Hmmmm, bunny-boiler that won't get the point ... I have no idea
2006-07-03 14:06:39 · answer #4 · answered by LONDONER © 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some times you just have to be rude when people don't get the point. I believe in treating people nicely but if she refuses to respect his choice not to be interested in him and he has let her know in no uncertain terms his feelings then you have to draw a line in the sand. He should not take her food, he should tell family and friends to not talk to her and he should not hide from her but simply tell her when he sees her and she approaches him that he wants nothing to do with her and walk away.
2006-07-03 13:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say what to do ..
I had a stalker and thought
i'd lay some sexual ideas on her
to chase her away;
I said, " first, no stings attached to us, just play "
she said; " OK "
AND .......
" do you sallow ? " she said; " yea, "
" take in the A$$ / " she said; O yes "
& " can we have another women with us ?? "
& she turned red but said she would think about it ..
Well, it backed fired !!! I was stuck with her until
i stopped going over for play time activities ..
I did have some fun but she was not for me !!
Although she was a great little love maker !!!!
Sorry, i haven't a clue as to how to help your uncle,
outside of him just telling her to go away & leave him be !!
gOOd luck to your uncle ....
2006-07-06 19:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by ♪σρսϟ яэχ♪ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Uncle just needs to have a talk with her and really drive the point home that he is not interested.
He needs to set up some boundries with her... they can still be friends per say... but things have to change.
2006-07-03 13:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just has to tell her flat out that he has absolutely no interest and that there will be no attention from him directed to her. And follow through. As rude as this sounds...not even a hello. because obviously, she not taking hints.
2006-07-03 13:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by itty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difficult situation, for sure.
Whatever he does, he must remember the following saying:
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
2006-07-04 09:37:02 · answer #9 · answered by Boyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be as direct as humanly possible. As in:
"I am NOT interested in you. At all. And I am beginning to become uncomfortable with your behavior. I hope you can respect my position, and keep a neighborly distance."
I only suggest this because it seems he has tried everything else!
Good luck to him!
2006-07-03 13:51:56 · answer #10 · answered by lovingpecola 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋