My boyfriend has proposed and so have I, but when it comes to him actually giving me the ring and doing the proposal again, he says he's not ready to get married so he won't do it. I've been told that it means he's ready he just doesn't want to me to be the girl. Someone help me!
2006-07-03 05:57:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Also, most of my family, i.e. my mom, dad,ssiter,brother,brothers-in-laws, and nephews moved away at the end of last year and i stayed here for him because he proposed and me and my family thought we were getting married, after they left he changed everything!
2006-07-03 06:10:19 · update #1
You know very well the kind of relationship you guys have. Is the only thing wrong that you haven't had a ceremony? Are you *both* otherwise happy? Then consider your own needs. If you desperately need a ceremony or at least a committment date from him, have a serious talk. Ask him to set a date, even if it's 2 years down the road. If he's waiting for a better job or to have some savings, that should work for all.
Please consider that there are serious, happy, committed relationships that never get a wedding. It may not be what you dreamt about as a little girl, but if it works, it works.
At the same time, there are guys that propose as easily as they ask you out, just a way of being "steady". They may marry you in the future, but they may not. If you won't take your boyfriend except as a husband, be honest with him & tell him that you took his proposal seriously & if he doesn't intend to marry you, this is the time to break it up. If he's not ready after he himself proposed, most likely he'll never be & you need to know that now.
Oh, and that big "sacrifice" of staying behind after your family moved away? Was it that big a sacrifice? Did he propose to get you to stay? Above all, be honest to yourself.
2006-07-04 04:39:39 · answer #1 · answered by Rosie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I had to guess, I'd say he's just not ready, period. A lot of it would depend on how long you've been together and your personality types. But it may be that there are things that he feels he needs to accomplish in his life before he can feel comfortable marrying you. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and we talk about getting married all the time, but he has yet to pop the question and give me a ring. It drives me crazy, but I know his personality and it's in his personality to want to give me the best life possible, which he feels he can't quite give me yet. It's not that he's selfish, it's just that things like a house and financial stability take time and he wants to be able to offer me those things before we get married. Talk to your guy and find out what's going on. It may be something simple that's making him stall, or it may be something complicated. Either way, you're better off knowing because you don't want to wait around forever and feel like you wasted your time when you find out years later that you're never getting married because it's not something he wants.
2006-07-03 06:06:10 · answer #2 · answered by Brit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he is not ready for marriage. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to marry you at some point. Give the guy a break, let him propose to you when he feels he is ready. Marriage is a major step and does not need to be rushed.
2006-07-03 06:17:09 · answer #3 · answered by carmelbrown2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he's not ready than he's just not ready. He may feel like he's giving up his freedom or something. What ever you do don't pressure him about it. How do you know he's not saying that so you don't expect it when he does give it to you? Ah Ha Just treat him right, and respect his wishes. As long as your together does it really matter if your married any way? I have friends that are not legally married, and there are no difference in their lives or mine(I'm married).
2006-07-03 06:04:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont jumpt to conclusions, that he doesn't want you. Who brought up the question? Marriage is one of the biggest decisions of your life, please take advice from an oler person, i am going to assume you are fairly yourng...
If this man is responsible, has goals, dreams, and things he wants to experience, they are not in the present , but deffinate in his mind,...maybe getting married is in the way, it does not mean he does not love, and really care for you. I learned (AS A WOMAN) that just because a man, is attracted to you, enjoys you, the friendship, the intimacy, the sex, doesn't mean it is unfair of him if he needs to prove this to you by putting aside all of his ideas, and dreams, and desires of life,
That may be hard to take,, i used to hate, and get hysterical, do dramatic things to get a response from a guy that i was going steady with for more than six months, i WOULD ACTUALLY THINK, "well, i am good enough to have sex with, give you 100% of me and my time, but not good enought for you to marry.. I understand now that females are geared to think in terms of dating, romance sex, compatability, and time, and this =equals marriage, or
else i am wasting my time,, I WAS SO WRONG, AND KNOW THAT IF A GUY OS WILLING TO DROP EVERYTHING, AND CHANGE OR PUT OFF HIS OWN GOALS TO "MARRY" to keep you, or prove something, than after that what next,, do you want to start knitting booties? IS THAT YOUR DREAM, AND SO ON AND SO ON, AND IF YOUR PARTNER IS TOTALLY CONSUMED WITH YOU, AND YOUR GOALS, GOOD FOR YOU,, BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS,,?
Perhaps he is not sure what kind of life he even wants to live.. so then how can he talk of marriage to you, when he does not know exactly what he wants and why? DO YOU SEE ANY OF THE THINGS I AM SAYING? I KNOW THAT WHEN MARRIAGE BETWEEN TWO PERSONS IS IN PROGRESS THAT IT IS BEST THAT YOU ARE REALLY COMPATABLE, YOU WANT THE SAME THINGS, YOU TRULY ENJOY SAME INTERESTS, AND YOU HAVE PLANNED AND REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER AS FAR AS FEELINGS, NEEDS, FAMILY THE AREA YOU WANT TO LIVE IN, AND HAVE YOU RECOGNIZED EACH OTHRS DEFECTS? cAN AND WILL YOU LIVE WITH THEM? AFTER THE "NESTING" , the reality will be the most overwhelming thing you will experience.. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WITH THIS MAN? really try to see what he is about, and you before you decide what he does or does not want to marry you.. IT IS EASY FOR ME TO SAY I KNOW, BUT YOU MUST BE MARTURE, DON'T PUSH.. GET SOME INTERESTES OF YOUR OWN AND BE MORE INDEPDENT,, AND IT MAY ALL WORK OUT
GOOD LUCK
2006-07-03 06:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not financially ready. Thats a contract most men really don't want. The children are costly,the home,the bills,the bank account.
I want to get married, but I'm not ready yet. For real.
Some where he is unstabile. Money,children,you,or just the fear
of the ceremony itself. The crowd at church. The religeon itself.
2006-07-03 06:06:34 · answer #6 · answered by baddog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you living together?
Why buy the cow if the milks for free.
On another note, marriage is a big deal. You may want to give him an ultimatum. Use tact and don't be rude, just try to read him and find out what is going on inside.
2006-07-03 06:01:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you such an idiot? If he says he's not ready, he's not ready. Go find someone else, if you NEED to get married. You'll just end up getting divorced anyway after he cheats on you. He's probably already cheating on you, that's why he doesn't want to get married.
2006-07-03 05:59:44 · answer #8 · answered by HeatherLyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why in the world are you in such a rush to get married, if he's not ready that is what it means. If you keep pressing the issue, he'll dart quicker than anything you've ever seen
2006-07-03 06:10:08 · answer #9 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a guy says he's not ready to get married it means..... he's not ready to get married!!!! If you don't like it, or you don't want to wait, then leave him and find another.
2006-07-03 06:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by BrownTown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋