How old do you think you should be before starting a family?

Question

I am 18 and deeply in love with my feince. We want to start a family and have a child. We are going to start trying soon. Do you think its too soon? We know we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. We don't think that it is too soon. And also he is a few years older than me, so he is mature and ready to start a family. What do you think?

My fience brings in about 100k pa... So finiance isnt an issue.

Answer 1

Only you know when you are ready. If you can support each other mentally, emotionally and financially, go for it. Marriage is usually best before you plan on having children. This way there is no problems with the birth certificate, etc.

Answer 2

My husband and I got married when I was 27 and he was 32. We had our first child when I was 30 and our second when I was 32. I am very happy that I went to college and got a degree, worked for several years and was able to travel and spend some time alone with my husband before we had children. I really think that most people grow up a lot and change from the time they are 18 until they are around 23 or 24. You may not have the same interests as your currently do five years from now. That said, I never thought I had found the love of my life when I was 18. Maybe if you're really in love and have seriously discussed and agreed on important issues, you are ready. One issue that I see couples argue about all of the time is finances. Make sure that you talk about a budget. Children are expensive. Also, religion. How do you want to raise your children? Have you talked about how to discipline children? Once the children come, how will you divide up household chores? Is he going to help change the diapers? Will he give you a break sometimes and stay home with the child to give you some alone time - to exercise, go out with your friends, just have a break?

I don't think that I would have been able to handle raising children when I was your age but maybe you are more mature than I was. It's a 24 hour a day job. Most babies cry a lot. Does your fiance work long hours? Will you be home alone with the baby for long periods of time? Having a baby totally puts a cramp on your social life. My husband and I used to go out to dinner at least once a week and the movies about twice a month. Now, we mostly rent videos and we can't watch an R rated movie until our 2 year old goes to bed.

I am not trying to discourage you from having children. Children are wonderful and I never understood how wonderful it felt to have a child until I had my own. Just make sure that you are prepared for how life changing it will be. If you don't go to college now and earn a degree, will you regret that later? I know you said your fiancé makes a lot of money but wouldn't you like to be able to support yourself in case, heaven forbid, something happens to him.

I wish you two the best of luck. Marriage and raising a family is hard work but if you truly love each other and work at it, you can do it.

Answer 3

I think that's only a question that you and he can answer. When I was 18, I was CERTAIN that me and my boyfriend at the time were in love and going to be married and start a family. We broke up after a year and a half. I am now 20, and engaged to someone else, with a baby on the way (we were actually engaged before the pregnancy.)
Looking back between then and now, I came to realize that I wasn't at all ready at 18. I kept having doubts, second thoughts, too many worries. With my current fiancee, I haven't had any worries or doubts about things...it just feels right.

Trust your instincts, and have a talk with your partner. No one else can tell you what's right for the two of you.

Answer 4

I would wait a few years because you're still so young and a lot of things could happen. Why get married right away, anyway? Don't you want to go to college or at least get started at a good job? You shouldn't just depend on your spouse for money, you have to have your own skills too in case you should get divorced, or decide you want to bring your own money into the family. My mom got married when she was 19 and it was too soon, she and my dad divorced when I was 3. I guess everybody is different and reaches maturity at different ages, but I would at least wait until age 23-24 before getting married and maybe a year or two later to have a baby, that's what I plan on doing.

Answer 5

maturity is a relative term. it is wonderful that the two of you are so committed to each other. however, starting a family is a huge responsibility and it changes your life forever.

Before starting a family you need to ask yourself these questions:

Are we financially stable? do we have enough income and long term income security to provide for our child(rens) in terms of food, clothing, health, toys, babysitting, day care, etc?

Am I ready to give up the life I enjoy right now? After you have a child, your life changes forever. You have to make sacrifices, especially where your social life is concerned. Are you really willing to do that? and more importantly, will your fiance be willing to make these sacrifices with you?

Do we have a supportive network of family and friends? This is important too, especially at the begining when you need emotional and physical support in terms of company, help around the house, cooking meals, or just someone to look after the baby while you try to get some sleep.

If you answer yes to all these questions, then go for it, but be honest with yourself in answering these questions. Yours will be the biggest responsibility.

- an old sage

Answer 6

I think you are a little bit too young. It is great that you guys are very in love and it sounds like your partner is financially stable. But here come the buts....

*What if things go bad (and don't be naive enough to think there is not that possibility)? Do you have the education and experience to get a job and support the baby?

*Have you done all your "young people" things like travelling, partying etc? Because as much as people say "you can travel with kids" the experience is not the same. You are not as free to explore what you want to explore.

*Why are you SO eager to have a baby. Really think about that. If it involves anything to do with enhancing relationships or having someone to love you, then wait. You are not ready.

*How long have you and your partner been together. At your age I am guessing not that long. Why not wait till you are a bit older just to make sure your relationship has developed sufficiently to cope with the stresses of a baby.

Answer 7

It's not so much if you are old enough...rather, you need to think about long term. Are you planning to be together long term. If yes, then you need to think financially. Kids cost a LOT of money. Think about the initial healthcare costs, then about diapers and formula, daycare and/or preschool. That's just the first 3-4 years. Beyond that, there are tons of expenses, including Insurance, education, etc. If you think you can handle it, WITHOUT using government assistance, then go for it.

As for being married first, my fiance and I have a 3 year old son. We were engaged before having him, but now that all those extra expenses have cropped up, we're not in any rush for the wedding. Who knows...we may never get married...but we will be together. What would marriage change for us??? Not much at this point...except the way we file our taxes.

Answer 8

You are ready to start a family when you are emotionally ready. At 18 you could very well be emotionally ready to start your family. You mention your fiance is a few years older than you are -- how many is a few? If he is in his late 20s to early 30s he could be pushing you towards being ready to start a family when you yourself do not feel ready for it yet.
Remember, with every choice you make, you give something up. If you choose to have a family at 18 you choose to give up those carefee (well, in the sense of no responsibility to anyone but yourself that is) days of college and young adulthood. You may find yourself angry in the future about being forced to settle down with a family before you were ready.
But truthfully, you know yourself the best. If you feel you are ready to have a family, then you probably are. If you feel you are not ready to have a family, then you probably are not. Be honest and true to yourself, and you will find happiness.

Answer 9

You don't have the money to raise a child right (for dr appt's, medicine, food, clothing, toys, etc.), and you are waaaay to young. You're only 18! I'm not trying to insult you or anything, but at 18, you simply don't have the maturity to be a good mother, even if you think you are. Are you ready to give up practically any life and freedom you may have right now? You'll have to stay home a lot. You won't be able to go out partying, because when you get home, you'll have a baby to take care of. You can't do that drunk, or even tipsy. You won't be able to stay out late either. The baby will need to get to bed, and a baby sitter won't stay until 2 or 3 am. You'll have to go to family-friendly restaurants, and you'll have to plan every outing. There'll be no more meeting up with a friend last minute, because you'll have to go around your baby's nap and feeding schedule, and put together a baby bag for him/her. You won't be able to do whatever you want at home anymore either. If you want to take a nap or watch some TV, you won't be able to. You'll have to take care of the baby, play with the baby, feed the baby, change the baby's diaper, etc.

Also, are you ready to be pooped on, peed on, puked on, etc?? That's something that you'll be unable to avoid in the near future after having a baby.

I love my daughter very much, but I want you to understand the reality of having children.

You may be deeply in love with your fiance now, but who knows in 4 years. You need to wait a few years, and then think about it again. You say your fiance is a few years older than you, but you don't actually say how old he is. Just because he's a few years older than you, that doesn't automatically make him mature. He may be mature compared to a lot of other guys YOUR age, but that doesn't mean he's ready to raise a family. It sounds like he's still pretty young. I think you should wait. In a few years, if you still want a child really bad, then you'll know you're ready for one. But having a baby is something you should NEVER rush into or take lightly.

Answer 10

A marriage has a 65% better chance of survival if you wait 2 years to start a family. So wait and save as much money as you can before you start a family.

Answer 11

30