how can I find the courage to tell someone I love him?

Question

u know, it hurts to love someone but not to be loved in return. but what's most painful is to love someone & never finding the courage to let the person know how u feel.

Answer 1

Well, I had a very funny situation along these lines a while back. I'm a musician, and one night when my group was rehearsing, this other guy (our bass player - let's call him Mark), who knew that I was falling head over heels in love with our keyboard player (let's call him M), was teasing me mercilessly about my feelings for M. You know, needling me in such a way that only I would know what was going on. Of course I was furious.

But some time later, I began thinking maybe I'd better tell M about my feelings. So first of all, I told all my male friends they could only expect friendship from me - took myself off the market, if you will - because my aim here was to discreetly 'warn' M that I am fixing to propose to him.

Around this time, M took to referring to Mark as my sweetheart. Which is very nice except that Mark is married - to someone else - and none of us is 'that type of person', if you know what I mean.

Obviously I couldn't let this slide, so I made an appointment with M at the earliest possible opportunity after that, and reminded him that Mark is married, and told him, "I want you to create the following associations in your mind: Mark is my honorary brother, and if I were to have a sweetheart in my life at all, it would be... you."

He was in utter and complete shock and thought I was joking. A few seconds of intensely staring into each other's eyes took care of that, however - at least he figured out I wasn't joking. To this day, however, I don't think he understands fully what I meant, even if I did eventually propose to him a while back...

Anyway, a couple of years later, I finally figured out why M had thought I was seeing Mark. It turned out M had in fact noticed Mark teasing me at rehearsal, and had assumed that Mark was flirting with me - when in fact Mark was hoping M would notice what was going on and ask me about it later, thereby forcing me to admit my feelings to him!

So, I can see a few lessons from this situation:

Before you take any action at all, be very sure you know what kind of relationship you want. Are you ready for a permanent relationship? If so, is he the right one to have it with? Or are you not ready to take that step?

Another thing to do before taking any action: get all your other relationships in order, tell folks what they can and can't expect from you. I mean, it won't do for you to be telling this guy about your feelings, and then have it turn out that three other guys thought you loved *them*, right?

If, after thinking about all this and taking appropriate preliminary actions, you have decided that talking to him is the right thing, then you can start by observing the situations you are in with him, and look for openings in the conversations which could lead to a discussion of feelings.

Don't worry for now if you only see these opportunities after the fact, because the object at the moment is simply to train your mind to notice them. With practice, you'll start being able to notice opportunities 'in the moment'.

You could try discussing your feelings with another person before you try to say anything to him. Hopefully this person will be trustworthy, although as you have seen above, it is possible to take even a less-than-ideal situation and make it into an opportunity.

The worst case scenario, I guess, would be that the other person starts spreading weird rumors about you guys, but even then, you can handle it by going to him and saying, 'Look, something kind of embarrassing for both of us has just happened. I just heard from a third party about my supposed feelings for you. I do in fact love you, but I wanted to make sure you heard the true story from me first, if possible, before you hear God knows what from someone else...'

But I am sure you can think of something better: a little present, maybe without a note attached unless you feel comfortable with him showing it to others; or a favor, something you can do for him that he really needs done, etc. Whatever you do, you want to remain calm and 'just the facts' until you see his reaction.

If it's unfavorable, well, that's his problem, at least you can feel good that you've told him the truth.

If it's favorable, on the other hand, you will see immediately why it was such a good idea to think about what kind of relationship you want before jumping in. If you are both ready for a permanent relationship, then you can make plans to move in that direction.

If not, then I would strongly encourage you to keep it platonic. See, when you hook up (ie. become sexually active), you create a permanent change in your relationship, so that if you break up after that, you leave a bit of yourself with him, and he with you.

So it makes a lot of sense to do things in the following order: get independent from your parents, make a permanent, exclusive commitment to each other (i.e. get married), and *then* become one flesh.(*)

I wish you all the best - may God bless you!

Answer 2

I fell in love with my boyfriend about two weeks after meeting him (sounds crazy but the feelings were there) he told me that he loved me first about a month into our relationship and I wish that I would have told him my feelings first because he was like "oh your just saying that because I told you..." but I wasn't I just didn't want to scare him off so early. But it has been over a year and I'm still very much in love with him. I think that if you just come out and tell them it will make you feel better like you have something off your chest.

Answer 3

If your afraid to do it in person write them a letter. Its so much easier to write your feelings down and easier on your heart if they dont return your feelings. Just drop a letter in the mail box include you phone number of course if after a week youve heard nothing then you know they dont feel the same way about you.

Answer 4

i know.. i m in one of those situations right now.. i've liked this guy for 3 years... all he does is break my heart.. and has never liked me.. i know i have always given him probelms.. but seriously im sorry.. i wish he ccould know how i feel. one year later.. we'll both be separated.. into high school. i really dont know what to do.. maybe u should send him an ecard telling him how u feel. im planning to do that.. except not telling him what i feel.. ill send one at his bday .. so he'll know that i really do care for him.. maybe u could do the same??

Answer 5

Courage is when you do something INSPITE of fear and NOT in the ABSENCE of it. You already HAVE the courage. Now use it to OPPOSE the fear that is blocking you from doing the one thing you say you really want to do.

Answer 6

There are plenty of ways to say i love you but i guess nothing would compare to saying it to their faces with compassion. Its definatly scary knowing they may not love you back but you are right it hurts when you dont tell them. Maybe he will say the same thing and is just too shy to say it.

Answer 7

Julie, you need to be honest with him. Just think about what you might be missing out on. He might say he loves you 2. You don't know if you don't tell him.That way at least you can say you did try.

Answer 8

you can;t find the courage you have to make courage to tell someone just go for it and tell him or her

Answer 9

ask this same exact que to him


and email in detail if it doesn't work

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Answer 10

send your question to them
trust me this will work