My MIL puts me down continuously to my husband and my children. Her latest comment was to my husband," she is nothing but a fly by her pants person and I havent seen her change much. I confronted my husband on this and he said to me, "what if its true"? I am so mad that he would say that to me. Even if it was true which it isnt, I thought you were suppose to support each other. I just want the putdowns to stop. I dont want my marriage to end over this but I am ready to throw in the towel.
2006-07-03 05:02:59 · 16 answers · asked by Jeanine G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just wanted to add that we live on the west coast and she lives on the east coast and that we have been married for 20 years.
2006-07-03 06:34:34 · update #1
Sweetie, the fact is, 1...doesn't have a backbone & 2...he doesn't respect you. But something tells me that this is not new behavior from him or his mother. It doesn't make it right, but it's not healthy not only for you, but for your children.
2006-07-03 05:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by Glo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone is too attached too his mother. He will always respect his mother, but he has to stand up for the person he married as well. If he doesn't defend you, it's a slap in the face as far as I'm concerned. Even if there may be some truth to what the MIL said. I would also confront the MIL and find the root of her dislike for you. Like it or not, her son got married, and even if she doesn't approve of it, she HAS to respect it. If you see no change after these sugg. you may want to re-think about the man you married. Sounds like you married both.
2006-07-03 05:23:42 · answer #2 · answered by Adrian B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sound of your husbands remarks I don't think you are going to be able to change things. I agree that a husband should defend his wife, especially from his own family. The only way to stop the put downs is to confront them directly. When your MIL says something you tell her that she has a choice to either keep her thoughts to herself or not ever see you and the kids again. I think your husband should be saying that and including himself but I doubt if he has the balls for it.
2006-07-03 05:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some help for your marriage. Get a mariiage therpist. That don't work. Tell your MIL what you think about her. So what if you are married to her son. She opens her mouth, well she going to learn how to shut it.
If you husband don't like that. Then he can move back in with mom. They can sit there and stare at each other. He needs to get off her tit, and grown up. Tell him, his childhood has come and gone. It's time for him to be an adult.
2006-07-03 05:16:23 · answer #4 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one that I can relate to. I just sat him down one day and turned off the phones- made sure no was around- no distractions- and just told him to please listen. I sat him down, making sure there was tissue near by and a drink for both of us. Just because I knew this was gonna possibly take awhile. I ask him to please not interrupt and listen- then before I got started with my feelings and hurt I promised(I did) let him talk without interruptions from me. You have to be ready to hear anything and not judge- that is very hard but you will get further along and at least know where you and he both stand before you are through. Expect this to take awhile and don't let anything interrupt you. Do not get defensive either- he will shut down. Hurtful or not don't you really want to know?
2006-07-03 05:21:48 · answer #5 · answered by stypa2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I read what you wrote my first thought was "it's your house, kick her the hell out" but then I read you live on opposite coasts so I assume these slams are via the phone.
Here's what I'd do - forget leaving this to your husband, take charge. Adopt an attitude that says "no one talks about me that wayin my house, even if it is via phone". Call her and insist that she stop or you'll block her number so when she calls your phone won't ring.
2006-07-03 08:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by jerryg1212 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you throw in the towel, why don't you just sit down and ask you MIL why she puts you down all the time in front of your husband and Kids. Tell her that it hurts you and that you are not going to put up with it. As far as your husband, he is pecker head for not taking up for you. And I'd tell him so if I were you.
2006-07-03 05:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sweety sometimes you have to get off your high horse if you want to save your marriage. its called fighting fire with fire!! listen now... irritate the groutchy *****! i mean if you have to call her house and make noises in the phone or take her mail. i meanif you really want to get down dirty piss in her coffee! i mean you cant keep letting her hurt you. beucase she feels she can get away with it eventually she will get real tired of this weird stuff going on and she will either change or you will continue to piss her the hell off, but do it nice nasty a ways she will never know that it is you. SMILE on the inside
2006-07-03 05:09:18 · answer #8 · answered by uabgurl22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I never had/have that problem but if i was you I would tell him "I feel disrespected because ................" if he supports his mother's comments about you then tell him he needs to make a decision is that how he wants his children to hear grandma talk about them or you??? Kids will find out she talks about them negatively and will hate her?good luck
2006-07-03 05:10:53 · answer #9 · answered by MissesK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her a letter. Tell her how you feel. That if she doesn't stop putting you down, you won't want to see her ever again and she is not welcome in your house. Be prepared for a showdown with her. You have nothing to lose but your self respect and self-esteem.
2006-07-03 05:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋