been married for 8yrs.now wife left & went back 2 Cal.& she's not sure about us.says she dont want hurt no more.we fought alot,but never cheated.I do want her& miss her alot.she wants me to bring son out to her.not sure about that either..I told her since she is unsure about me,I will move to cal.she says she misses me& wants to see me, but she wont move in with me anytime soon.as bad as it looks,I know its not about another guy.she seems 2 just want no responsabilities.its been a month now & hope she wont just move on.how do I prove to her Im a good person&dont want 2 lose her.sould i bring her our son?should I move out there?she seems to afraid to come back even if she wanted to.maybe cuz she felt trapped....
2006-07-03 04:47:55 · 9 answers · asked by peterbilt005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
california
2006-07-03 04:48:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have several painful issues going on at once.
1) She's not sure she wants the responsibilities of being a wife and/or mother
2) You two have a lot of pain and scars from previous arguments
3) You have both probably said things to one another you regret - and unfortunately words can't be "unsaid"
4) Children are part of the picture
5) Feelings of being trapped and hopelessness may have set in
My short advice:
1) You both ought to consider some sort of outside, objective counsel - you both have history of discussing important marriage issues going down the wrong road.
2) You may have different definitions of marriage and the relationship than the other person - hence, your expectations of the relationship may not match the other's. This may be best worked on with an objective third party.
3) I would suggest you offer moving to Cali if you are committed to working on the relationship. But I would only do so if you are both willing to commit to working with a professional for a significant amount of time.
My 0.02, best to you and your wife.
2006-07-03 04:54:42 · answer #2 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not really sure why she left in the first place. I think the only one who can answer that is her. Is she willing to work on the relationship even if you are not living together. What does she see as a future for the 2 of you. I definately don't think you should keep your son from her if she is not abusive to him. No matter what happens between the 2 of you. If you use your son to get her to come back she will only feel resentful and munipulated. If she is willing to really try and you can afford to move to California I say go for it.
2006-07-03 04:55:15 · answer #3 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She left you. It sounds like she wants her son, not you. How convenient for you to bring her her son but not for you two to have a relationship. As for the arguing, who cares whose fault it was. Unless you two decide to leave it in the past and change the road, it will always come up. As for her feeling trapped... I would love to be trapped with someone I "loved". I'd even help set the snare. You shouldn't have to prove your a good person. A person is just one. You have to figure out where the problem is. If you feel like your son is going to help keep your marriage alive, think again.
2006-07-03 06:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by windandwater 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you two get help? It sounds like you both would like to try to work it out, but neither of you knows how best to do that.
This is a sad situation. I would tell her that you are afraid she will move on and forget about you and her son, and that you dont know how to help her, or convince her that you want to work it out.
Ask her if there is some way you two can meet in the middle on this issue and try to work it out.
2006-07-03 04:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my husband but didn't move. We are in the same boat. He feels like you. She should not have abandoned her child. I don't know what I want. I want him but I also want to have fun. We did divorce right away though. He would move back in in a heart beat. I can't ask him to weight for me. We get along better now. Do what is best for your son and you, not her. You don't have her heart. Sorry.
2006-07-03 04:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by kim l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No if she really wants u but 2 start out as friends there are plently of houses in ur town/city.
2006-07-03 04:52:19 · answer #7 · answered by jimbosbaby8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude...she left you....SHE LEFT YOU!!!...because she wasn't sure and didn't want any responsibilities?!?! what kinda horse **** is that? you have been together for 8 years...call a lawyer, NOW!!!...do not move out there, do not take your son out there...she ******* left you and your son and now she misses him and wants you to bring him to her...BULLSHIT....if she wants to see him, she needs to come and see him...if she misses you she needs to come back HOME!!!...remember that, home? seriously, get off the computer and call a lawyer...
2006-07-03 04:54:32 · answer #8 · answered by twentythree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away. I'm sleeping with her now.
2006-07-03 04:49:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋