I'm 23 years old and I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and a half. We were taking things very slowly because I was scared about taking our relationship to a more physical level for various reasons that I don't want to go into on here. Over the past couple of months we've been working on taking things a lot further and I trust him and want to have sex with him, but whenever we try it doesn't work. Every time he tries to go inside me it's like my vagina is sewn shut, he can't get in at all. He can put his fingers inside alright, but whenever we try to actually have sex I get really tight and I can't seem to do anything to stop it.
What can I do about it? It's really frustrating because I want to show him how much I love and trust him, but he's starting to think that I don't actually want to go all the way with him and that this is a conscious thing.
2006-07-03 04:46:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
When I was 17 I had a bad experience with a boyfriend who kind of forced me to have sex when I didn't want to. That's the only time I've ever had sex...........
2006-07-03 05:02:54 · update #1
Sounds like you have vaginismus, which is a spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina that closes the it. This condition causes penetration to be difficult and painful, or even impossible. It can result from past sexual trauma or abuse, other psychological factors, or a history of discomfort with sexual intercourse. Sometimes no cause can be determined. In order to confirm that this is they cause, you need to see your doctor. You can read more about it here
http://www.sexwithoutpain.com/vaginismus.htm
2006-07-03 04:53:50 · answer #1 · answered by Nurse Annie 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
What about lubricants? Make sure a lubricant is used on him as well as you. Also I would make sure that there is a lot of foreplay prior to insertion so that you will have time to relax and therefore be able to actually enjoy the act. Soothing music would also be a good choice so that you can somehow get into the rhythm of the sound and get lost there as well rather than totally focusing on what is coming up and going to happen. The other would be essential oils for the affect that aromatherapy has on the body and mind. This too can relax you and allow you to have fun and enjoy the pleasure.
If however you have had bad experiencing with sex in the past then you may need some additional assistance. If this is the case, I can also help you there. If you are interested, contact me directly and we can discuss it further.
Peace, Kathleen
2006-07-03 04:56:53 · answer #2 · answered by kathleenmarie519 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its very natural thing you going through. same was with my gf. u r just a bit too nervous abt having intercourse, becoz of nervousness the muscles of ur vagina get contracted when about to have sexual intercourse, best way is to take some more time, do other stuff like foreplay and bj and fingering so u get used to his body and comfortable with urself when doing the activity, as time goes u will b able to stay relaxed in bed and muscles wont contract when having intercourse. u can the also try the most comfortable position to help u relax, u can sit on top with ur vagina right on top of his penis, u will hav 2 sit with split thighs so that wud help opening the vagina, and u can put rite amt of pressure by pushing urself against his penis taking care u dont hurt urself, if u sleep under him, ur bf mite press too lightly fearing of hurting u, or then he mite push too hard and that wud hurt, that wont help coz next time when abt to have sex, u will remember the pain and cant relax. so dont worry, all will be good, and if ur bf really loves u ur heart, then he will give all the time in world u need, coz sex is just another way of saying "i love you." its not everything abt love.
2006-07-03 05:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand what you are going through because i have had the same kind of phobia. and that is what it is- a phobia. the thing is, your body clamps down when you are not relaxed. emotionally you are very comfortable with him but mentally maybe you are not ready to have intercourse- all the way, as you say. or maybe you are conscious of something?
perhaps, you need more time to relax and feel at ease with your body and him with your body. also, in your earnestness to please him and show him you love him, you are actually putting a lot of pressure on your own self...
i suggest you spend sensual time together and take it further, one step at a time. sex is about enjoying each other. once you relax in your head, your body will follow.
2006-07-03 05:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by freudianslipper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. you don't need to go all the way with him to show him how much you love and trust him. 2. it is a conscious thing, you are either not relaxed or you truly feel that you are not ready for this and you become very tense, you do it for you, when you are ready, not for him. 3. it could be a medical problem, some women are too small to be entered. Talk with your doctor, a gynecologist.
2006-07-03 04:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by nytrauma911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want ur r experiancing is called VAGINISMUS. THAT means ur muscles surrounding the vaginal region instead of relaxing as it usually does , here in ur case go in for spasm. THis is due to anxiety , at a subconsious level. Your mind is objecting to that subconsiously. JUst relax . dont panic pver the thing. dont have any other seconds thoughts about that . tel ur subconsious mind very clearly what u want. relax & enjoy sex.
2006-07-03 05:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by pumpkin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It probably is a conscious thing or sub conscious if you were happy with what was/is going to happen you would be relaxed & not have a problem. Think about why you are having this problem!! perhaps you are actually doing this for him & not you.
2006-07-03 04:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by wombat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your body is trying to tell you something. You don't have to show your boyfriend that you love him just be having sex with him. If he is 'the one' he will be understand and just let things happen when they are ready to happen.
2006-07-03 04:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by aerdna2u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has a medicaol name-vaginmus probably the wrong spelling but its usually due to psychological issues -your doctor can refer u to a sex therapist hope this helps good luck xx
2006-07-03 05:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its some sort of nervous thing, have a few drinks next time to relax yourself.
2006-07-03 04:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by Michael W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋