What to say to co-worker?

Question

My co-worker has not bathed since last week and came to work smelling of BO and beer. We share the same office, which isn't a large room. She is having a hard time right now because she got kicked out of her apartment and is living in her car. We don't get along and she yells at me alot and I don't like her. I thought about asking her if she wanted to stay at my place until she found a place, at least so she could bathe, but she is allergic to cats and I have 2. She is also deathly afraid of dogs and I have 2 big labs that are inside dogs. I don't know what to do.

She also steals food from my desk drawers when I leave the office. I find the empty bags in her trash can, yet she nevers says thank you or even asks if she can eat my snacks.

Answer 1

I would talk to your HR supervisor. They usually have a tactful way of approaching these issues. If you're not her boss then you really don't have a right to say anything directly to her. It was nice of you to offer to help her out though!

Answer 2

Well, it really is not your responsibility to say anything to her. The fact that you do not get along with her will probably put her off from the start so anything you say will automatically be seen as a personal attack on her. Talk to your supervisor, and find out if you can come to some sort of an agreement about how to handle the situation. You could offer for her to come to your house and get cleaned up and do some laundry, and explain to he that you admire her strength and you know you would appreciate a hot bath to relax in for a while :). I know you want to help her, but not everyone can be saved. Sometimes one has to save themselves.

Answer 3

do you have/can you get a free trial membership (or guest membership) to a local gym for her, where she can shower?

do you think she's yelling at you b/c she doesn't like you, or b/c it's a defense mechanism and she's afraid you'll judge her? if the latter, maybe you can talk to her... even just telling her that you wanted to offer her a place to stay, but can't because of the cats and dogs issue, maybe that will make her realize that you're trying to help....

I don't know what to do about her stealing your food.... maybe put a note on top of the food (in your drawer or wherever you keep it)... I don't know what the note would say, though. "we need to talk" maybe? or "please ask before taking this - I'd like to help you out." etc. So, if she saw the note and didn't want to talk to you, she could pretend she never saw it.....

I don't know, that's a toughie. good luck!

Answer 4

Whoa - that's crazy.

I wouln't invite her to your place - you many never get rid of her. She sounds like the kind of person who would turn you into a doormat at your own place. Don't even consider it! Obvioulsy, she has a job and can afford to drink; she has some income. She's clearly not responsible, and I wouldn't trust her with a key to my home!

There are all kinds of women's shelters and places that she could go. She needs to take the responsibility for herself.

Or tell her to join a gym - there are showers there she could use!

As far as the stench at work, Airwick came out with these scent machines (they cost like $10 at the grocery store) that you hang on the wall. You can set them to automatically spray air freshener every few minutes. Hang that above her area and see how she reacts! (My husband did this, and it "cleaned" up the problem!).

I would also suggest talking to your manager or a human resources representative. She could be posing a health risk to you (think scabies, lice, all that creepy stuff!), and you shouldn't have to work in those circumstances. They also may be able to refer her to a counselor or something who can give her options.

Good luck - I don't envy you!

Answer 5

Oh Melissa C,
Don't you have some vacation time saved up? My first instinct wold be to get the hay outta there for a while. This co worker thing is really getting to you. It must be awful. You are a good person for even thinking of offering your home to her for a while, but you just cannot.

You are not part of her problem, nor are you part of her solution.She would probably kill your pets, then you would have to go berserk. if you deal with the public, a customer will complain, but you probably don't, so that is hopeless. Your boss is unhelpful. Hm mm, you may have to resort to anonymous pay phone calls to your boss' boss the next time she smells of alcohol.

Answer 6

Offer to take her to a homeless shelter where she can get a bath and meal. If this doesn't work, tell your boss about it and ask that he or she do something. You should not have to work with someone who is obviously drunk and dirty.

She may indeed be having a hard time, but it sounds as if she isn't doing anything to help herself either--and it's not your responsibility, no matter how sorry for her you may feel. She needs to pull herself up by her own bootstraps here, not depend on others to do it for her. You don't have to be unkind, but you should be firm, and you should not have to work with such a liability in the same room.

Answer 7

No way in hell you should let her in your place! if she's stealing your snacks now- just think what she'll do when she gets in your house? I would help her look for places if your that compelled to help her...

She doesn't sound liek someone you should associate yourself with, keep it at work and that's it.. otherwise you're going to have nothing but headaches.. and it's not your fault she got kicked out of her apartment-don't feel so bad..

if the smell is bothering you- talk to the boss and ask to work from home for a few days??

Answer 8

You should tell your boss and let them deal with or tell her to go to a motel and get a shower and give up boozing for one night. Or bring all kind of air fresheners and hang them all around her desk but have someone else do it you should be with her when this is happening so yes won't start yelling at you. you have three choices and do something and stop your belly aching. and let me know the outcome also place a mouse trap in a brown bag witha twinky in it but don't load the trap that will get her thinking also

Answer 9

make a complaint to your Manager or HR. I am sure there is something your your employee handbook about dress code. This is hard, but if you do not want to get those people involved, just tell her. Let her know that she needs to take care of herself and respect herself. ****She will be mad at you no matter what you say or do**** I had to tell a co-worker once that her feet smelled so bad, she had to leave work wash her feet and change her shoes. Needless to say she did not talk to me for a while after that, but the office thanked me for it.

Answer 10

On the food issue, stop bringing food to work - or keep it in a locked area, or in your car (if heat won't ruin it, or use a cooler). As to her hygeine problems, it must be addressed: she reflects poorly upon your company's image. If you don't have a HR department, talk to her supervisor about the problem, and if nothing is done, I'd tell her that the problem is bothering me and affecting my ability to do my work in a timely and professional manner. Don't hesitate to be blunt as a last resort.

Answer 11

Let's see, she stinks, she steals and she's mean to you. WHY would you ever consider letting her stay with you? I'd be sorry she's having a hard time, but sounds llike she's not very responsible to begin with. Let someone else take the stray home. You need to go straight your supervisor. And take a can of air freshener to work.