It's like a " I dont want you but no one else can have you" kind of thing. It seems unfair to me. I think everyone needs to be held and loved...How do you know when it's time to let go- when there is no hope left for a partnership? I've been there through lots of things- through EVERYTHING- and I lost myself. I miss me. I miss having companionship as opposed to just having sex woth someone because we're supposed to....
2006-07-03 04:15:45 · 30 answers · asked by Shell 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You guys are all so helpful- actually two things make this suck. #1- I found out he's on drugs. ( Which is worse than another woman- how can I compete?) and #2- we're having a baby in December. So- hard to pick up and go. I know he doesn't care- if he did I wouldn't be on Yahoo answers telling my problems to complete strangers...
2006-07-03 04:41:31 · update #1
You just answered your own question. You said you lost yourself. I was there where your at. I got out. Marriage was everything to me and i was nothing to him but a piece of property. I found me again. I am so much happier in life and so are the people around me. You live one life and one life only make it the best you can.There is someone out there that will want what you want. Move on girl for your sanity.Dont cheat just leave him.
2006-07-03 04:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by sweeetkisses2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship, even if he does not hurt you physically, he has and is damaging you emotionally! I do suggest you make some steps forward but not into the waiting arms of another man! Right now because you have been with a jerk, your self esteem is way down, so you would be vulnerable to the same kind of jerk you have now!
If you feel you have lost yourself, might I suggest that you call a shelter for abused women, and ask if you can speak with a counselor. Talk to them, ask them if there is a shelter available for you (and your children, if you have any). If they can take you in, go and do not give your husband time or a chance to say, "NO!" Do not contact him, the women's shelter will help you get an order of protection, and will help you start divorce proceedings probably via a legal aid attorney. Having an affair will only add to your problems, don't do it!
Right now you need therapy more than you need sex. The man you are with is abusing you and you need to get to know yourself and become self-reliant before you go off with other men! If you do not do these things for yourself nobody else can do them for you! If you run to another man now he will treat you the same as the one you have now because you make poor choices when your self esteem has been flushed down the toilet.
Good luck, and do not have the affair! Get away from the jerk that you are with, before he decides a beating would make you even more compliant! I am telling you now, abuse usually only gets worse! God bless you, I would suggest couples therapy for you, but I think your situation is beyond that point. Get some help for yourself!
2006-07-03 11:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by ruthie_msw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your that unhappy, get a Divorce
I firmly believe that you should NOT go outside your marriage EVER. If you want out, get a divorce!!
Does you husband egnore you, no sex, what?
Have you tried everything you can think of to make the marriage better?
if so and he hasn't responded GET OUT
You deserve to be treated like a women, and be respected. Why should you live unhappy, when there are so many men out there that will treat you better.
I just think having an affair is wrong..Get a divorce then have all the fun you want.
Sorry your going through all of this, but once your out you'll probably wonder why you stayed so long.
Take control of your life, stand up for what you want or don't want in your relationships. BE HAPPY, and don't let someone else run your life.
7-5-06
Wow. Maybe you have to get him arrested which will make him face his drug problem.
He doesn't care because of the drugs!!!!
If he can get off them, you might have your hubby back.
You have to either get out, or commit to getting him clean before that baby arrives.
Good luck to you, you have a long road ahead of you. My prayers our with you, stay strong, you can handle this.
2006-07-03 11:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind that this is only my opinion.
Because it's wrong. When we marry another, we take a solemn vow "forsaking all others". There was also a vow in there as I recall about "for better or worse".
If the marriage is bad enough that you are considering having an affair, let me suggest this... Tell him that you want a divorce. End the marriage now and don't wait another second before you tell him. Get off the computer and tell him. When the marriage is over, then do what you will.
Life is too short to remain un-happy where you are now. My question is this...Did you lose yourself or do you feel that he made you lose yourself? Sounds like some deeper issues going on here to me.
2006-07-03 11:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because when you married him, you presumably took a vow to be with him and only him, "for better or for worse..." You've already made the commitment to see it through the hard times. Maybe he's having some sort of problem right now, and he needs your companionship more than anything, but he's a guy and guys have a hard time saying things like that, especially when they're true.
2006-07-03 11:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by Tim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens when the female gives all for him initially. He expects it to stay that way even if he chooses to go outside of the marriage. You are the only person who knows the truth in the marriage, and if he's going else where, he's going to continue until he feels like he'll loose you. Men are selfish more so than females when it come to letting someone else have you even if they truly don't. Prove that he's having an affair, and get out. Don't be the one to start being unfaithful and get caught, this is what he wants to cover his cheating.
2006-07-03 11:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you leave him rather than have an affair? I agree you deserve more and if there is nothing left in your relationship then why stay in the relationship. If you really want to be loved then you can only find that by ending this relationship before seeking a new one. An affair is about sex, not love and I think what your missing is love.
2006-07-03 11:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation. My husband is an a**, always busy and promoting himself. I am in love with someone else, actually, always have been. I am afraid of divorce and the stereotypes that follow that around. I wish you the best of luck....I am trying to work things out with my guy...we are going to see counseling, and if it cannot be resolved, then I am leaving...and I will truly think through marriage if it ever arises again. GOOD LUCK.
2006-07-03 11:22:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like u r looking for a reason to have an affair or some justification to do so.Marriage isn't perfect but u did say I do. If its not working then end it.Fooling around on the side doesn't do anyone any good.Call it quits and start over.
2006-07-03 11:24:12 · answer #9 · answered by hoop_102 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are married, you are married and you should honor that. But I know your situation. I lived it. And after 20 years I let go. I expected to feel lonely but the moment I walked out the door I was astounded to find that I suddenly DIDN'T feel lonely any more! I had been so lonely that I was miserable and sick all the time.
You have to make a choice, but don't cheat.
Good luck. Either way is rough.
2006-07-03 11:28:41 · answer #10 · answered by Batty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋