Just Curious?

Question

When you notice that you are bysexual or gay, does it happen from a life changing event, passed down through a generation, or are you born that way? I'm just wondering, how does one become or acknowlede that they are gay?

Please, this is a serious question. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but would like to know the answer from the source instead of hearsay. Anyone who has anything negative or potentially demeaning towards this question, please refrain from responding.

Thank You

Please, this is a serious question. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but would like to know the answer from the source instead of hearsay. Anyone who has anything negative or potentially demeaning to say towards this question, please refrain from responding.

Thank You

Answer 1

Although I am not "GAY", I have "BECOME" bisexual...
I believe it is different for everyone who eventually comes to the realization that they can be attracted to the same sex. I do believe that some are born with the inclination to prefer a relationship with someone of the same sex, and they may recognize it at a very early age, and maybe can't define it.(due to lack of knowledge or experience.) Once they have sexually matured, they recognize it, but due to belief systems they were raised with, may try to deny it for a very long time. Most do not want to open themselves up to ridicule, harassment, and possibly EXCLUSION from their family or group of peers.
On the other hand, maybe others grew up feeling "normal" until a specific event "opened new doors" for them. It could happen in a variety of ways, ranging from sexual abuse all the way down to just one day being "turned on" or excited by something they considered "tabboo".
As for me, it wasn't like I grew up with hidden desires to be with another female. It happened slowly, as I grew older and sexually matured in my relationships with men. I don't believe that any of us are "fully awakened" sexually for many years...although sex is great, and we enjoy it, we CAN'T POSSIBLY know it or have felt it ALL in a month of playing around with it! It takes years to perfect and experience many aspects of the sexual relationship and develop our own "taste" or preference for certain things.
For example: do you think most people fantasized as a young child about the things that a sadomasochist might enjoy? I doubt it, I never desired to have my *** beat for no reason but enjoyment!!!
So, take into consideration that we "grow" sexually and as we have different experiences, we may run across a few that we like and want more of.
For me, it was something that I saw, something that I felt, and something that was tabboo.
My first live-in BF was not the "missionary" kind of guy! And I didn't have much experience at all with intercourse...He made me more aware of my body and the things it preferred to feel. His touch literally "woke up the woman in me". He introduced me to positions, toys, and pornographic magazines (most of which portrayed men and women in the act, and once in awhile, two women together) On days when he was working and I was alone, I would pull out his magazine collection to see if there was anything I might learn to surprise him with....and found myself repeatedly going back to look at two women having oral sex. I never told him that I was doing that, but I did it an awful lot...then I found I was masturbating with it everyday.....but I never though I was bisexual...
Years later, I went to a party with friends who introduced me to the girl and guy who lived there, who later left to go buy more alcohol...she asked me to lock the door behind her as she left, so I walked with her to the door. As she walked out, she turned and kissed me, with her tongue....I stood there in shock for minutes after she was gone. I thought about her for many years, but have continued having satisfying relationships with men very seldom thinking about women.
After being married for a number of years, my husband (who knew I wasn't against same-sex sex) asked a friend to experiment with us. And the rest is history....not just learning about bisexuality, but of other things tabboo....I have "grown" more sexually the past five years than most would be willing to admit. Letting go and giving in to the desire gave me the ability to accept and desire many more things as a sexual being. As I mentioned earlier, no one grows up desiring a spanking, but some sexually grow to desire it! As for me, sex with women is enjoyable , mostly because I am "kinky"...I don't desire or need an emotional relationship with the same sex, I just enjoy the ability to be turned on by them and the opportunity to turn them on as well!
So, are we born that way?
Some are, some aren't.
Generally, we have the ability to develop a taste for things we find exciting.....thats why there are so many different sexual practices and lifestyle choices in existence. And to be open to the experiences that may come is exciting in itsself....and help us grow and live life to the fullest desire without hurting a soul!
I've been "awakened" to many things beyond bisexualism, and would urge anyone else to allow themselves to be awakened as well, not specifically with the same sex, but follow your desires to feel whatever you are morally comfortable with, be it dressing sexy to toys, swinging to S&M, there are plenty of doors we hold the keys to, but never unlock!

* to respond to the post below, Maybe that is your OPINION, which differs from mine.....if I were BORN with the inclination, I would have been open to it at much an earlier age. To be "born" with something, means to also have to adjust or accomodate to its interference in your life. To "become" means to accept and act on a "new" desire that otherwise was not a condition to your sexual fulfillment. I guess in my "biography of personal experience", I should have ellaborated further, but I figured everyone would get a clue! I can assure you I am not "curious" as I am too experienced to need to "wonder" about how being with a woman makes me feel. Of course, I do have a "CHOICE" in whether I actively seek out the same sex relationship. It isn't about anything emotional....I love all of my friends, I don't need to love someone to have sex with them. I am only capable of feeling "in love" with my husband, and that satisfies my soul. Now, if I were to lose him, I would be capable of falling "in love" with a woman. Does that still make me "curious"?.....LOL
No, it makes me a woman, who is not curious, who is in love with a man and although is fully capable of having a satisfying sexual relationship with a man, is also equally capable of loving and having a satisfying sexual relationship with a woman, but who at this time, because she loves a man, OCCASIONALLY enjoys a sexual relationship with a woman WITHIN the boundaries of a heterosexual marriage!
You do realize that there are alot of "married -to -a-woman-GAY-men" out there , right? (who BTW like to have sex with other men whom they may or may not love) Does that make them Bisexual?
Whats the difference except that I am not a man?
I also wasn't born craving a slap on the *** just for the pain of it...but It sure does turn me on now!
If we must categorize ourselves, we also need to consider and respect each others differences, choices and life arrangements! Why do we as a "group" (L,G,Bi) need to support each other and our sexuality? Because the majority of society does not!
I will define myself, for I am the one that lives my life.
No one person can be roundly pushed into a square hole.

Answer 2

First more and more scientific studies are finding that being gay is something you are born with. While it has yet to be proven without a doubt this seems to be a growing consensus.

As for these life changing events. Well typically it is a life changing event that causes you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself questions about who am I and what really makes me happy. Only you can answer that question.

It is also a life changing event the first time anyone experiences gay sex. Come on now that is something that does not happen in your everyday life.

So, one does not become gay. It is more likely you are born gay. It is not a choice like some religious people believe. As for acknowledging your gay. Well that is up to you. DO you find a physical and emotional bond with men? One that would make you want to send your life with a man, or at least some time with them over women?

Chances are if you are asking yourself "am I gay" than you are and just scared. It's ok, you're not alone and if you do come out, your world will not end, but only get better.

Answer 3

The process of realizing one is homosexual is often painful and hard. It is not easy for a homosexual person to accept the fact that they are THAT different from other people. No homosexual wants to be what the majority of society finds at the very least, objectionable. No homosexual just wakes up one day and decides he/she is homosexual. It often takes years... sometimes decades, for gay people to accept it. To the people around, it appears that person turned gay. Those people aren't aware of the years/decades of torture the homosexual person went through before he/she made the decision to let them know.

Most gay people think they were born that way... or it is just part of who they are, not something they chose at any point.

Many straight people think it is a choice.

I think I would take the word of the ones who are living it, not the word of anybody who, themselves, cannot recall making that choice.

The life changing event is that when a homosexual no longer has to hide it, they no longer have to worry about accidental "outings."
That is enough of a relief for some people that they "rejoice."

Answer 4

Some people feel their lesbian or homosexual sexuality from early childhood, however, feeling it and understanding it are two different things. Some people may be confused by the feelings they have, unsure of themselves, maybe even think something is wrong with the way they feel and think, and end up not exploring their feelings until later in life or not at all. Some people know it and understand it right away. Most people believe you are born into your sexuality, although that will be argued otherwise throughout eternity.

Answer 5

Around puberty, when everyone starts going "OMG girls", you're sitting in the corner going "what's the big friggin' deal?"

There ARE a lot of "Well, when I was really little I preferred to play with the girls" stories, for which I honestly don't have an explanation. I fall in that category, but I don't consider myself particularly "fabulous"; it's not about gender ID or anything. But as for actually knowing "yep, I'm gay", it happens around the same time other guys go "yep, I'm straight" (or "yep, I like women" as the case may be).

Answer 6

I think I noticed that I was gay before I even knew what "gay" and "sex" were. I have always been physically and emotionally attracted to guys--boys when I was a boy, teenaged males when I was a teenager, and adult men now. As for how one becomes gay? Well that's like asking how one acquires blue eyes or brown hair. It's something that you're born with, whether from genes, hormones, or a combination of those things.

As for acknowledging how one is gay. Well, that takes some really intense soul searching, to put it lightly. I can't speak for anyone else, but I was raised in a predominantly Christian environment that viewed homosexuality as a choice. At the time I started hearing all of this, I was aware that I wasn't given a choice and I even though I tried to make myself straight. Through everything from prayer to self torture that almost lead to suicide. Then I saw ONE cute guy who I couldn't resist. It was instinctive! I didn't just decide one day that I was going to like guys, I've always been attracted to men. No offence to women, but the idea of sexual intimacy and the emotional intimacy that goes along with liking women as as alien to me as the idea of homosexuality to some heterosexuals. It was, literally, unthinkable...Even if I could think it, my body would NEVER react, no matter what!

I was bombarded by messages (mostly from my parents) that gay men *want* to be women...that gay men are the result of weak fathers...that gay men were molested as children, blah, blah, blah, but none of those criteria fit me, and I even endured two failed exorcisms among religious fanatics to "rebuke the demon of homosexuality" out of me...and all that did was give me the stain of olive oil on my forehead and a bruised ego that stayed bruised for far too long.

There are those who, like me, are aware that they're different at an early age and struggle against it though adolescence only to accept it by the time they're in college if not earlier...there are others who fight it all their lives and actually marry the opposite sex and live miserably, often making their spouses miserable as well...and there are those lucky few who have no problems accepting it. I think the hardest thing, especially among gay guys my age and older is that there were NO supports for self exploration of the type that's required. There was no one to talk to or learn from, no one to trust, and so the acknowledgement process was as pleasant as driving nails into your own eyes. I can remember when I first acknowledged that I am gay. My first thought was "Oh God, please let me be anything but THAT." And of course, that particular prayer wasn't answered. I'm glad of that now, and based on the way things have the potential of going today and in the future, I think the easiest way to acknowledge if you're gay or lesbian or bisexual is to find people who accept you for who you are and allow you to be that without accusing you of shoving anything down anyone's throat if you so much as sit next to another person like yourself.

And as for becoming gay...? Well, the converse question to always remember is: "So, when did you BECOME straight?"

Answer 7

You are born a lesbian, bi, gay, or straight. Now saying that you may not figure it out until later in your life. This "coming out" to yourself thing is different for each person. Then it may also take years until you feel ready to "come out" to the rest of the world.

To reply to a earlier poster: You do not "become" or turn into anything overtime you were never meant to be. That sounds more like being bi-curious not bisexual.

Answer 8

I come right here because i do not get carry of adequate interest contained in the Royalty section. EDIT: Your extra records might want to easily as surely ask why, at the same time as an atheist has a question, do Christians tell them to "examine the Bible" or answer with miles of replica/previous textual content. there is not some thing effective from such an answer, merely as there is not some thing to be received from pointing out that there is not any god. yet it really is a public communicate board, an section to ask questions or communicate problems with a non secular and non secular nature. we are able to continually get carry of solutions we are not searching for, yet as genuine looking, to blame human beings, we could continually be able to seem previous that. do not you compromise?

Answer 9

If you were slow on the uptake, like I was, you'll know that there's something different about you but you'll either deny or just not recognise it. Then as you grow (not much) older, you become more aware of the possibilities and come to realise what you are.

That was my experience. Others were more aware at an early age.

Answer 10

There's no life flashing before your eyes, you live it as you do most of your life and like anything else you're either proud of what or who you've done or you're not.

But f*** man it's ulitmately the experience, in the end choose what you like most. If u like it all then happier the boy you.

Answer 11

If you're attracted to people of the same sex, you're gay. If you just want to fool around and have varied sexual experiences, you're experimenting with ideas.