What do you think?

Question

Sunday, June 18, 2006
I just want to know as a 32f why do fathers' today want to have nothing to do with their kids? Especially their sons. My son is 4. He has never known my ex-husband. My ex don't want to know him chooses bitches over his son. My daughter is 9 and she is so turned off by men. She tells me 1 thing that ain't marrin but she is waitin to have kids till after college then without a man she is gonna suceed and her kids don't need a man for them to be here. That her children don't need a father to make it. That she herself don't need him for nothing .His lies have shown her that a marriage won't work. My ex used to beat me and she saw it. or at least heard it. Do u Get it? so WHY do fathers want nothing to do wit there seeds. I waited to have my kids after college and with a husband so i didn't have my children without thoughts. to the ones that are there from the begining to the end. Props to you. What do u all think?

I have read what you have said but I want to set a couple things straight. 1 My ex beat the sh*t out of me in front of my daughter and anyone else that was around he didn't care. So I don't bash my ex in front of the kids. My daughter can close her eyes and remember.
2. My ex says I left him so it is my responsiblilty to raise my children.If i had never left him then he would bre there and helpin out.
3. I didn't say all men I said " to the ones out there that are raisin their kids you give me hope that 1 day I will meet a good man." So I know that there are good men out there but now with this experience on my shoulders I notice that I push them away. I expect them to f*ck up till they leave. GET IT> So try it now . + i don't need a man to make my family work...I am doing that already.

Answer 1

My brother and I haven't seen our father for eight years now. I am 22.

Overall.... Its a coward thing I believe.

Answer 2

I think that most fathers do want to be involved with their kids. For those that are divorced and don't want to be around, there could be a variety of reasons for that. One can be that they don't get along very well with their ex and avoid their kids because they don't want to deal with their ex. There could be resentment on their part if they feel they are paying too much in "child support".

Don't get mad but you may have unintentionally turned your daughter off of relationships with things you may be saying when she's within earshot. For example, you start off by asking what's wrong with fathers today. Blanket statements like that may give your daughter the idea that all (or most) men are bad. I'm sorry you got involved with an abuser but you don't want to vicitimize your kids by letting them think that bad relationships are the norm. Good luck.

Answer 3

Obviously you've been in a bad situation, but not all men are like that. I have 3 kids and I love spending time with them. To generalize father's today as "hands-off" is unfair to those who aren't. Hopefully you're daughter will have a good experience before she gets to the point where she's so jaded that she'll hate men for the rest of her life.

Answer 4

I do not understand how some fathers can be such deadbeats and not even see their kids. My ex husband hasn't seen my daughter in over 2 years. We divorced the end of 1997 and up until 2001 he was there every other weekend to pick her up and really took an interest in her. oh, by the way, she has spina bifida, she is very healthy and overly smart, though. Anyway, starting in 2001 he just stopped visitation all together when he met his wife. She hates me and my daughter and I guess she did not want her around. My daughter was in the hospital on life support after a massive siezure and he never even came to see her and he was in the hospital 2 floors down visiting his grandmother who was in there. He dowes not call on holidays or her birthdays. He gave consent for my husband to adopt her as long as I never asked him for child support. He has never given me 1$ not even when he was visiting with her. He now has 2 more sons with his wife and to him he is World's Greatest Dad. I used to get upset about it, but now I see that my daughter is better off without his sorry, no good, deadbeat *ss. He is the one who is gonna suffer and so is your sorry ex. Just keep doing what you are doing and be Mommy and Daddy to your kids. It sounds like you are raising a strong independant young woman and her views about men will change as she gets older and falls in love. Explain to her that there are good men out there and not to base her opinion on all men on her father. Your son will grow up fine, too, because of you. Actually we should both consider ourselves lucky that us and our kisd will not be subjected to the jerks we chose to be with. We all make mistakes. Be happy that you are strong enough to get out of an abusive relationship and support your kids yourself. You sound like a strong woman. Be proud of yourself. You are an inspiration to all women. So many stay out of being scared to leave and be on their own and you had the courage to get out and leave the stupid *ss. I say props to you and your kids. Don't worry, your kids are gonna grow up strong and that is because of you. God bless and good luck.

Answer 5

Careful, not all dads are like your ex. I am a father of 3, remarried and I still take care of my kids 50% of the time. My children and my wife's children (5 in all) are the light and life of my world.

Answer 6

believe me if a person fall in from a tall building then it never means all person are gonna die after falling from great hieght the circumstances that sorround one may change with person ....... if u had a bad experiance with ur life it does not mean ur whole family is gonna be that way try to make ur children know this fact .. and i m not saying this as i m experianced well truely i m just half of ur age
but on behalf of all Men who are good father ... including my father and family who have sarificed a lot for us children

Answer 7

At nine years old she shouldn't know so much of the personal part of mom and dad. Mom's and Dad's think their hurting each other by trying to turn the children against the other parent, BUT IT'S YOUR CHILD THAT HURTS from it. Just listen to what you said she feels thats from adults. Keep the kids out of it let them stay kids. Don't fill their heads with Dad And Moms feelings. Protect them from it all don't include them in it. Children expect their parents to protect them from things. DO IT PROTECT THEM!

Answer 8

just because you picked a bad seed doesn't mean all men are like this...you married this guy, deal with the consequences and work on your family and raising your kids...how long have you been divorced? i would exclude him from your life and your children's lives...stop talking about him and move on...you have more influence on your daughter than anyone, you can mold her and change her thoughts on men...

Answer 9

oh my god girl sounds just like my situation... the kids become trophies to show off when its convenient.you cant force him to be a dad he will learn the hard way. as for your daughter thats great-i always say maybe my daughter will learn from my mistakes and hopefully will not need a man till she wants one and finds the right one...

Answer 10

not all men are like that. my ex isnt the father of my children, but he acts like he is. he is always asking about them, and the grandkids. we live in different states now. we're still friends.