I am dating this man who is separated from his wife, they are about to divorce on August 4, 2006. He is a hard worker, and has 2 boys, we have been working on building something together, but his family always seems to be causing "drama" in his life, and when we make plans, he puts myself and my daughter second. I have tried to be patient and understanding, but i am at my limit. He told me he lived one place and I tried to find it but couldn't, but I found the other place where his soon to be ex lives, and his vehicle was there....but he tells me he resides separately from her....people that know him and I keep telling me that he is not the type to lie to me....what should i do...its the fourth of july and I am about to explode...
2006-07-03 03:10:40 · 28 answers · asked by angel_fire_2149 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me add that he has been separated for 1 year....and has introduced his sons to me, so i am not the homewrecker....it was already wrecked before I came in the picture....
2006-07-03 09:02:44 · update #1
let me add that he has been separated for 1 year....and has introduced his sons to me, so i am not the homewrecker....it was already wrecked before I came in the picture....
2006-07-03 09:04:00 · update #2
Doesn't sound good so far, but you need to be discussing things with him. If you cannot communicate, and there is no trust, then you don't have any kind of foundation to build a relationship on. Why is it the two of you are serious enough to be "working on building something together" and yet you don't know where he lives?
He likely puts you and your daughter second right now, because he is still MARRIED. Separated or not, he probably knows his family is unlikely to accept him already having moved on, with his divorce not yet final. He's probably putting his family first right now, because he doesn't know how to explain his new girlfriend.
Talk to him about it and see what his reasons are...or you can wait until after the divorce (just another month) and see if things change any. There'll be no need to keep secrets then or keep you in the background.
2006-07-03 03:17:20 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Any time your dating with someone who has already has children is going to be tricky. But then dating someone who is seperated but not divorced is a whole nother ball game. Your almost setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Just because their seperated does not mean things are over between them, they could have just need some space.
The two boys really should not be causing "drama" if anyone is causing it, it is most likely the wife. If anything he should be working on bringing you and your daughter into the boys' life, so that they are comfortable, letting them know that him and his wife are not together. Kids always get crazy ideas about trying to get their parents back together, trust me I tried it, it always caused more problems.
Maybe you should back off the relationship until the divorce goes through and is finale. Just to be sure, because not to be getting you down or anything but it sounds like your just getting used. The only thing that will ever come out of that is you AND your daughter will get hurt. You need think about her, put her first. If you think that she might get attached to this man (who motives may not be pure) then you really should just drop the him. Never sacrifice your child's emotional welfare (or physical) just for your love life. It will just cause "drama" between you and her.
2006-07-03 03:29:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him go immediately!
It is clear where his priorities are. The ex will always be around to create drama and he'll go running. The end of a relationship is like a death-he needs at least 2 yrs to get over it.
One thing guys do (and some women) is to get involved w/someone else right away.
Why do you want someone who cannot be committed to you and your daughter on a full time basis?
It's not smart to get involved w/someone who has kids anyway. There's always the child support and the ex being involved till the kids are 18 and then some.
Find a single guy who wants a kid already or wants to build a life w/you and your daughter.
It's obvious this guy feels it's ok to lie to you.
2006-07-03 03:17:25 · answer #3 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right,I am too honest for my own good,and I dont care about points.I personally would never be second best in a relationship.I couldnt hack that.His family will always come before you,they are his priority.This sounds terrible,but,if there was a fire and he had a choice of saving his sons or your daughter,his flesh and blood would come first.Thats how it is.I would never date someone who already has children.This is how your life will always be.If I was you I would find someone who hasnt had children,then perhaps you could have a final child with that person.I have two girls,been in the same situation as you.shoved to the side.bugger that.His previous family he would run all the time at every little 'episode'.got on my nerves.I loved the guy,he was gorgeous.I put my children first.I wanted them to have the best.yes,I was devastated.Now I am with a man who hasnt had kids,he treats them like his own because he hasnt had any.maybe one day we will have one of our own.he is not bothered now,he feels he has kids of his own now.They are his number 1 priority.Thats how it should be.dont be second best in this life.life is too short to waste.Its worth taking chances,although it doesnt feel it at the time,you never know what is round the next corner.
2006-07-03 03:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They may say he's not the type but you drove by the house and there he was. All men are the type. You and your kids will always come second to his. Would you put him in front of your kids ? This relationship did not start out good. He was still married, lying to you about where he lives and already there is hard feelings over the "drama". Where is this really going to go ? Why invest your time with this guy ? Relationships are hard enough to maintain without all this extra baggage.
2006-07-03 03:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to be involved with someone who can't stay in a marriage? Are you the reason for his marital problem? Do yourself a favor and cut him loose. If any man allows his family to create drama without taking a stand, he will be game for anyone. He may not exactly be a loser, but he certainly isn't a winner. Then there is the matter of him dating someone while he is married. If he is using you at this point in his relationship with his wife, what's to keep him from doing the same to you in the future. "Once a cheater, always a cheater"
Why do women fall for guys like that and then think that all men are a bunch of pigs? I don't get it, I just don't get it.
2006-07-03 03:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by Awesome Bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have recently gotten a divorce. I did see a woman during my seperation, but ended that relationship because I have not heard of anyone making it in that instance. I now have a wonderful Fiancee but I did meet her after I was already divorced. I also know that it is very hard to leave a spouse even if things are terrible. Don't leave this guy because I said so. Listen deep inside yourself and find your truth. Do not second guess whats best for you and your children. Good Luck...
2006-07-03 03:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by CosmicCruiser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be dating a still-married man. Right now he's got the best of both worlds. Leave him completely until he has been divorced an entire year. Then try again if you must. Anytime there's divorce going on, and kids involved, there should not be dating. Put your kids FIRST, instead of you. Hate to be the one to tell you - but it's not always about you.
2006-07-03 03:13:11 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and foremost.. I am sorry to tell you, but as long as that man os married you and your daughter will be second. you are the other woman that holds no power and no water. your best bet is to leave him alone and find a man of your own. ask your self this... How long have they been separated? He is having his cake and eating it to, and there is nothing you can do about it, because his FAMILY comes before a Fling... and if they didn't he would be divorced by now...
2006-07-03 03:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Shonda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, you were asking for trouble by getting involved with a married man. However, if he is getting divorced, it's probably ok. But divorces are messy and difficult. He and his ex probably have a lot of crap to go over and split up, so he's going to spend time with her to figure everything out. I would cool it for a little bit and let him get his life on track. I'm sure everything with you two is fine, he just needs to sort his things.
2006-07-03 03:17:55 · answer #10 · answered by lizwatson109 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋