am i doing the right thing?

Question

ive been married since 97 and unhappy for almost as long we have 2 kids, i kinda fell like if i leave im not doing the right thing by them, so should i stay and cheat, should i stay and not cheat and just live, or should i get out and ruin everyones lives to make mine better, i ask theses ? to myself all day everyday maybe someone out there has been on this boat or is still on it

Answer 1

Have you tried getting help for you and your husband?

i wouldnt walk away from it, not if you can some how reach a common ground and try to make it work.

get help, share with your husband where you are and what you've been going through. These sort of situations grow and take form because the person suffering doesnt share it with their partner.

Love takes communication. and HONESTY. tell him you're afraid. Your life is wretched and has been. You dont know what to do for the sake of the family, for the sake of the children. You dont know how to fix things with him, and you're afraid he wont want to, or wont help you.

dont point fingers, dont place blame. just tell him what you're scared about, what you're feeling. let him atleast have the option to help make it right.

you two loved eachother enough to get married and promise to love eachother until you died. some where that went south. But it takes two to tango, and two to drop the ball. And even more so it takes two to make it right again.

Answer 2

People would say stay for the children sake. Kids are the main ones to think about. But there are some kids, who also notice mom and dad not happy. They will get hurt, angry, and may turn their back against ya.
But why stay in a relationship that not going no where. Does your husband feel the same way ? Have you try, or least got to tell how you feel ?
If you stay in a marriage for the kids. They will get older and leave few years down the road. But you still be stuck there. During all this, you will be thinking. What if I could had gotten out. I could be with someone that I really care about. They could care about me too.
If you feel like your marriage is heading down a dead end street. Then make a U turn and get out while ya can. If I had small kids and a restless marriage. I would leave and start over again. The kids will learn , live, and their lifes will go on.

Answer 3

For the sake of the Kidd's, and your wife don't leave. You are in a classic situation. You should know that after many years of marriage and when kids come along marriage life can become terrible for a man and a woman, all the stress the kids bring whit them, you come home and the wife is hysteric yelling at the noisy, naughty kids, you can't stand her voice, she is not as attractive as she once was, you have sex rarely these days, and when you do, you do it because you have to, or because it has been a long while, but it is not your wife's fault, can you imagine the stress she is under, trying to raise those kids. My advice to you is don't leave them, I am sure you love your kids, and I am sure deep in your heart you love your wife, no matter how many times you hated her. The solution is frank and evil. Cheat on your wife, but don't let her notice, be as careful as you can be, and try your utmost best not to hurt her feeling and not to make her know. Be good to her, remember her birthday, your marriage anniversary and valentine's day, bring her flowers and gifts on those occasions, and make your self realise that there is no way out of this marriage, and that you just have to live a paralel life, your own private male secretive life. Be a fox and don't make mistakes. Most if not all married guys I know are living that way, and they remain married, and keep their wives happy, it is not to your advantage to make her life hard. Keep her happy, and you will be happy. Use viagra or Cialis if you have to, after consulting your doctor, or similar when you make love to her, she will think all this power is because you desire her. My answer might be rude, and hard for some who are reading it to accept, but what other solution is better? If you leave them, you will hurt the woman that bore you kids, she suffered for 9 months during each pregnancy, she suffered while giving birth, while breast feeding. while spending sleepless nights looking after the kids, rewarding her by leaving her is terrible, and leaving the kids grow without a dad arround is horrible. Your choice.

Answer 4

you are making yourself miserable with your own infidelity to your true integrity and self-worth!

What you are doing is negatively reinforcing your depression and doubts about your own potential to be successful! And, you are experiencing a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Get some PROFESSIONAL HELP, before you really get crazy, stupid, or both!

Most humans of either gender are 98% the same, so stop fantasing that there is something out there that is great for you! Whatever one-nighter you DO get, will sour and turn ugly the next morning, at breakfast! The PROBLEM is that you are UNSATISFIED no matter what great fortune is given to you!

You are acting like a two year old in a tantrum, and will REFUSE to accept SUCCE$$!!! You CHOOSE FAILURE!

So, PULEEZE stop whining and actually DO something, like ask a professional to help you sort it out! Staying miserable, "for the children" is a transparent ruse, and will RUIN their lives, ALSO!!! Your wife already knows how much you insult your own virtue!

You might, after 6 or 8 sessions with a genuine professional counselor, encourage your wife to attend a joint counseling session, but, the one question really is whether YOU are a MAN, or a two year old child!

Answer 5

I once felt very similar to how you're feeling, except that I only have one child. It's not them that you're not doing right by. It's you. If you can afford couple's counceling, try it. It can't hurt and can only help. If you can't afford counceling, pray. I could not afford counceling and I prayed. I asked God to "make happen what needed to happen" because I was so torn in two and unsure of what to do about it all. The very next day my husband left me. Whether that was my prayer being answered or not, I will never know. I only choose to believe it was. A way to help yourself is to play out your future in your mind. Where do you see yourself in a year, or two, or three? First, find the source of your unhappiness. Then address it. It can only get better if you allow it to. And leaving a marriage is never an easy thing, but if it turns out that is what you must do to bring yourself opportunities for happiness, then do what you feel you must do. Either way, it won't be easy. Both routes require a little pain and effort before you find comfort and happiness.

Answer 6

There are lots of people in this situation, and still are then there are some who have gotten out. Everyone has to make a decision of this stature on their own in the long run, because you will have to live with the consequences. There is no easy way to solve this situation, just do what will work out for the better on your behalf. We only live once, and the only reason in the Bible to get out of a marriage by divorce is if fornication was involved by either party.

Answer 7

The thing that you have to ask yourself is Is it healthy for your kids to see you unhappy because kids are very smart. They can sense when your not happy. Another thing is are they happy with their other parent? If the other parent is always yelling at them or never spends time with them than they'll probably be happy if you leave too. Other than that this is a situation that no one should tell you what to do cause you have to live with your answer not them. Just talk to your kids, your partner, maybe even counseling.

Answer 8

Don't go down the road I have gone. I have been where you are. The grass isn't greener on the other side, trust me. Stay in your marriage, focus on your babies, they are only little once. It'll get easier as the kids get older. You are depressed right now probably cause you just feel so tied down and bored. It's hard being with the kids day in and day out without much help. Work on your marriage, read books about saving your marriage. I got divorced, now I got to deal with the kid's stepmom, the ex, and my kids being away from me about 30% of the time. So, without a doubt, stay in your marriage and don't stray! It's not worth it.

Answer 9

you only got to think of your kids- you either stay and work things out with your husband or you take a divorce if you think that would make you happy....but the truth is that if you are not happy and the siuation in the house is no good then the kids would not be happy too. Either way thinking about the kids is the right way to go

Answer 10

Is counciling totaly out of the question? listen if it's an abusive marriage run don't walk to the nearest shelter, if you married cause you got pregnant then you not doing yourself or your kids any favours by staying, but if there is a spark of this marriage surviving try and get help, kids need there Daddies too.