i am meeting my 15 year old daughter for the first time in 13 years, what are some good topics? what should i?

Question

this is not my child it is really my brothers child and i want to know what he should do when he meets her for the first time. her mother took her in an ugly divorce and the child found him. if you have ever been in this situation please help us. how did you handle it.

Answer 1

Talk about you, talk about her. Nothing else, don't get into why you did this or why you did that, try to be open to answers, but..don't get into answering personal questions that she may have preconceived answers to, i.e. " why did you cheat on my ( other parent )"." Why didn't you try to contact me"..etc. She has probably already been told things that are false, not to hurt her idea of you, but maybe just to make her feel better about who she's been raised by or ease the pain of not knowing you. The only way she can really get to know you is to interact in a one on one ..positive verbal Q&A. Kids can be cruel and probing when it comes to trying to sort out what went wrong with mom and dads relationship. That really has nothing to do with them, the fact is ...you were separated and now you want to get to know each other again. You may find that your daughter needs 15 more years to mature before she's ready to really talk about you two and nobody else. So... if you can, talk about her talents, accomplishments, friends, etc. and verbalize how you truely missed not being able to share those times with her. Don't get hurt and lose sight of your goal and get caught up in why, why, why. (just get to know her) P.S. read *sunshine*s answer and think about what we both said.

Answer 2

This is so great to have a child meeting their parent. Ok ask the child what they have been doing. Find out their interests. Relate to the child with your own life at that age. Try to be a friend. Ask them what they like first. Then, acting nonchelant agree that it's cool, after you hang up the phone buy whatever it is that they want. These things should create a great first impression.

Answer 3

Don't think just react.... if you think it will prevent you from doing what you really truelly want to do, and then you won't be your true self ether.,.... when you meet her go with your heart go with yourself.....being.... open yourself up to her. This is one thing some people do ...... it in the long wrong many said has really proven to be the best thing to do.. Has I said if you think it will drive you crazy, If you think it will hold you back, just say and do... I f you see her an the first thing you want to do is hug her then just do it,,,,, if first thing you want to say is I am sorry then do it, don't hold back as this will only prevent you from doing it in the first place, people think to much and it ruins situtions,. Your daughter wants to know why and what happen, she wants to know if you love her, or if you don't and if you do love her why ..... above all...... she is 15 there is a lot of years you have to make up for in just a little while as you do not know what will happen there after make the best of it. Use your heart not your mind as your mind will prevent you from doing what you want...as doughts and what ifs only go there..... don't allow it in..
when you see her, let it flow.. the way it goes.... don't listen to if I run over there and hug her what if she doesn't... no no no just do it.. most likely she wants to ... but she will be listening with her mind not her heart.. because shes been hurt... or what ever she will be feeling as I do not know why this will be the first time in 13 years you have seen her...... however..... give her a great memorie of you either way.... don't act like someone your not... don't come off trying to impress her, don't come off trying to be to good, just be there love her, explain what she wants to hear form you and use your heart... don't let your mind interferr with that at all.... this will in the long wrong make it what you want it to be, the many thoughts and visual planning you had of seeing her and being with her.. will come back.... and flow through.... most of all, be there for her not yourself... as this isn't about just you .. its mostly about her.

Answer 4

From my experience of meeting my dad after twelve years of estrangement (I was 16 then):
Depends on what kind of girl she is - shy or communicative. And how traumatic for her was your parting.

If she is medium-to-high communicative, get her to talk about her life. And don't get angry / jealous / whatever of her talking about people who have raized her, unless you see she says things to spite you.

If she is shy, take it slowly. Tell her about your life, but watch carefully about her reactions.

And, if you can afford it, take her out - shopping, eating, something like that, so she doesn't feel awkward by being all alone with you for a long time right at first. But - ask her if she wants to, before. My stepbrother was a good reason for my father to take us all to the Navy Pier - I am still not grown up enough to dislike the experience, and that was 10 years ago, but it might have been awkward if he would suggest it to me alone. I think.

Answer 5

I met my dad for the first time when I was 15. Just be yourself, and don't try to get to much into what happened all these years, unless she asked. It may make her uncomfortable. Just try to take the time to find out about her and what she likes. Talk about school, and life, and her hobbies, and your hobbies. Just be yourself. I have a wonderful relationship with my father now, and can't imagine my life without him, I think time and love can heal all wounds, so Good Luck to you and her.

Answer 6

You just talk about school, what she's been doing, and how her life has been. The conversation will come, don't worry so much about it. I know because I met my son that I hadn't see for 17 years. It was really good. We have a great relationship. Good luck.

Answer 7

Be ready for a cold shoulder maybe???Dont know the circumstance around why you havent seen her for this long but i am sure she is going to want to know why and maybe be a little hurt,best thing you can do is not give up continue to let her know you are there now and love her very much,be very reassuring in all you do.Am happy for you.Good luck God bless;O)

Answer 8

It is a difficult situation, it depends on how she reacts.You can try to talk with her mother to find out her favourite place to go out and invite her there, you can also ask her mother her favourite juice, her favourite ice-cream, her favourite color (buy something with that color). Try to know her with the help of her mother.That will be a start and she will find out that you care a little bit for her. Good luck!

Answer 9

Like friends kind of music she likes if she has a boyfriend tell her how much you have missed her over the years tell her about yourself ask her if she has a job if she likes her school what subjects she likes. What subjects she dislikes. What type of clothes she likes. What kind of movies, stores cd's. Another topic should be umm... what you like about your life. Then hopefully she and you will be ok.

Answer 10

What has been happening in her life would be a good topic. I am sure it will all come to you once you see her.I wish you both the best. I will be thinking about you so let us know how it went.