What's Ur idea about this poetry? please click and read.?

Question

i am a guy / don't ask me why
i am lover / i am in love with her
i keep walking / with u talking
i love sky / if can fly
look at sunshine / i feel so fine
take me higher / run of fire
keep into touch / i love u much
don't break up / i won't give up
just tell me why / do u cry?
i am a guy / don't ask me why.

Be Honest plz to get 10 free points.

Answer 1

very nice. now tell me this, where did u get, or from u, cause its good, like a true poet
Dnt 4get something

Answer 2

It's not that bad. From reading the poem I can assume that you wrote it for a girl, so it does have a subject. However, it strikes me that you focus more on rhyming than what you want to write about. Remember poetry is about expressing your feelings and emotions, not only rhythm. This is to say that a poem can be great without rhymes.
" I love sky/ If can fly
Look at sunshine/ I feel so fine"
Those lines I feel you can delete, they don't have a deep meaning, and don't flow with the rest of the poem. You should put more sensory details in you poem. I mean use your senses, and other figures of speech such as metaphors, similes, etc. to make the reader feel, and see through your poetry. And it can still rhyme if you're good at rhyming. I liked the repetition at the beginning, and end though. I usually like to do that in my writing, it does bring more emphasis.

Answer 3

Rather than focusing, this poem seems to jump around from feelings about a relationship to just feeling good, having nothing to do with the relationship. Also, I find the rhythm inconsistant. If you focus on either the relationship or your emotions in general, I think it will work.

Then again, when I write, I don't care as much about those things. I care more about expressing myself, capturing what's happening in my life, at them moment.

That's just me and my opinion.

Answer 4

Well, the beginning and the end have some cohesion.. the middle just sounds like you took words that presented attractive images to you and you tossed them in rather randomly, maybe pointlessly as well.. and the rhymes are kind of weak and predictable in the center.. but as I said, the front and back ends catch some interest..

keep on..

Answer 5

I think your poetry makes little sense.
You are trying to make each verse rime but there is very little substance to it. You need to add more to it.
It does not sound romantic at all.
It seams like you are exercising your english skills.
Forse se la traduci in italiano avra` piu` senso. Il tuo inglese non e`forte abbastanza per dare sostegno al significato di quello che vuoi esprimere.

Answer 6

This is not meant to be mean-spirited, but as a poem, this is terrible. It might work as lyrics to a pop song. As a poem, this is overly sentimental and un-original. Sorry.

Answer 7

Seems like you're in love. apparently, a confused lover AND looks like this your first attempt. Keep trying.

Answer 8

a poem shud make sense...not just few lines of the poem and also there shud be connection in all the lines ...
i like few of the lines of the poem...dont break up i wont give up ..just tell me why do u cry...

Answer 9

ya must be a real sweet guy to be writing something like that... so what is your number?

begginning : great. middle part and ending you sort of lost me
the abrupt end felt mildly shocking for my sensitive artistic soul. eehhmm.... so what is your number again ?
;-)

lola from lolaland

Answer 10

1 out of 10...for now.

Answer 11

I cant seem to get the point of your poem, but nice trying...keep it up.