Help needed?

Question

Am middle age man, all kids are grown and am in middle of divorce with 2nd wife. For those of you who have seen the movie Bad Santa, that is how I am living my life. I drink and smoke to the point I am killing myself, I can feel it. I don't care about anything anymore. I am funny, very smart and was blessed with lots of good looks. I meet lots of gals, some that are almost perfect, kind, intelligent, good jobs and good looks. But I just can't seem to care about them or anything else in life. Only thing I really live for is my little faithful dog. Does anyboody have any ideas on how to get out of this rut

Answer 1

I think your going through a mid life crisis. See a therapist.

Answer 2

A Gypsy Curse:
May you get everything you want and want everything you get.

And that's your very problem...you do, and you don't.

Everything comes so easy for you it's safe to say that appreciating it will be no more than the textbook definition of impossible.
Wanting something has never been a good enough excuse to have it. You have to want it, earn it, and want to earn it. But then should you be lucky enough to get it you still gotta know what to do with it. Whatever "it" is. I use the word "it" because this is the culprit. You have been objectified. 'Funny, very smart and was blessed with lots of good looks. You meet lots of perfect gals', is the way you described yourself. You've been objectified: treated like an object. Being objective is wonderful in decision making, conversations of opinions, or what have you, but it has no place in the arena of romance, or self-esteem. If you are then the problem is eventually you don't want that object anymore. It's just human nature. Actually it's probably in many species nature. I mean, a cat clearly knows the ball of yarn is not the same as a human or a mother, no?

The people that will love you the most are the ones that love the one thing you can't find in a ball of yarn, nor any other object for that matter. It is your essence. It's the part of your genetic blue print you cannot change. It's not a habit. It's not learned, and it's not a matter of conditioning. It comes out when it's ready and and everyone will notice it before you do. You will only know because you'll be depressed. You have been fighting your essence, your root, for a long time. But now it wants to come out and it will. It will and it will change your world. This change is overwhelming. It is your "rut".

Now......
Pain, truely is a matter of opinion.
So is Angst,
Confusion,
Dispair,
and success.
I would bet so is "rut".

Solution, Uncle Groovy, solution

Change arenas. Set some higher goals for yourself. Make them achievable but make them achievable journeys. Put some proof on the table that you want what's on it not because it's their, but because you wanted it, you wanted to earn it, and you did. Whatever "it" is.

It may be a chance for you to show everyone that you see yourself every bit the type of wonderful person they see you as. And mature too.

I hope this answer just changed a life. Peace.

Answer 3

First you must find the root of your depression. I'm not thinking it's divorcing your wife as you've gone thru divorce before. Perhaps it's starting over at middle age? Empty nest syndrome? Instead of wallowing in this self destructive behavior, look around and not only see but appreciate the beauty of your surroundings (and that includes the beauties that you are attracting!). It sounds as if you are disappointed in the love department and probably feel that you would appreciate someone who will love you no matter what...just like your little dog (they're great at dispensing unconditional love!). There are women out there who are just as sweet and loyal as your faithful companion. If you have a goal, then you know what to aim for. If you have no goal, you will remain lost and drifting. You have been given a fresh clean start...what do you want from life? What would make you happy? How can you go about attaining this? Life is just a series of choices we make...good or bad...and if you can change your mind then you can change your life. We make life much more difficult than we need to. It all starts in caring about yourself. Try to drink in the sweet nectar of life instead of the bitterness and heartache of alcohol...it's much better on the body as well as mind & spirit. You have been given a "do over" in life...embrace it, my friend. This is just the beginning of this new life...and it can be anything you want it to be!!

Answer 4

see your doctor about depression and get out and about often
get in a singles group just to get out and try to enjoy. Pick things you like to do.

I was there after the loss of my wife

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 5

See a shrink.

Answer 6

seek counseling

Answer 7

yoga & meditation to revitalize you, man.