i'm so confused about my love-life?

Question

in short words... i have a boyfriend of 4 years who i love dearly (sometimes like a brother and best best friend plus lover) and i don't ever want to hurt him. i love him and want the best for us.

i'm a very sincere and no-flirty person, but there's one guy i met 6 month ago. and there is much attraction between the two of us. but considered seriously, we would never have a future. but there are "sparks"...

then, to make confusion much greater, i am going to meet an old love of mine again after 3 years. it's my fault. i tried to never force a meeting again as long as i have a boyfriend. we stayed apart without news for so long. which was good. but it happened that last Xmas he sent me "hi" by mobile phone and now (in june) i said "happy birthday" by a nice text message. It is obvious, both of us don't want to rush contact. But now - after a break - we both agreed on meeting up and talking.

I am afraid :-( since i know, my heart is pounding. Just because i did love this man and

we haven't seen each other for soo long :-( i am so happy to see his face again. But so unsecure about my feelings. Maybe he does have a gf. And this would be great and i would be reliefed. But i'm afraid of what happens and i'm so stupid to initiate such a meeting! But then again, we could be just friends and try and stay this way and just see us once (?)
I don't know if i'm stupid. Should i see him? AND MOST IMPORTANT - HOW SHOULD I ACT AND TALK TO HIM? we were never good in talking to each other. it went without words that i liked him... :-/

Answer 1

There is something lacking in your 4 yr relationship for you to feel attracted to another man. As for your old love, sometimes we just never completly get over someone. Just search your heart and try to find what is missing in your current relationship. Do you feel neglected? Do you feel like you're not appreciated? Has your love making become boring and routine? Just make sure you're ready to take a chance on losing someone you've been with for 4 yrs for a fling with someone you feel "sparks" for. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

Life will always throw people in our path who we are attracted to, even if we already are in a relationship with someone we really care for (sometimes it feels like this happens ESPECIALLY when we are in a relationship with someone we care for!).

If you take the risk and cheat on your boyfriend with either of the other two guys in your life, be warned, even if you aren't caught, things will never be the same again. There will always be some feeling of guilt on your part, and that could end up souring the good relationship you have had for 4 years.

Do you see yourself marrying your guy you have been with for 4 years? Having kids with him? If you do, don't cheat, try not to even think about it. If you don't see yourself marrying him or having kids with him, well then it seems that at some point your relationship will end anyway, and that you don't have a long term future. In THAT case, do whatever you feel, shag whoever you want, have a good time and be prepared for the guilt that will come along with the good, dirty, fun cheating sex you'll be having!

Life is short! Get your priorities straight, and then go for what you want 110%!

Good luck!

Answer 3

If you do meet or choose not to meet your ex the best thing to do is cool the relationship with your present boyfriend. It seems you might be leading him on without meaning to cause you are not ready yourself to settle down. During life you will always meet others that you seem to have a spark with but as humans we know the difference between love and lust and we make decision to either go with love or lust. If we give into lust then we dont need to be in a relationship that would hurt the other.

Answer 4

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had left my husband for other reasons and I guy that I dated on and off for 3 years came back into my life.

It didn't last more than 2 months. I had the whole heart pounding, thought it was going to be great and it wasn't. I had loved this guy with all my being when we had been together.

After we broke it off, I found someone who knows what love is and we've been together 8 years.

Answer 5

first of all, you say you LOVE the person of 4yrs.? then why meet anyone else if he is enough for you?
then you say you have feelings for an old love, why not even talk to the old love, this is wrong. leave the past in the past(including the people in your past)
sounds like you want to see other people that this person of 4yr there is no spark there. so time to end that relationship first. it will hurt at first but you know already it will be the right thing to do.
then after you break off this relationship you can talk to other people.

when in a relationship to one person it is only curtious to stay committed to that relationship first and then if not working for you then break it off and then you can move forward to other people.
if you dont break off the first relationship and start seeing other people behind that person's back, this hurts more than a break up.
so break off first relationship to the person of 4yr.

Answer 6

I'm sure it's hard, but you have to make sure you keep your head up and your heart in control around men who are not your boyfriend. This is a problem especially for women who tend to flirt more, but it happens even to girls like you, who aren't flirty, but do feel those things without expressing them. When you meet up with the guy you used to love, just keep your heart straight and focused on the fact that you have a boyfriend who you love to death and I'm sure he feels the same about you. The guy you met 6 months ago, same thing applies. Keep your heart focused around other men. Good luck!

Answer 7

Love is about friendship and not the other way round. You have to be emphatic and decisive bout your love life. Up till now you are not sure of anything concrete. The only advice I can give is that you sit down to figure out what you really want. After you have been frank with yourself. The next step is always the easiest.
Good luck.

Answer 8

You are not really so confused about your lovelife, but you sure as hell are a slave to your emotions about it. Best thing I can suggest for you to do is to put everything in a linear perspective.

First, you have a boyfriend of 4 years whom you claim you "don't ever want to hurt". and yet.....and yet....And yet you are setting out to do so. What does that tell you ? Either you don't love him so much or it really doesn't matter that you are going to hurt him. Because hurt him you will if you continue down these paths you have chosen.

Second, you met some guy 6 months ago and - although you claim not to be a "flirty" person, here you are (6 months later) and you are still in touch with someone with whom you admit there would be "no future" and yet you can still feel the sparks. That tells me that you are enjoying the sparks and you keep in contact with him to get them. And again, it clearly does not matter that your boyfriend of 4 years would be hurt by this activity of yours.

Third, you have decided to actually go meet an old lover - absent from your life for three years. (Of course, I am having trouble with the arithmetic here - supposedly you have a boyfriend whom you "dearly love" and have had this boyfriend for FOUR years and yet this "old love" has only been out of your life for THREE years. Hmmmmmm, so you had broken up with the old love for at least a year before he dropped out of your life ? Something here does not add up.)

Nontheless, the old love sent you a message.....what ?.....six months ago at Christmas and followed it up with a mobile phone message and now you are going to run off and meet him to "talk." Correct me if I am wrong, but I am assuming you two "talked" when you broke up 3-4 years ago. What's to talk about now ? How you have had a "dearly loved" boyfriend for four years but you are willing to throw him over for something out of your past that didn't work ? How you have a "dearly loved" boyfriend and are meeting an old love on the side and yet are still flirting with some guy you met 6 months ago ? What ?

I assume there will be more to your post as it cuts off in the middle, but honestly, I don't think I need to know more. You are not having a lot of integrity about all this. I bet, as an example, that the boyfriend of four years - the one you dearly love and would never want to hurt - doesn't know about the flirtatious behavior with the 6 month guy and I bet he sure as hell doesn't know about the old love. The mere fact that you are hiding these things means you are ashamed of them and you KNOW that they are wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

This is not how you treat people. Would YOU like to be treated this way ? How would YOU feel if your boyfriend was flirting around with some chippie who he met 6 months ago and feels sparks ? And he tells you, "Oh, honey - I know there is no real future for she and I, but there are these sparks...." How would YOU feel if your boyfriend of 4 years was secretly meeting his old love of 3-4 years ago ? A little threatened ? A little betrayed ? I bet.

If you want out of your relationship with boyfriend of 4 years, then get out of it - BEFORE you meet with old love. If you want to keep boyfriend of 4 years, then cease flirting with "Sparky" and tell old love that you are not going to meet with him. But whatever you do, do it in a linear and open fashion - do it with integrity and in a way you can be proud of; not in a way you have to hide.

Answer 9

Love exists in relatonship, its normallly an exclusive relationship of two people.

You are not sure what you want or need and that will affect your current boyfriend of long standing.

Please stop and think. Accept the responsibility of being in relationship and give a clear commitment to one person,

Answer 10

stay with what ya got...Evidently he's not too bad, eh?
Just because you meet someone who gives you "sparks" doesn't mean that you need to jump over to him...just remember that feeling and direct it towards your BF....
Now about the old lover, you have moved on, right? Treat him as you would any old friend...tell him about your new BF and how happy ya are, etc...If he's real, he'll be happy for you, if he's not, then...forget him...he's searching for someone and you ain't it!