My Husband...?

Question

sleeps all the time.I know it sounds petty, but it is to the point of being strange. I know he is not ill and I'd like to think I'm not that boring, but he sleeps for awhile when he gets home from work, then after dinner he falls asleep around nine,and just sleeps on the sofa till I wake him to go to bed. His job is just office work, so he is not physically worn out. I don't know what to think. It hurts my feelings, and makes me feel lonely and boring. Any suggestions of what to do? Any ideas of why he is so tired? How can I communicate to him that this isn't aboutme controling him, but me wanting time with my husband? If I ask why he sleeps so much he just gets angry and says that I'm controlling and I'm wanting to controll when he sleeps. It isn't that, really,I just want to be with him. And before you say it, I know he isn't having an affair.

I work part time and go to college, so yes, I work and yes, I can carry on an intelligent conversation.

This sounds bad, but he drinks alot too.....any connection?

just one more thing....we are both 23 and have only been marrid since last September.

Answer 1

First let me start by saying I've been with my husband 11 years!!! I know, I know, I can hardly believe myself. I think it depends on the man's age. My husband is going to hit 40 this year and he too sleeps a lot. However, he commutes to work 38 miles in LA traffic and is a Union Plumber, so he does work his tail of daily.

Also depending on his office job that you speak of, mental work can be just as hard as physical work. Have some coffee ready when he gets home or bring a cup home from the famous Starbucks. If he's into sports, have a game on and try to enjoy it with him. Invite friends over for a BBQ and throw an intimate party (not a huge basher, just a friends over night). Take a shower at night and get clean for some horizontal tango. Or, ask for some assistance in the shower if you catch my drift.

Stop waking him up from the couch. Leave him there and let him move himself. I actually stopped doing that because I was sick and tired of telling my husband it's time to go to bed. Just leave him there and after a while he'll move himself or sleep on the couch all night. So what. You'll like having the bed to yourself once and while. I did.

If he's got this "your controlling me" attitude. Tell him he needs to be controlled because he's on auto pilot right now!

However, men get depressed to and sometimes sleeping their life away is the only way they know how to cope. You could ask to talk and be honest with him and ask if he's happy in his marriage or is he sleeping to cope with depression. Marriage is not easy, it's work and I strongly believe that you're not always IN LOVE with the person. It's only after some hard times and trials that the marriage grows and evolves into something more and it gets better. It has for me these past 11 years and, actually, right now we're just coming out of a rut we've been in for about two years. We have two kids 7 and 1 1/2. It's tough but worth it in the end. Good luck!

Answer 2

Working in an office environment can be very unhealthy. Think about it, you sit at a desk most of the day and then what do you when you get home to relax, well, the only thing more "relaxing" than sitting at a desk is sleeping. He probably is in bad shape physically and to top it off, drinking, that's why he's having a problem.
There's not a whole lot you can do if he doesn't want to change. Have you tried planning activities that you know he enjoys? Maybe you could find a club you know he'd enjoy and go with him? If you go out and have fun and come home and are cheerful and excited when you talk to him about it, maybe he will see what he's missing, sleeping his wife away, and decide to do something.
A work-out program would be ideal. Maybe instead of his nap right after work, you could encourage him to take a walk with you, play tennis, ride bikes, ANYTHING, even sex, to get his heart rate going. Exercise is actually energizing, as long as you don't overdue it.
I'm so sorry you're having this problem. I know how depressing it can be. Hang in there and be creative and if he's worth anything, he'll begin to see that he's wrong and make some chages. If he has an alcohol problem, maybe you should check out Al-Anon.
Good luck to you.
P.s. Pray, pray, pray. It really works.

Answer 3

When you say drinks alot.....right after work and ALOT!! That would explain the sleeping. I feel people drink alot due to stress or they are an alcoholic, which I really feel bad for you. If he is drinking every night, then you have a big problem.....has he always been a drinker or is this just something lately? If always a drinker then this is not going to go away over night, or possibly ever! You are going to have to ask yourself if you can live like this...hopefully you do not have children, so this decision will only involve you and your husband. If you hadn't mentioned the drinking then I would have had him checked out medically, as this is not normal behavior. My father did this......we all lost......no time, no conversation, no vacations. All I can remember is him working and sleeping in his chair......not good father material, let alone husband. Good Luck & maybe he will agree to go to counseling with you if your marriage really matters to him. If not, you pretty much have your answer to whether he wants to change. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

Though his work isn't physically demanding, office work has a very debilitating mental stress that makes you feel physically feel as though you ran a marathon.
I think Free_Angel brought up an excellent point about health conditions. Even though your husband may not seem like it, he could be suffering from depression. Or he could have another health problem that he is unaware of.
Instead of asking your husband about why he sleeps so much, explain that you are concerned, that you aren't trying to control him in any way but you are concerned for his health. See if he'll go to the doctor's. Explain to him, too, that you look forward to spending quality time with him when he gets home from work and see how he responds to that. Maybe if he came home and found you in a sexy nightie he wouldn't be so tired anymore!!!

Answer 5

Maybe he is sick, maybe he is depressed. Maybe he feels stress. Oh, and just office work is not tiring. Give me a break, his brain is going 200 miles an hour.

It hurts your feelings, you are lonely and bored? Do you work outside the home? Can you carry on an intelligent conversation that he may want to engage in?

Your previous questions include questions about mental abuse by a spouse and your spouse not wanting to have kids.

Overall, this does not sound good. You should not be on here asking us questions about your marriage, you should be talking with your hubby to a marriage counselor.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I think the mention of depression was very possibly a right on target answer. One of the overt signs of depression is people just wanting to sleep their lives away - it's a way of hiding, not having to think about things or deal with them. Do you know anyone at his job that you can talk to discreetly about things? There may be problems there that he doesn't want to face. But look around, or buy a book, or talk to someone - that may just be the road you're heading down. Good luck, and don't give up on him, he'll get through this. Just keep loving him.

Answer 7

Maybe he needs to see a doctor. People with certain health issues can sleep alot. Like with a thyroid problem. Those that have one sleep around the clock. He could have low iron or something simple. Ask him if he has notice how much sleep he is really getting and that your concern that something could be going on with him he doesn't know about. And ask him would he be willing to let you make him a doctor appt. to have some blood test done just for his safety.

Answer 8

"Just office work?!" Please, just because there is no physical labour does not mean the job is not tiring. Stress wears you out on a mental and emotional level which can leave you feeling very tired. Is he more irritable than usual? Then perhaps it is on-the-job stress. A hostile work environment leaves you feeling drained at the end of the day. It can lead to depression. One sign of depression is excessive sleeping.

Also, some people just sleep more than others.

Answer 9

My boyfriend sleeps a lot too!!!! And I feel excatly the same as you do!!!! But I just do whatever.. I just get used to it... I have told him before "I need a little bit more attention from you..." but he still sleeps alot... oh well... so i don't think it is because you are a boring person or anything..I think he just loves to sleep.

Answer 10

Have him complete a sleep study. Some people suffer from sleep apnia. this means the sleep but never get the full REM sleep that give you energy. Where something sexy or try answering the door naked!!! If he sleeps then he has real problems!!!