okay..my best friend's brother died in iraq and today he found out. when he called me i was out of town but i talked to him on my cell. so i left the mall and went over to his house. when i got there he was alone in the house and completely drunk. the only thing he said to me was "i'm going to drink until i can't feel anymore pain". he won't talk to me. he just sits there i tried to take his drink but he yelled at me and went up to his room. then he wouldn't come out or say anything. i went home real quick and came back with new clothes because i wasn't planning on leaving him if his parents were going to be gone all night. when i got back he was on the couch again, but he ignored i was there. how do i stop him from drinking away his pain, and how can i let him know that he can open up to me about this... seeing him like this is breaking my heart and i know everything about him why won't he talk to me?
2006-07-02 17:20:34 · 21 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
just letting you know i'm still at his house just on his computer so i haven't left yet
2006-07-02 17:27:11 · update #1
OK I see. There are Five stages of Grief. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5.Acceptance Thee don't usually happen in order. It is healthy though that he's is expressing these feelings. I knew a man who's mother died and he didn't actually feel the pain until a few years later when his first son was born. It's goo that you are there with him. I'm sure that he's in shock and pain but somewhhere in his subconscious he is glad that you are there. Don't attempt to pry anyhting from him though when he's ready he'll open up. But if you really think that he's going to do something dangerous like or example suicide interfere and let him know that yoou are there and that you CARE. Don't feel like it's your fault though obviously you are going to be in pain because your best friend is going through this absolutely traumatic and horrible experience in his life. He will eventually recover but he will never stop hurting. (In hs head he's probably replaying his memories with his brother and what he could have done to stop him form dying. If he does start opening up to you baout how it is his fault you just need to support him and let him know that is not his fault and that is his brother loves him and would want him to be happy. You being there is helping him deal with this tragedy even if it doesn't seem like it right now. If you need anymore advice or help email me slimeywinterbean@yahoo.com or aim Alister2012.
I hope that I've helped you though, and if you're feeling down smile it releases the happy hormones and makes you feel better. My best friend told me that after my auntie died.
2006-07-02 17:39:06 · answer #1 · answered by Alexis 2 · 25⤊ 3⤋
This is a shock to him , allow him to morn the way he wants .Stay close but not too close .Just so he doesn't over drink and hurt himself .But not to hug and kiss .He will hug you if he wants .He'll talk about it if he wants , or when he is ready .Let him just cry , not talk , or talk , but don't say you understand ! Even if you had a love one pass away , no one but the one in pain understands ( right now ) .I couldn't comfort my son when his bother died , and 2 years later , when I talk about my son ,he may get upset ,but one day I screamed , he was my son for 29 years and I have a lot of good memories , so if it bothers you GO ! Now we can sit and laugh about some of the good times but it's short and sweet . I waited for a long while and then explained I will never stop loving him and it's okay to hurt but it's also okay to let him now how much he means to us each day .But that's down the road and it may be longer .His whole family has changed and the past seems unreal .Tomorrow will affect everyone the man knew .You can't be his brother and let him do what he can to deal with this . It's not that he doesn't need you , it's he wants someone to call back and say it wasn't his brother. Someone to give just one more day with him and his brother . Call 911 if there is danger of him being hurt or hurting anyone else , more than likely he'll sleep .
2006-07-03 00:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by Fairy Tale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for him. Don't pressure him in to talking, this will only make him feel worse than he already does. You can remove any alcohol from the house if you think that will keep him from drinking as much. In his eyes you can't truly understand how he feels because it wasn't your brother that was killed.. He may even be a little bit jealous of you if you have a brother of your own that is alive. It will take time for him and his family to heal. When he is ready to talk to you he will.
2006-07-03 00:31:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't open a locked safe without the combination or some kind of explosive. He's locked himself up and is wallowing in his misery and pain. Just be there for him even though it make take years for him to deal with the problem. Losing someone that close to you is not easy to take. I mourned the loss of my mother for more than twenty years. Just be his friend and be around when he needs a shoulder or someone to lean on. Don't try to ease anything for him. He has to deal with it himself. But your being there will eventually get through to him and he will never ever forget it.
Good luck.
2006-07-03 00:27:34 · answer #4 · answered by quietwalker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stay there with him trust he can only drink so much before he passes out give him time to process what has happen when he comes to in the morning he will want to talk its all to fresh right know but watch him be the friend he know he has in you
2006-07-03 00:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by toosexy4thisshit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be around and do nothing, keep him company and let him know your presence thats all. If he wants to cry and shout and scream let him do it. When he is really drunk then he will go to sleep and that will help him ease the pain of his loss temperary till his parents come back.
2006-07-03 00:38:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there. Thats all you can really do. But if he tries anythng stupid, call the cops asap. Remember theres only so much you can do. And i think right now you are being a really good friend. Everyone needs a friend like you.
2006-07-03 01:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by alyssabeth2304 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His heart has been shattered by the loss of his brother and right now he is too out of it to talk to anyone. I'm sorry for his loss and that you have to see him in such pain. All you can do for the time being, is just be there for him.
2006-07-03 00:25:02 · answer #8 · answered by toughguy2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a great friend. It sounds like to me like he just needs time to get his thoughts together. Don't leave, stick around. He will be grateful to know that you stuck by his side and will most likely open up to you when he's ready.
2006-07-03 01:04:48 · answer #9 · answered by Carm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a little time and space. He knows you tried and will eventually come around. Just let him know your there IF he needs you. Right now he doesn't.
2006-07-03 00:36:20 · answer #10 · answered by Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋