I met the woman that has been everything I have wanted since I was 13 years old (I am now 34). I married a woman when I was 19 for simply not wanting to hurt her or her family by breaking off the wedding. I met her 7 years after being married. Not until recently did we open up to each other and share our feelings for one another. Over the last 4 years, we have communicated only a few times per year, until this Feb.
She and I share a "synergy" and unspoken communication. She is all 4 parts of being in love: Passion, Comfort, Love, & Electricity. I have been told that what I feel for her is only in "Hollywood". I disagree. She and I have not had sex, or even been physical. This is not lust or infatuation.
She will not leave her husband, or so she has told me. I make her complete and happy with whom she is. She is trusting of me, even though she claims that I throw up every "red flag" for her. She loves me, as much as I love her.
What do I do and how do I handle this?
2006-07-02 16:57:37 · 17 answers · asked by Steven Mark 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me also add this, I have now been married for 14 years, and have left my wife. I am filing for a divorce this week.
2006-07-02 17:05:03 · update #1
I have been honest with my soon to be ex wife AND I have been honest with my soul mate. In fact, I have also been honest with my soul mates, husband. My soon to be ex wife, blames my soul mate for the split in our marriage, and she is not accepting that I have already done and tried to make things work. At least, until tonight, when she saud that she needed to be happy with herself. I am sorry for hurting my ex-wife, but I can't continue living a lie with her. It si not fair to her, or to me. This is also not really fair to my soul mate or her husband.
2006-07-02 17:30:51 · update #2
The first thing I would do is give your "soul mate" sometime to think about her life with out you. Tell her that she can contact you but that you need sometime to deal with your life. If you are this unhappy with your life leave your wife. I am hoping that there is no kids involved. However you should not stay just because you may have kids. You need to become stable with your life with out the interference of this other lady. Get an apartment, figure out how you want your life to go, file for your divorce and in the mean while your soul mate will see how she feels for you because absence does make the heart grow fonder. It's just like the old saying if you love someone set them free if they come back to you then you know that they truly love you. Find yourself and then everything else will fall into place.
2006-07-03 03:54:44 · answer #1 · answered by nm 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ask yourself this, and be honest. What are all the red flags you put up in her? I think you know that answer. She is married. So are you. If she gets a divorce to be with you and you don't where is she left. Has she a reason to think you would be there for her?
You know what you must do. You are not the first that this has happened to and the stories range from happy ever after to dismal failure.
For as long as she will not leave her husband you must except it. You have to know that your feelings have already and will continue to make your marriage bad. Is that fair to your wife? Does she love you and believe you feel the same.
Hard to live with but you know the answer.
2006-07-02 17:19:13 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey you should have left your wife like 6 years and 12 months ago.If you only married her for that reason and that reason alone you are not being true to her or yourself.Dragging this marriage on will only hurt her if you don't really want to be with her.Why would you let something like this drag on?And the lady you want to be with sounds like she isn't going anywhere so it might be best if you move out and get your own place and share with your wife how you really feel,it's very easy to stay in a relationship just because your comfortable and use to that person.But don't string her along for the ride.You need to be honest with your wife.That's being a man you don't haf to tell her about the other woman or anything because that's not what's important what's important is that you tell her how you really feel about ya'll marriage.
2006-07-02 17:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by dccuttie75 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to work on your self esteem. Everything you have right now, contradicts what you say you want. Being that you have been in bad and abusive relationships before tells me that you will end up in the same position time and time again. Until you change your behavior, particularly dealing with what you tolerate from people. I'll point out what's wrong with this relationship and how you contradict yourself. 1) you want honesty. She's an admitted compulsive liar. You will NEVER get honesty. 2) you found nothing wrong with her. I suppose the fact that she's a compulsive liar is fine by you. The fact that she cheated on exes, and lied to you, is perfectly ok to you also. 3)you don't want to get cheated on again. Well, let me point out the obvious. You will be cheated on again. Simply because you allow it to happen. You allow it by setting yourself up for it. You set yourself up for it by being in relationships with compulsive liars. 4) Her tiny lies are unnecessary. You are correct about that. That is because she's a compulsive liar. When not so tiny things happen, do you honestly believe she will all of a sudden be cured of her compulsive lying? So, while you believe that she is insanely in love with you(this coming from a compulsive liar, whether she said it to you or someone else, doesn't matter), her actions don't say that. You need to realize that you are picking these women. Yes, you are. You are drawn to abusive women. You need to stop, because you will continue to fail at relationships, fail miserably. You will continue to be abused and hurt. It won't stop until you finally open your eyes, and change. To change, you need to first realize that there is a problem. Then address it, hopefully you can do that with a good therapist or support group. You will start seeing the patterns of behavior that have caused you to end up in bad relationships. From there you can start healing, and start making better decisions, and most importantly loving yourself. Good luck and I really do wish you the best:):)
2016-03-27 01:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she leaves her husband for you then how do you know she won't leave you later on for the next fling? Let your soulmate's marriage follow its own path without your influence, if not you may always wonder what would be in store for you, if the two of you do end up together later on. If she is committed to her marriage then respect that committment. If you feel your marriage is over, pay respect to your wife and end it without leading her on. Marriage is a sacred union under God and isn't meant to be taken lightly. It should be entered into with dignity and it should be ended with dignity out of respect to both God and your family.
2006-07-03 04:53:30 · answer #5 · answered by Trixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For most people when they are 19 they are not grown up yet. This was too young to get married and it is probably best to get divorced. Don't feel bad about it - it is an easy mistake to make.
The other mistake is to go in over your head for someone who does not feel the same way about you. If she isn't willing to make a commitment to you, don't make a commitment to her. Cut your losses - it may be painful but it will be even worse if you don't.
Sorry you are having a tough time but you must be strong.
2006-07-03 02:08:46 · answer #6 · answered by Markie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't love the one you want, love the one your with....If you leave your wife now to chase after another woman well, your just a very sorry person. The first and greatest institution ever created by God was and is marriage. Now, don't you mess with it or God....Can ya say Amen right there!?....
2006-07-02 17:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a choice, not a thunderstorm. You're getting rained on now, and it's exhilarating. But let the storm blow over and make a conscious choice to love your wife. You'll miss the rain for a while, but a year from now (or less) you'll be much happier.
2006-07-02 17:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by nosoccertyvm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. If you are unhappy with your current wife, you are doing the right thing. If this woman you are in love with is not willing to take the same step for you, you should live your life weather she is a part of it or not.
2006-07-02 17:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by honiebee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be faithful to your wife. It's not fair to her for you to be acting this way. If you don't love her then leave her, but you sure as hell better make sure she is taken care of. Your wife loves you and is being faithful.. What you are doing is wrong, and if this other woman is being a temptation, then stay away from it.
2006-07-02 17:04:22 · answer #10 · answered by iheartjohnprose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋