Am I wrong for wanting my husband to hang around positive influential people instead of young single people?

Question

My husband says I am trying to control him because I get mad when he goes out with young single dudes or people who I feel have no aim in life. We had marital problems because of him being young headed. I want him to hang with people on his status, which is anyone who is married like him and have a child like him. He is attracted to anyone that do not have his head in the right place. All I want him to do is hang with people that won't lure him into wrong doings. FOR EXAMPLE: He is 21 and went out with a 17 year old dude to the movies without me knowing anything. He called me last night from the movies to let me know he was there which is the right thing to do, even though I am out of town and he is by himself. I bit*hed at him and the boy he was with because it was 11pm and I had been trying to call him all night before he called me. He was even TALKING different, kinda like a lil' knucklehead ya know? I feel a little wrong but not completely. What do you think?

Answer 1

Well being 23 years old and having a wife who is 29 doing exactly what you are doing to your husband to me, my advice is leave him alone and let him enjoy whatever part of his youth he still can. If you keep harassing him about hanging out with other *guys* then you are already passed "controlling". As long as he is taking care of his responsabilities, working a job, looking after his child, he has every right to hang out with his single friends.

You should not be forcing a 21 year old to hang out with people only you believe are good to hang out with. This is one of the biggest reasons I'm on the verge of divorcing my wife for. Unless you want to see your husband fall down the same slippery slope me and my wife did, I would suggest you give him some space.

After a year of my wife acting like that, I feel so old and so confined that it makes me feel like I am in prison. I'm sure it is a little different for him because he is married with a child so he does need to be more responsible however you still should not be harassing him for going out once in awhile with a male friend just because you don't like the fact that his friend is single.

You should probably just sit down with him and compromise. Tell him he can go out as long as he gives you a call once every few hours to let you know everything is ok. The worst thing you can do is try to control who he is friends with. Every healthy relationship needs personal space and when you violate his personal space by telling him he can't have male friends because they are single, you are just creating problems where there shouldn't be any.

Answer 2

Yes, you are wrong for this. You're being what's called a "general's wife", a woman that constantly pushes her husband to go higher and higher in status.

It's important that he has friends, and he may have a positive impact on the young men he's associating with. While it's good to have professional contacts, it's also important to maintain personal relationships with people of like interests --ie real friendships--because this is just simply the emotionally healthy thing to do.

Honestly, I wouldn't put up with your bs. If his friends were dealing drugs or committing crimes, that's one thing. But just going to a movie with a friend who's only 4 years different is completely normal, and yes, he should have male friends to hang with.

Answer 3

Well, it sounds like he got a wife and a child before he wanted either. If you are now treating him like your "son" by telling him who his friends should be, where he can go, how he's supposed to talk, etc., then he's not going to grow up---he's going to move out.

If you're nagging him all the time about every little thing, he's going to find any excuse he can to keep from being at home. Did you have a problem with trusting your father, or did your mother relay to you, maybe, her feelings of distrust for your father or men in general? Have you always felt the need to control, nag, demand, yack, argue...? This may be old baggage from the way you were raised. But baggage can be unpacked and left at the door. This man is your husband and your child's father. You teach your child how to love and respect his/her father. You teach them how to treat him (or mistreat him).

Try a few of these:

If the house is a wreck, there's no food in the house, the baby is crying, there's no laundry done, and you meet him at the door with statements like, "Are you home already?," or "Why weren't you home an hour ago?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

The Bible says about a Godly and righteous wife that, "She...worketh willingly with her hands." Proverbs 31:13

"...She bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." Proverbs 31:14,15 -- which means, she attends to the members of her household and makes her home and family the priority.

"She maketh herself covering of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." Proverbs 31:22,25 --- Which means, she is dressed and ready to meet the day, her job, her home, and her tasks.

"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27 --- Which means, you're interested in what he's doing, his life, his interests, and you're not just telling him what his life SHOULD be or what his interests SHOULD be. You married him as he is. If you didn't like him the way he is, why did you marry him?

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed..." Proverbs 31:28

"And that ye study to be quiet..." I Thessalonians 4:11 ---- Stop nagging, demanding, yelling, raising your voice, and being pushy. Women sometimes call themselves "strong women" when you point out that they're really being pit bull dogs. Strong women are the ones who can keep their mouths shut when their words would be nothing but demeaning or hurtful. Requests and loving suggestions are received much more readily of they are not served from the tip of a sword.

"...Her husband also, and he praiseth her." Proverbs 31:28 ---What do you do that deserves his praise??? I'm sure he's heard that he isn't doing much that is getting any praise from you.

Do yu greet him with a problem or a demand or a complaint.
"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her..." Proverbs 31:11 --- Can he trust that he's your partner, the other half of him, and that no matter what he's had during the day---you are his refuge? Or are you just something else he must survive during the day?

"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Proverbs 31:29

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Proverbs 31:26 --- How do you open your mouth when you see him?

"Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 31:31

The goal, try to make your home a place of peace and order where you, your husband, and you child can renew yourselves in body and spirit.

"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

Answer 4

I don't think it is an issue of whether you are right to want him to hang out with people his own age and status or those of positive influence. I think the real issue is- do you trust him? If you trust him, then why worry about who he is hanging out with? If not, why not? News flash: 21 IS young so he is acting his age. He should be responsible for his family certainly. But he also should be given some space. Talk to him like an adult, and he will respond like an adult.

Answer 5

Girl I hate to say it but your man might be on the down low.. Because why r two grown man going to the movies at 11 @ night sh it sounds real stupid to me or they where on a double date or maybe iam wrong but in short 17 and 21 is not that far apart so in short save your self alot of stress don't try to control who he hangs around it takes men alot longer to mature then women just give him some time. And if you see somebody trying to bring him down then pull his coat tails other then that let him do what he do

Answer 6

You're completely wrong. He can be friends with whoever he wants, and you have no right to dictate his life to him. He doesn't have to call you and let you know he's going to the movies when you're out of town, you don't own him. And by the way, NEWSFLASH, he IS STILL YOUNG. He's 21. You need to wake up to yourself or he'll end up leaving you because you're a selfish judgemental control freak.

Answer 7

Honey, you are well on your way to losing your man.
If not totally, then mentally and emotionally.

Let him be who he is, hang out with who he wants to. He will anyway, with or without you knowing it.

If everytime (or even a lot of the time, or part of the time) that you are with him, or talk with him on the phone, you are complaining and bitching, he will find ways to spend more time away from you and call you less. But if you make it a fun and pleasant thing to be with you, most all the time, then he will want to spend more time with you!

It's your choice .. better attend to things now before it's too late.

Answer 8

Talk to him. Tell him you want to continue to be married to an adult, not a child. Tell him he is much more attractive as an adult.Then seduce him and remind him he isn't going to get the safe stuff just anyplace so he better shape up. Plan a movie for the two of you.

Answer 9

You are in the right for not wanting him around these little punks. I wouldn't want my husband to be out with a 17 year old. He could be influenced in the wrong way.

Answer 10

I always felt it is important to have stable people in your life when your married. They where not all married but coupled and we always had many things in common. Hanging out with the single guys only leads to trouble.