but no one really lights my fire. I've been feeling rather disconnected and unfeeling at times. It really bothers me and makes me feel guilty becuz I truly am a very caring person. I feel really selfish and self serving.
I often wonder after a divorce if I will ever find love in my heart again, can anyone speak on this subject after they've divorced? Did they experience the same feeling?
2006-07-02 15:53:53 · 18 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just gotta keep going. It may take a year. It may take 10. You'll eventually find that you CAN love someone. Just be honest with everyone you date. My husband did that for me. When I first went out with him, one of the first things out of his mouth was "i'm going through a divorce and if it bothers you to be out with someone thats going through a divorce, then I understand." I didn't care about the divorce and that's one of the things that brought us together. Just give it time. It'll happen for you.
2006-07-02 16:00:38 · answer #1 · answered by bakerbride2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you had to go through a divorce too. You described it perfectly. The reason no one"lights your fire" is because you're not ready yet. Your heart is still healing. It may take months or even years before you are ready. And that's OK. Don't pressure yourself with a time limit. You may want to stop dating and focus on yourself and friends for now. Do something new, just for you. Take a class. Travel. Redo the home decor. Surround yourself with supportive friends and be good to yourself. After being in a marriage for 15 yrs to a lying, cheating, abusive man, I can now say after 3.5yrs that I am happily divorced and so glad to be single. Between my full time job, friends and focusing on my creative soul, I am never lonely or bored. I dated soon after the divorce for about a year and had the same feelings you do. Then decided to focus on being a better more full-filled "me" and when love comes again(and it will) I'll be a whole person and ready. I wish you all the best on this journey of yours.
2006-07-02 23:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by ShellRe' 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only tell you from my friend's experience and through an onlooker. She felt the same way and tried anything that walked after her divorce. I met her when she was married and we were best friends but not anymore due to this situation. She lowered herself and her esteem/confidence by selling herself short. Call me unrealistic but after a relationship, I am drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually, so I cannot say that I have ever been in your shoes. Bless your heart. But I do know this, take some time. Get to know yourself again. Allow yourself to feel alone and make choices for yourself and family that are responsible and right now you might be missing the close companionship of someone. And that's okay but don't lower your standards. Don't sell yourself out to someone at a cheap price. You, I am sure want a quality guy...so don't rush into anything. And no because you aren't dating, it doesn't mean you are self-serving or weird. The right one will come. Develop your strengths and weaknesses and give yourself time! No one says you have to be remarried in any time table but your own. I am 29 never married but everyone can't seem to stop asking why I am not. So I know that it will/will not happen but the most important thing is that I need to be happy with me. And you should feel the same way! Good luck and your heart will mend. Give it time! Your heart has dealt with enough....forgive yourself and mend. Good luck!
LD/BD/MI teacher
2006-07-02 23:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by Chic29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is hard but you can get through it.It's not the person that you miss(because he wasn't worth it if you got a divorce)but the memories.Ever heard that saying when he was good, he was really good and viceversa???That's it.But life will go on whether or not you go on with it, is up to you.Life is too short to dwell in the past and there are so many good men out there waiting on a caring woman to make a life with.Let go of the old, no matter how hard it is.Because while your being depressed, he is moving on and while your crying over what could have been, the man of your dreams is meeting someone else.Don't let your life leave you alone.Get out there and start living again.Take your time and have fun.The only commitment you have is to you and your children.Enjoy them.
2006-07-02 23:03:36 · answer #4 · answered by missyandgordon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes!!! I am feeling that way now. I just started dating. I was married for 16 years. It was a horrible ugly marriage. I have dated a couple of guys. I consider it just a phase I am going through. I am having a hard time because I like my freedom right now. I am not so sure I want to share my life. Dating now is very different. Enjoy yourself. Don't put yourself on a guilt trip about feeling disconnected. I think it is normal.
2006-07-02 23:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by Constance Olivia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all go through different stages after divorce and detached. I can promise things will change when you decide it's time for you to be happy again. Go out buy something new and put a smile on your face. Life gets better. I think today it is very hard to find a proper mate because people don't know how to commit and morals seem to be forgotten.
2006-07-02 23:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by mtd29485 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I went for about 6 months after she was gone without even going out or doing anything. I was bumed bad. It took me about a year and a half to get over her enough to strike up something with someone else. Same thing the second time. So it is normal to be within your self. I am just fine now. Ready for a new heart break.
2006-07-02 22:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by Itsme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, I feel the same way. I don't care about my ex because he was so mean to me, so that's not an issue and I won't settle for anything less than what I want. I have dated but none of the men I have gone out with have 'lit my fire' either. It's so hard to be in your thirties and a single mom!! I know one day someone will come along. Till then......
2006-07-02 23:38:54 · answer #8 · answered by CoolBreeze 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have some great advice and I hope that you pay attention, am 49years old and have been married for 26years. I have been separated from him twice the second time just recently and I always felt disconnected from men after our separation. I think it is good to be alone after having to share everything with someone. Go on and be selfish it is your right! Let love come slowly and softly don’t push it let God be your match maker no matter how long it takes, and let love come to you.
2006-07-02 23:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't even been able to date. I think having someone to share some time with will be good. I met someone and I feel like I am part of a whole other world that most could never understand. I do my best to take care of myself and those around me. I don't know how long it will take for my heart to not be fearful, but help from someone would be appreciated. Love is interactive not intrapersonal.
2006-07-02 23:01:15 · answer #10 · answered by neener68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋