My boyfriends has a 4-year-old son. I get along with his son really well.
His sons mom doesn't like me and never has. She even told her son that she didn't like me. She comes up with any excuse to complain about me to my boyfriend. He doesn't care what she says, but it still bothers me that she can't get over her problem. I was told that she thinks I'm trying to take her place as him mom, which I'm not. She doesn't want me to discipline him or do anything for him.
She is one of those people who tell their kids they don't have to listen to anyone else but them. He gets in trouble at daycare for not listening and at home with his dad. It makes me mad because she is only hurting her son and I don't think she really cares. She only sees him on some weekends and has 3 other kids of her own and her boyfriend has 3 kids of his own that she deals with on a daily basis.
My question is how or what can I do to help myself deal with this?
2006-07-02 14:50:29 · 10 answers · asked by Sassy Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
See part of the deal is that I am getting ready to move in with them so I will be around him everyday. Also, I'm applying to work at the daycare he goes to cause I'm a teacher and I have a 6-month-old daughter that I will be taking with me to the daycare.
When I said discipline, I'm talking about telling him no or telling him to do something or anything. If I do something he doesn't like he says that he is going to tell his mom, otherwise he listens to me unless he has been to see his mom. I see your point in letting his dad discipline him, but I can't let him run all over me. Sometimes he tries hitting or kicking me and tries to use me as a jungle gym, because his mom tells him to. Like when it comes down to spanking him, that is something his dad does.
My boyfriend tells her all the time that he doesn't want to hear her sh*t about me, but she does anyway.
We have been dating for 7 months, we have been friends since we were 4 or 5.
2006-07-02 15:29:49 · update #1
The truth is that she may never like you, but that is not the real problem to worry about. You seem like you have such an interest in this child and if there is some way you could ignore her feelings toward you it would be wonderful. I know that's easier said than done. If there was a way for her to think at least that she isn't getting to you in any way that would be great also. Keep good communication with you boyfriend and do your best and at least for the three of you it will be a better situation. Let the school know some of what is going on and they should work with you on helping this child through this struggle. You may not be able to get her out of the picture totally but at least you are doing the right thing, who knows maybe you can teach her something.
2006-07-02 14:57:21 · answer #1 · answered by ddy'sgrl77 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a really easy answer to this, you have no control over other people, you only have control over how you let this affect you. I am thinking that you either have already tried to talk to her and re assure her that you are in no way trying to replace her as the child's mother, or you feel this is not possible. So if this were my situation, I would leave most of it up to the father, since he is the one who should be handling this, it's really not up to you. And you should try not to discipline the child anymore than absolutely necessary, that is also the father's job, you, remember, are just the girlfriend.
But it could be helpful to try to seem like the sane one to the child, try talking calmly to him and explain how many more friends and how much more fun he would have if he tried to be good and follow the rules, and be nice to other people. Try setting up a sort of reward system for him, giving him stars for good behavior, catch him every time he does something nice or is polite, or helps in any way, even really little things, then when he has a certain amount of stars, let him pick a special outing or a movie or some small thing he has been wanting and stress to him that good behavior equals a much more happy existence. It will take time and patients but it usually works.
2006-07-02 22:07:30 · answer #2 · answered by janrena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child comes first. Make it known to the child that its ok if his mom doesnt like you that you and him can have fun regardless when your together. As for the mommy , well what can I say you have the attention of the father of her son. Do what you know is right and tell her the same thing that its ok that she doesnt like you its not her you are dating. As for the boyfriend , he needs to be a lil more pro active as far as the ex is concerned and when she opens her mouth to put you down he needs to tell her to be quiet, that your not saying mean things about her, and that he doesnt want to hear anymore. As for you its clear you are doing the right thing and not involving the child . At least one of you is setting a good example. You have your work cut out for you in this relationship . I hope it all works out for you .
2006-07-02 21:59:43 · answer #3 · answered by D K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his ex is getting your goat. Regardless what you do you will never please the woman so give up tyring. As long as your boyfriend is happy with you that is what counts.
If the two of you are living together and his son lives with you, you and your boyfriend need to agree how discipline will occur in the home. Sounds like if she only sees him on weekends, the father has primary custody.
In my opinion it is HIS responsibility to deal with his ex.
Good luck because you are going to need it!
2006-07-02 22:14:05 · answer #4 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well f*ck her dont even think about her but with her son you have to make it clear to him that when he is in your home he has to respect you and his father should have a back bone and tell his son and his ex wife that what you and him say in your home then thats what goes .this kid is only 4 he shouldnt be doing watever he wants in your home you have to teach him .if he still acts up then punish him take toys games t.v away and make sure your boyfriend backs you up by doing this the kid will get the point
2006-07-02 21:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does the little guys dad say to all of this; how long have you been his G/F/ But from the sound of things this woman is plain jealous, and she is not doing her little guy any favors by telling him not to listen to anyone. I think that Daycare Center and HIS DAD should have something to say about all this. But please dont stop being nice to him.
2006-07-02 22:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by lousylaus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her as much as probable. You can positively correct the child like time out no TV no candy ( do not hit the child this doesn't help anyone.)
2006-07-02 21:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by Teacher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
accept that you are a better person than she is, that you place others needs above your own needs, and realize that she wants to keep her son and grandkid all to herself.. no matter what.. even if it's not for the childrens best interests
good luck, my dear
you are gonna need it..
2006-07-02 21:56:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Complicated situation. You will have to tell your boyfriend to regulate his kid. Too many thin lines that can be crossed on this one.
2006-07-02 21:57:51 · answer #9 · answered by gorjatech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you bother about her? If you're planning a future together, as long as you won;t live with her, IGNORE her.
2006-07-02 21:53:32 · answer #10 · answered by Josh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋