My husband wants to split after 10 years of marriage. I am 2 yrs older than he. I have 4 children the youngest with him. Him & my teen daughter (17) do not get along anymore. I do not know the real reason . We lost our house when he became ill & had to have surgery, I have stuck by him. We are living somewhere a church put us. The kids are at my brothers.He has said that he is gonna leave when we get on our feet cause of their relationship and he can no longer live with her. He says he loves me, but I dont see how when he is not even willing to sit down all of us and talk about this thing. He knows I will not leave any of my children for a man. Ppl say that if she wants to act grown & be disrespectful then let her go. She is mouthy at time and I know that, but she is a good girl makes good grades, just started working, not in the street, no kids, not even really a bf. Do I stop trying to keep this family together. We tried counseling he wont go.We attend church, he very seldom goes.
2006-07-02 14:10:45 · 28 answers · asked by Thicky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact that your husband won't sit down with you and your family and try to sort this out is a bit strange. He should be willing to at least try and work it out before vowing to leave your marriage.
You might also start to realize that just because your daughter is a "good" girl and gets good grades, it doesn't mean she should be able to walk all over adults and be disrespectful. I'm not saying to choose a man over your child, I am saying that you need to realize your child is almost an adult and the fact that she isn't willing to knock it off and be civil shows she has a real problem.
You should talk to your daughter and tell her that if she refuses to be civil to your husband that as soon as she's 18 she will need to get her own place. You shouldn't so so quick to give up your marriage - you realize that your husband is your family too, right? Tell your hubby about your daughter and whether or not she's agreed to be civil or move out. Explain to him that you don't want to lose him and that you are working to rectify the situation so everyone can be happy and live their lives.
2006-07-02 14:16:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all .. who can get along with a teenager???
Second...it is a rare man who can accept another mans child.
Third...something happened to cause this change in him, perhaps it was his illness, maybe he doesn't even know.
If the kids are farmed out at your brothers I don't see how your daughter can be causing that many problems.
What you can do...seems you tried most everything (church, counseling etc) So the ball is in his lap. If he wants a divorce then he will have to file for it. Do not help in any way. I think he is just blowing a lot of hot air. You should put all of your energy in getting the family all in one home (him included) if he doesn't want to come along.. then it is his problem.
Good Luck
2006-07-02 14:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't feel a 17 year old has the right to disrespect either parent, and when they do there should be discipline. The more you just let it go, the worse it gets. I would never give up my children for a man...maybe he just needs time to figure things out...or maybe he's just using you until you two get on your feet and then split......if he wants out that bad, there's no reason he can't leave now, right? I give you credit for wanting to save the marriage, however, there's only so much you can do by yourself. You can only improve YOUR part of the relationship.....if he's not willing to improve his part, it sounds like a hopeless cause.
2006-07-02 14:40:16 · answer #3 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to say that my kids are here to stay,but a man can come and go,but i met my husband and my kids gave him nothing but pure hell,and i seen this,just like you see it in your home with your husband and daughter.You can not allow your daughter to disrespect your husband at all.She is still a child even at 17,she is not an adult just yet.You know the only thing that is required from your husband is to love you and put a roof and food for your children,but i am sure he has shown more than that,my point is,your children are going to grow up and leave you,then what?They will not even be there for you,if you see them out of line,back your man,this is his problem,he doesn't see your support in this issue concerning your daughter.It's called tough love towards your daughter.Sounds like she has some issues of being angry for some reason.I think it is great that you attend church,however don't give up on your family ,just pray for them,let God have the problem and leave it there.You are responsible for your daughter till she is 18 yrs of age,so no you cannot turn her loose,it will come back on you if something was to happen.I wish you nothing but the best in this situation,and Good Luck!
2006-07-02 14:33:18 · answer #4 · answered by twjp1962 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless this guy is completely naive, it sounds like he wants to leave and is using your daughter as an excuse. All teenagers are difficult to deal with, and that isn't exactly a secret. Your daughter doesn't sound any different than the rest. If he is actually going to leave because of your daughter, then he has some serious problems...
2006-07-02 14:18:26 · answer #5 · answered by bob f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teen years can be rough on parents and even rougher on Step Parents. I feel for you both but your husband is right. If he feels that strong then yes its for the best. Why try a trial separation and seek counseling while apart. Its not about your love some it might work out. I don't know your teen but teems are tough remember your teen years. Teens rebel and will so even more with a parental figure not their own! Your husband is wise to leave if he is that uncomfortable with situation this way it wont get worse. By worse I mean your teen could run away she or he could exchange blows or any number of things. Let him go but on trial basis while you all seek help and pleas include teen!
2006-07-02 14:17:09 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
l think you should let him go. you are wasting time and energy being the positive one here if he doesn't want to even try then whats the point, your daughter is always gonna be there so i don't understand why he says he loves you and then doesn't put in the effort to get along with her. just tell him that's fine! your a strong woman I'm sure you could do better.. live life to the fullest where only here for a little while..
2006-07-02 14:43:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but it sounds like your daughter is mouthy more than just 'at times'. She's probably a very defiant young lady that has pushed the limits with her step father to the point that whereas before he wished she would leave and live elsewhere, now he is willing to give you up too. And that's probably because you defend her, make excuses for her, and turn a blind eye to the damage she's doing. And it's probably not just you husband that suffers her wrath. You have an important decison to make. Which ever way you choose to throw your support, you have to live with it.
2006-07-02 14:35:37 · answer #8 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering if he's always the "bad guy" for your teen daughter. You know, the one who says, "No, you can't do this," or whatever discipline needs to be done.
The sense I have is that you're saying, "Yeah, but she could be so much worse."
Maybe he HAS tried, and is really tired of your daughter's disrespect and you allowing it.
To be fair, you have a LOT on your plate, both of you. Sickness, loss of a home--those are contributing factors.
Only you know what part you've played in this, and I say you need to look at THAT if you want him to stay. That's the only thing you CAN change.
2006-07-02 14:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by abbynormal92243 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard sometimes to get along with any teenager...Even when his own children get that age it is not going to be an easy ride.. honey I know you love him but if he thinks raising kids would always be easy then he needs to wake up....Then again your daughter needs to learn to respect people...Goes both ways.. if he is not willing to set down and find out what went wrong then maybe it is time to cut your loses..after 10 long years it really doesnt make sense to me.. but he is going through alot of being a man and losing the house and becoming ill, his ego is shot..he really doesn't need a mouthy teen getting on him right now.. talk to your daughter also... if all else fails then you need to be prepaid to be without him...good luck
2006-07-02 14:17:35 · answer #10 · answered by tweeterbird73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋