how much crap can a person take from a person?

Question

my ex friend of 17 years,she has always acted like she`s better than me no matter what it is. she goes through fases every cpl months where she is just down right mean and very spiteful. then theirs other times where she and i got along, i was very close with her kids, our kids grew up together. i don`t know whats wrong with her. i think she could have a prob. (mentally) no joke. she has degraded me n my family everytime she gets upset about the lil things that don`t matter.i have went out of my way for this girl on many occasions, but it seems like its all bout $$$ with her. we both have helped out each other from time to time, but i never threw anything in her face like she has done to me, nor have i degraded her or her family. i have said things but didn`t mean it and apologized to her, but i am the one who is ALWAYS saying sorry when sometimes i shouldn`t need to. she wished my baby dead 14 years ago and we didn`t speak for 3 yrs.

we had fought like this for years, and then we called it quits, does anyone have any opinions that they can share with me, serious ones only please

we haven`t spoken for 5 months now, the last thing she got upset bout was that i was talking to my brother in which i just found him recently because i am adopted, well my friend`s baby had an accident and she called to tell me she was taking him to hospital and i simply told her can i call you right back that i was on the phone with my brother, but i did ask her if her baby was ok and to stay calm before i hung up with her, i called the hospital everyday checking on her baby and my friend and i talked like nothing was wrong then suddenly a week later she started her s*** again claiming i didn`t care bout her child, that the family i just found(my brother and birth mom) never cared bout me anyways and how she said she has been here for me and they haven`t. keep in mind my friend is also adopted too but has never found her birth parents. but my friend was there when i met mine but started throwing it in my face calling my birth mom a whore this n that, blah blah blah.

well like i said our kids grew up together so i thought i`d be grown up bout it all so even tho she did not want to talk to me i respected this so i had my husband call her about having our son come down for a weekend at her house so him and her son who are best friends could hang out, etc. she would talk to him but not me which was fine by me, my son went down and it was disaster!! all she did was yell n scream at all the kids, she came in drunk my son said,she gave permission for the kids to spend the nite with 1 of her son`s friends, but then the next day when my hubby called to check on our son she didn`t realize they were gone all nite. she told my son how she could not stand me, how he wasn`t welcome at her home anymore. and this was after they came home the next day. my son said he was goin to walk home cuz he didn`t want to hear it, and thats when she said what she said to my son. her own kids can`t stand to be around her and her oldest son wants to move, i feel sorry 4her kids

Answer 1

As you grow up there is something that tells you: enough is enough. She needs you to compare herself and made you feel that she is better than you. My advice to you is not to feel upset or frustrated. Long ago she gave you the opportunity to realize that human relationship can flip anytime. The bottom of it is jealousy and she dishes out her bad mood at times when she cannot hold it anymore. Understand that all along you were the subject of admiration in disguise through jealousy that slowly eats away her heart.

Answer 2

Wow, your story sounds like you are telling one of "MY" stories about a friendship I had with someone for years!!
Soooo...I do know exactly what you are talking about.
I can only give you my opinion, but you must decide for yourself.
IT DOES HURT WHEN TWO FRIENDS BREAK AND IT HAS TO BE CALLED QUITS. THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP. IT SEEMS TO BE ALL ABOUT "HER" AND NOT A GIVE AND TAKE BALANCED FRIENDSHIP.
YOU WOULD BE MUCH BETTER OFF TO WIPE YOUR FEET OF HER. JUST BE HONEST AND TELL HER YOUR TRUE FEELINGS (IF YOU CAN GET A WORD IN EDGE-WISE) WITH THE FRIEND I HAD, SHE DID ALL THE TALKING TOO!!! JUST STOP ANSWERING ANY CALLS FROM HER AFTER YOU TELL HER IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM MEANT TO BE FOR YOU TO REMAIN FRIENDS. DON'T GO TO SEE HER. AND IF SHE COMES TO YOUR HOME, STAY ON THE OUTSIDE AND DO NOT INVITE HER IN. TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT, CUT AND DRY AS TO CONVERSATION AND SHE WILL FINALLY LEAVE. "YOU ONLY HAVE TO TAKE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DISH OUT AT YOU "IF" YOU CHOOSE TO LET THEM." SHE WILL NOT CHANGE. SO DO YOU WANT A FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS PERSON AS IT IS AND HAS BEEN OR DO YOU FEEL YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SUCH HEADACHES IF THIS PERSON WERE NOT IN YOUR LIFE? YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE TO EITHER PUT UP WITH HER AND ALL OF HER WAYS AND DOINGS OR EITHER END IT AND DON'T LOOK BACK. (I certainly don't mean to be rude, but very serious with my answer). I TRUELY HAVE BEEN THROUGH A FRIENDSHIP EXACTLY LIKE YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND REMEMBER ALWAYS WITH ANY RELATIONSHIP... IT ISN'T THE QUANTITY OF YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER OR FRIENDS, IT IS THE QUALITY WITHIN THE YEARS."

Answer 3

She does sound to be mentally disturbed, if what you are saying is correct. I'm thinking she might be narcissistic (someone who thinks everything is about them and finds a way to twist everything back to them).

My other thought is borderline personality disorder. A person who has this disorder will push you away as much as they can until you finally get sick of it. Then they try their damndest to reel you back in to avoid losing you. This type of person has abandonment issues and pushes other people away first to avoid what they feel will be an inevitable loss when you finally get sick of them.

Either way, if you think any of this makes sense, it's important to set very strict boundaries with her. Don't let her act this way around your kids. Tell her what's going to happen when she starts acting rude (you will leave, hang up etc). You may have to end up writing this relationship off altogether.

Good luck.

Answer 4

i actually had a problem similar to this with my best friend of 6 years, she and i were really close, but then after 5 years she decided that she didnt want to talk to me anymore. about a month or two later she apologized, and i forgave her. but when she did the same thing to me again a year later, it was worse. she insulted me and my boyfriend and tried to break us up, then quit speaking to me. then later she got mad when i didnt try to make up with her. i dont speak to her anymore because i just dont need it, and neither do you. when someone wishes your baby dead, they are just not worth your time.

Answer 5

me i think u should just cuts all strings with her because if this keep happening then Chances r u r going to end up doing something to her and we don't want that and never let someone have so much power over u that u r ready to just give up no u keep it going and hold ur ground until the little b***h gives up and u stay strong

Answer 6

Sounds like this person is not right in the head and needs some help!!! You need to stand up for yourself and your family because no one should put up with that...you were right to move on!! Good for you.

Answer 7

If this person hasnt' changed in all this time dont' expect any changes to occur. You need to call it quit and look back on the good in the relationship and move on to someone who appreciates you and doesn't put you down. you deserve to be happy.

Answer 8

just stop all contact, i just went through one of these situations with a girlfriend of mine, whens she mad at me for some reason, she curses, calls me names and i would forgive her everytime, but now im tired of it and i have cut all communcation, she caught me on line the other day and i chatted for a minute, but now she can't tell if im on line or not.

Answer 9

only you can know when you have reached your limit of crap...hitting your bottom...you will change..become more powerfull... take care of yourself...and you won't be fun to her anymore..she'll go looking for "another nice person to use as a doormat"