I've been engaged to my BF for about 1 month now and yesterday I saw my 'to be' in-laws for the first time since my engagement proposal. Apparently my BF has told them that we're getting married & they've always been very nice to me but yesterday they didn't say a word about me marrying their son. No "congratulations" or anything?! I am baffled. I didn't say anything to my BF because he had his young daughter (from a previous marriage) with him and I didn't want to talk about it in front of her. Should I be concerned and/or should I ask him why they are so ignorant?? I am feeling very hurt about it all as my own mother hasn't spoken to me for months and I feel like no one gives a hoot apart from me and a few friends. Even my boyfriend is quite apathetic about arranging an engagment party and talking about a wedding (I just want something small and meaningful as this is a 2nd marriage) - I even had to ask him to buy me an engagment ring. I feel like this is doomed already :(
2006-07-02 11:49:04 · 12 answers · asked by gwibsy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He may not have told them yet. Ask him if he has. And maybe they just didn't want to say anything in front of his young daughter. That can be a sticky situation. When my husband proposed to me it was a while before he told his family because of his son. He didn't know how to tell his ex. she isn't a very nice person. So he tried to find the best way to talk to her before he let his son in on it. Maybe your fiance is trying to do the same?
2006-07-02 11:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by dkhae1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to sit down with him alone and tell him what happened the other day with his mother and how it made you feel, then tell him about the whole wedding thing and how you dont understand what he is feeling about it, why it was so hard for him to want to buy you a ring. ask him exactly what is going on cause you feel that you diserve to know the truth no matter how much it might hurt. that you dont want things to be like this. tell him whatever it is it can be worked out and you will be there to take part in fixing it. and hope that maybe he will come clean with you. he just might be under alot of presure from his parent cause this is his second marriage so they might be discouraging him. ask him why he wants you to marry him if he does not want to even buy you a ring and have a small wedding? he needs to come clean with you. good luck/
2006-07-02 19:10:12 · answer #2 · answered by Blonds Rock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe his parents didn't talk about it because the daughter was there and the daughter doesn't know yet. If you feel it's already doomed, save everybody the grief....get out now. What a selfish person you are! Just because they didn't bring up the topic you felt should have been the ONLY topic? There are other things more important. Maybe they KNOW it's already doomed and don't feel like celebrating this "victory" of yours. Jeez, get a grip.
2006-07-02 19:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Word! You are NOT over-reacting! It's your gut instinct telling you to STOP!!!! You had to ASK for an engagement ring?! Your in-laws are ignoring you? Maybe he didn't really tell them. By the sounds of what you wrote my gut is saying for you to RUN! He is NOT the guy for you! Take it from someone who made a similar choice and regretted it! Someone who wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you should be just as excited as you, supporting you, loving you, planning with you etc.You should be partners in life. Talking about all these things. He should WANT you to be happy. He sounds like he's a caveman looking for a maid, cook, step-mom for his daughter, and a sex toy. What is he doing for you? You have to look out for yourself,because no one else will. I can tell you for certain, being single sure beats being married and miserable. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-07-02 22:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by ShellRe' 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like it's either one of two things - 1 his family doesn't like you very much or 2 he and his family aren't as emotionally open as you are. Perhaps they aren't "jumping for joy" simply because this is a second marriage. They might just be cautious about how this is going to work out. If it bothers you so much, then you should ask your fiancee what's going on. Although, I think you might be jumping to conclusions, especially calling his family ignorant. Just because they aren't regaling you with open arms doesn't make them ignorant. Honestly, it seems like it's not really a big deal to him or his family. No ring, no party, doesn't seem like they are much for celebration. So yes, this might be a sign that there's trouble. Also the fact that you're still calling him your bf and not your fiancee can be seen as the same.
2006-07-02 19:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people just need time to let things sink in. Give them a chance and just relax. You've only been engaged a month - there is a lot of planning to do and you'll have plenty of time to get all the "congratulations." Enjoy your new status!!
2006-07-02 21:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would love to help you on this.
listen , you are not over reacting, but you are negative in your thinking, if your in laws were not ignorant that time , you would not have thought this way, or if your bf let's say done sth very nice to you that day.. you thoughts, your thinking would be DIRECTED to more positive way.
since you are engaged for a year, meaing that you are convinced of this guy, and you have love him, also you thought he can be you life partner.. so .. keep thinking this way, keep the positive thinking ALWAYS running in your head, listen some of the things is our life is doomed by the way we think of it, if you say for eg. i won't win i won't win i won't win.. you won't !!!
regarding you telling him to buy you a ring, if he did, it means that he is good but YOU gonna have to work on this relationship to florish and be magnificint, and who is not my friend?? if he did not buy the ring.. then you have to question his inttentions.
regading his family, i highly recommend it you give it some time, do not judge this fast, trust me, patience is ALWAYS rewarding, you said they have been nice to you, but not this time, why on earth you assumed that they don't like you to be the wife of their son?? maybe in their poin of view they do not encourage the whole marriage not you personally, maybe they were shocked for the news and want some time to absorb it, maybe they are afriad that it won't work, see i can give u many reasons which do not have to point at you personally.
Hey, give it some time, please, take a decesion that you won't regret for a moment.. do not take it if you have a bad mood or sad or rushed one.. take the decision when your spirit is delighted and you feel so happy that you wanna fly !!
great wishes :)
2006-07-02 19:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anna S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that way then you have no business getting married. You had better hold off for awhile. Maybe the family know something you don't . I would wait to see what happens before I got married.
2006-07-02 21:47:37 · answer #8 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with black orchid, you have to take into consideration he has a child by someone else and maybe he didn't want to smear it in the childs face think about someone other than yourself. Maybe he is looking for a way to get away from your selfish ways.
2006-07-02 19:28:46 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u r not over reacting. you just want some one to acknowledge it {is that how you spell ackowledge?} anyway he should be as excited as u r.if not there is an unspoken problem
2006-07-02 19:01:02 · answer #10 · answered by chays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋