2006-07-02 10:46:54 · 14 answers · asked by jerimysh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The short answer: it depends.
This is where a extremely high level of openness and honesty is required. First of all, not everyone is able to handle a D/s relationship. (The BD and SM are more about activities in a relationship as opposed to the relationship itself.) If either of you are unable to handle it, it's not for you.
Then there are differing levels of D/s. Some limit it to entirely the bedroom, staying vanilla in other aspects of their life. Some are able to handle it on a larger level, where it may be pretty much 24/7. Then there is the depth of the D/s. Would the submissive have certain rights within the context of the relationship? Or will it venture to a Master (or Mistress)/slave relationship?
There are couples who manage to live a 24/7 M/s relationship, and have a strong marital bond. However, that is not universal. Probably a middle level of D/s occurs, either where the submissive isn't fully submissive or they limit it to certain times and places.
My primary suggestion is to wade into exploration slowly. You may find that it is not for you at all. You may find that there will be a breaking point and that is as far as it goes. In any case, don't finalise anything until this balance point is found.
Also don't forget that even if it's a vanilla relationship, your personal activities need not be vanilla, It is possible to have the BD and/or the SM without the context of D/s. (Switches are usually like that.) And don't confuse kink with D/s as they are not one in the same.
2006-07-03 10:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
A BDSM relationship must follow the rules of being safe, consenual, and sane. If both parties agree to this type of relationship it is the responsibility of the Dom or Domme to make sure they understand the needs of their submissive. The submissive must also be able to express their feelings about their desire and needs as well.
Having a 24/7 submissive is a big responsiblity and there must be an understanding between the two. You cannot grab a whip and beat on someone and expect them to simply be okay with it. Your bottom has you trust you, know that you care for them, and that you will not treat them as an object.
A married couple can find great pleasure and exploration using BDSM. It should not hurt the marriage unless it is being used as a form of abuse. No one should submit to that. Have fun, educate yourself, and learn the trade. Be honest with yourselves and don't be afraid to say you are new to the game.
You need to ask yourselves how serious you want the game to be. I suggest you attend a Munch in your area and talk to others who find this lifestyle fulfilling and can explain more to you. A Munch is a place where people of the lifestyle sit down and eat to get to know each other.
Good Luck!
K
2006-07-02 11:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by kaiynasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're looking to spice up your marriage, don't try bdsm. There will come a time when you'll get bored with that and begin to seek something else,or you'll feel the need to go more hard core. Start investing in other aspects of your relationship and you will see the spark return in your bedroom.
2006-07-02 11:26:32 · answer #3 · answered by biblegirl73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BDSM is about trust. If you try it and it doesn't feel good, then STOP!!!! For example, if you are tied up and are scared or hurting, or if you tie up your spouse and it feels wrong, then you need to quit. It can be a wonderful exercise in trust, and it can uncover feelings for each other that you have abandoned... but it can def. make a bad relationship worse by adding victimization and emotional pain to an already painful situation.
2006-07-02 10:51:29 · answer #4 · answered by dawubbies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you need this to make a marriage work it is already in trouble.
Do not do it. If your marriage cannot survive without doing this it will not doing it.
And you marriage is not the only thing that may get hurt.
Check out the sites that promote this. See how the female is treated. Not a good loving thing at all. If you love to be humiliated then your on the right track.
2006-07-02 10:54:53 · answer #5 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If both parties are interested in this, that's fine. If one is not, and the other pressures it, it could cause problems. If there is interest on both sides, start small...take it slow...don't progress any faster than either person's comfort level...if it's not working, then don't try to force it, let it go...there are many other things to try...
2006-07-02 10:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would only help if both partners are willing, understand what they are getting into and the lines of communication are kept open for discussion about it. Lots of times a woman goes along with her man to please him but really doesnt want too. That would be hurtfull and ruin the realtionship. She would blame him for making her do something she was not comfortable with, and would resent him for it.
2006-07-02 10:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by EB&Js 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will hurt but thats the idea. Its healthy if both parties are into it and take the time to do it properly and not harm one or the other.
2006-07-02 10:49:09 · answer #8 · answered by Fee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are both parties interested in that kind of relationship? if they are it will be alright, if they aren't or one feels pressured in to it or does it just to make the other happy it will hurt.
2006-07-02 10:49:27 · answer #9 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your life right with God. It may surprise you, the real true "LOVE" (agape), you never had. There is NO greater love, than that. You and your spouse can enjoy life with regardless.
Good Luck.
2006-07-02 11:30:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋