Please, advice?

Question

I am offended and upset when my girlfriend tells me that I 'never' tidy the flat, or that I 'always' spend her money or that I 'never' think of anybody but her. I've told her that I feel bad when she belittles what I do around the flat with her comments and that I'd rather talk about how she feels than blame one of us.

She says this is how she feels and that this is not my right to tell her that I find what she says abusive.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

if you do tidy the flat, and dont spend her money and she still makes these comments, i thinkyou should leave her.
If you do help out alot, then she is lucky to have someone like you.

Answer 2

Firstly, you are entitled to your opinion and also to stick up for yourself. Listen to what she is telling you and then tell her what you honestly feel. My fiance and I live together and we share the cleaning of the flat and also go shopping together. We never class money as MY money or HIS money - its OUR money. But all this only got sorted because we spoke about it and agreed that we want this life. It seems to me that you both really need to talk to each other and get things out in the open - establish some ground rules if you like. Don't let this bottle up - be honest with her and yourself. Communication is the key and honesty.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Depends how she put it ...this counts very much. If this things she sais are true, then u should change your behaviour and don t feel insulted or blamed. I think is nothing abusive in what she sais if this is the true. Try to do something too for this relation and prove her that u love her not just by words. And don t spend her money...spend money with her..Try both of u to do things together...

Answer 4

Sit down and think about this. How often do you vacuum clean the flat? How often do you dust and polish? How often do you do the laundry? How often do you cook a meal?? Can you remember the last time?....... Do you borrow money from her and not pay back? If so, your lucky she just belittles you- you dont just deserve belittling, you deserve throwing out. She isnt belittling you, she is telling it like it is, and nobody wants a lazy bastard, so get your act in line.

Answer 5

It is entirely your right to tell her if you think she is being abusive. If she won't actually discuss the problems then you need to leave because she IS being abusive! Maybe you need to draw up a housework rota. Or get seperate bank accounts and discuss a budget etc. If she won't help you change your 'bad' behaviour then neither of you will be happy.

Answer 6

First, ask yourself if you do enough, can you honestly say yes?
It can be impossible to live with someone who won't tidy up, but if nothing you do is good enough, that is just as bad.
Can you live with it or not?
Either buck your ideas up, or break loose, depending on where you're really at.

Answer 7

sounds like your both angry and in anger we says things we don't mean. maybe you should agree to talk about it later when you are both feeling calm.
it's important to share work and you both have the right to express your opinions.
just do this when you feel in control of your emotions and listen to each other before you talk.
you have love for each other, patience is the best way of showing it.
good luck i hope you sort this out x

Answer 8

Well, it depends how she's saying it.

If its downright degrading, then yes, it's verbal abuse.

If its more of constructive criticism, then you need to stop being so sensitive and fix your mistakes.

Thats how I see it.

Answer 9

Hey, RUN, do not WALK. This woman is trouble and with a capital T.

Answer 10

depends if what she saying is the truth, then yes. Get of ur *** & help her