Why is it that I can't decide to leave my husband? I am tired of the verbal abuse.?

Question

He constantly corrects, ridicules, and belittles me. I get mad and think about leaving him. However, it would be his second divorce and I think if I left he would kill himself. I also know he would not attempt couseling because he thinks it is for nutcases. I am so sick of it all. I know of a man who thinks I am beautiful, sexy, and would probably do anything for me. I love the way he makes me feel, yet I am married. What do I do?

Answer 1

I feel for you hun...

You dont want to leave because you are scared... scared of a whole new world. At the moment you have a house, bills are paid & you have `settled` into this routine.

You need to grab the bull by the horns and leave if its as bad as you say. The first 3-6 months will be bad... the next 3 will get slightly better and in 12-24 months you will be a new you !!! And you will wonder why you did not do it sooner

Maybe this move will shock your hubby into action and he will change and you can fall in love with each other again...

Take the future and use it instead of being abused

Answer 2

You know what you should do but are afraid to do it.

You are his second marriage? Now you know why.

When a person does this it is usually because that is what they saw all the time while growing up. While it is not a conscious thing he is doing just what he was taught to do.

If he does this all the time with very little love given in between then you have only one choice. Say goodbye.

Have the man that seems to think you are everything you want to be help you. But remember this. When you first go with someone your are always on your best behavior. You were attracted to your husband at one time. How did he treat you then?

Make sure this new guy is all you think he is.

Regardless of him you should not have to take the abuse. There is a reason why your husband refuses to seek help. He is afraid of what he will find. He is hiding his head in his ignorance and telling himself that there is really nothing wrong with him. If you would only shape up he wouldn't have to do this.

You can't win here. There are none so blind than those that will not see. Get help for yourself and get the strength to move on.

Answer 3

I was thinking that perhaps you don't love or respect yourself enough and accept this kind of behaviour. Trust me...I know..I have been in this kind of marriage for 10 years....

If I were you, I would not look back and get out....this guy sounds like an ego maniac. My husband also thinks that the counseling is for whacko's....well guess what my last one told me to do? 2 years ago he said after a meeting with us together...he said "If I were you, imagine yourself standing on a high dive and there's a fire burning behind you...how long are you going to get burned before you jump?"

We get stuck with thinking that they will change or there's this small 5 min. sign of kindness....it's super intimacy problems and unfortunately, you're in the middle....

I just read an ad in our newspaper....a new attorney just opened up there office and is offering a "free consultation". This is where I am going tomorrow to find out what my rights are for divorce.

Take care,
Listen to me...I have dealt with it for 10 years and the signs were there and if isn't you...it will be somebody else.
I hope you can find the strength to do it...

Answer 4

My husband was verbally abusive towards me too and it took me alot of time, but I finally let him go. You have to stay strong and know that you don't deserve the way you are being treated and there's someone out there that will make you feel so much better than he is. My husband threatened to kill himself, but he's still living today, so he'll move on, too. Don't let him make you feel guilty because it's not your fault. Let your heart decide but if you're not happy, then don't let yourself be put through any more of the pain. Good luck!

Answer 5

If he ridicules, corrects and belittles you, then that is definitely verbal abuse. He only continues to do it because you allow him to. No one who respects you should be allowed to speak to you that way.

If you leave your husband and he kills himself (which I doubt he will), that is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is a choice that he made for himself. The amount of guilt you feel with regards to his choice is YOUR choice.

Don't run into the arms of another man. Separate yourself from your abuser, get your own head together and start from there.

Answer 6

I agree with most of the others...I think that you should try to save the marriage via counseling and/or separation. You must smack the man up side his head and get him to be aware of how unhappy you are. If he doesn't seek counseling with you, then do it yourself...I'm sure your work has some assistance program they offer...The other thing, remember, you have two incomes now, can you afford to live on your own?...Any kids? Divorce is a serious mess and will possibly F*** up your life and the kids for the worse.

Answer 7

Talk to hubby sincerely for the last time. Tell him that if he doesn't make a serious effort to change his behavior then you'll be leaving him. Personally I don't think that he'll kill himself if you leave him, it's just soap opera stuff. If he doesn't change then just dump him in the nearest garbage bin nearest to your house and go find your future elsewhere but not with your newly-acquired friend. I have this feeling that he wants to exploit the situation between you and your husband for his own crooked ends. Good luck and act wisely.

Answer 8

well if you leave him... and he kills himself... the verbal abuse stops, right?

Well, obviously part of the problem is you have a BOYFRIEND.

This affects your relationship with your husband in ways you can't even realize.

In fact... Part of the reason you're getting so mad is:
1) You compare him to a new love, which is not practical
2) You're looking for excuses to hate him to justify your infidelity.

Yes... infidelity... Doesn't MATTER if it's not gone physical... which it probably has....

Look... IN or OUT... either work on your marriage (which you've done a poor job so far)... or GET OUT... and pursue another one... or... have an affair. (the cowards way out)...

YOU have some responsibility for your husbands actions.

You allowed him to correct you, ridicule you and belittle you.

The FIRST time that happened... you should have set him straight. On a correction: "excuse me ace.... you're not my MOTHER or my PREACHER or my TEACHER... don't presume to correct me."

Belittling and ridiculing is RIDICULOUS in a marriage. But... if it persists... so... you've not dealt with it.

Funny... YOU'RE having an affair... if not of the BODY.. of the heart... YOU'VE allowed yourself to be mistreated... Yet HE is the BASTARD.... wanna explain to me how that Plays?

Answer 9

How's that working for you? You either choose to stay or not. Does your life depend on what other people think of you? That's a shame. It should be you that think how you are and not look to others to give you compliments. Sounds like you need some real help with someone who is able to help you sort out your life and who you are. Otherwise, you'll keep repeating the same sorry mistakes. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

Maybe in your heart you feel the guilt of having an ADULTEROUS relationship. You are all over this other guy and you are still married. Repent. Stop assuming what he will or will not do. Confront him and tell him that the marriage is in jeopardy. Try this: "We need help. I've scheduled an appointment for us with _____." "BTW- next door to the counselors office is a moving company. If you don't come with me to the counselor, I'll go by myself to the moving company."