well the point is that he changed a alot but sometimes he hurts my feelings and im not sure if i love him we got 2 kids plus his daughter and im just 21 i want to be with him because of his daughter her mom lost custody and she suffer alot but still im not ssure what can i do to know if i love him or not and what should i do to jim when he pushes me away and doesnt want me touching him and hes not cheating on me because hes always with me and the kids plus he works im confused i care about him but sometime i think i cant leave him because of the kids and my parents and his mom hes 26 i benn through alot
2006-07-02 10:05:51 · 26 answers · asked by carmen r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get used to it. I see where is only gets more.
If you don't like it now, your really in for a disappointment in a few yaers.
Good Luck.
2006-07-02 11:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You evidently do love him,and want to be with him. You've forgiven him for cheating, and I know how it feels to have the one you love hurt your feelings with words.Don't ever believe once a cheater always a cheater or that it will happen again. It's not true in many cases. Talk to him calmly about how you feel and what he's doing to you, Marriage counseling is also a suggestion. Most guys don't have the emotions or feelings a women does and that their words or actions can cut like a knife. You have a great head on your shoulders and are a forgiving person. . Don't ever blame yourself bc you get hurt feelings by things he does or says. Many women can relate. Get him to truly listen about how you feel when he pushes you away. not wanting you to touch him. I do know how it feels to be treated this way by a person, and I didn't even love him. If I was sitting by him,and would rub his arm or neck he would yell. That was only a little of what he did. Don't ever lose your self esteem or self confidence because of this. You will make the right choice for you and your family. I wish you the best.Physical abuse is not ever to be tolerated tho. Pray over this.
2006-07-02 18:05:30 · answer #2 · answered by nativeamericantay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen up girl, I'm speaking from experience. If he has ever hit you and you take him back it WILL happen again. It always starts with verbal abuse. Eventually if you don't leave, it will go farther. I know you feel for his daughter and if you leave you can try to maintain contact with her. But you are not a positive role model for her as a woman or you're children as a mother by putting up with this. The fact that you gave him another chance doesn't mean that you can only get him or he is the only one for you. It means that you are a great caring person who is capable of giving someone a lot of love. Do it for your kids, for his kids and more than anything for yourself. Find a support group, find friends you can lean on, and family. You don't have to do it alone and you will someday have a happy healthy relationship.
2006-07-02 17:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by sapientia2010 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From past experience staying with a man for your children or for someone else is a really bad idea. I did exactly that and I was so miserable and unhappy I tried to kill myself in front of my three year old daughter (well that was years ago). Well I then went into the hospital for a week. I then learned that no one can make me happy if I can't make myself happy. Long story short I have since divorced him and I am living my life happy with my children. Make you happy do what you need to do for yourself and those children. If there is no love in the house those children will grow up not knowing how to love another think about that. Good Luck and God Bless you .
2006-07-02 17:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by amosby1970 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every reason to leave your hubby - he did everything that a husband is never supposed to do to his wife. The fact you are still with him is amazing - but you can't stay with him just because of the kids, if you do everyone will be miserable. The fact that he pushes you away isn't a good sign - it means there are major problems in your marriage.
Tell him that you want to get into marriage counseling and work your problems out. If he is unwilling to go to counseling you should really consider leaving him and moving in with a relative. Marriage is 50/50 - if he isn't putting the work in then your marriage is not going to last.
2006-07-02 17:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen when you're with someone for a period of time --- you can get use to anything even abuse(whether physical or emotional) - you sound like a caring person and you want to be there for the kids--- that's fine but you need to be emotional strong and stable in all areas to provide for the kids --- being with him isn't working for you and it's effecting you emotionally--- that's not good for you or the kids. Should you seek divorce you can ask for visitations with his child(from a former relationship) since you have played a major role in her upbringing. If he is abusive of this child please report it. Make a life for your own kids away from him. I know you said he's been through a lot --- but that's no excuse for him not to get help for his own problems ---- just remember you are going through a lot at 21 --- abusive spouse - 2 kids and raising his other kid --- you have to get yourself emotionally healthy and strong --- you have little ones who are depending on the adults in their lives to be strong, stable, loving and good role models---- the situation won't change until you make a move in a positive direction....
2006-07-02 17:33:10 · answer #6 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have been through alot with this man. Staying with him because of the kids is not a good enough reason. You can stay with him and endure more crap or tell yourself you don't deserve this and walk away. A man should never ever hit a woman and with his cheating and incarceration, he's starting out young in life messing up. Your parents and his mother should have no say so over your life, they need to support any decisions you make and keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves.
2006-07-02 17:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he changed a lot? Let me clue you in - NO HE DIDN'T.
He's still the same abusive, cheating pedophile he was before he went to jail. He may not be physically abusing you right now (although he will probably start that again soon), but he is abusing you emotionally.
I feel for his daughter, but you are putting yourself and YOUR two children at risk staying with this guy. GET OUT NOW.
2006-07-02 17:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by Zarathustra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an example of what abused wives go through. You say you love him, but you let him treat you any way he wants to. He pushes you away because there is something more going on with him. If he loved you, he would not push you away. You need to worry about the safety and well being of yourself and your children, not his feelings right now.
2006-07-02 17:10:22 · answer #9 · answered by pamela_d_99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well said starla, i think your right. divorce him and move on.
you can keep him in you and your daughters lives but you don't have to stay with him. you arrange visitation i'd suggest supervised visits if i understand what you claim he went to jail for.
you leave him tell him why your leaving, and tell him when he has fully changed his attitude to treat you and the kids right then MAY BE you and he can get back together.
ultimatly all anyone here can do is give advice. the choice has to be yours at the end of the day.
get you and the kids out or get him to move out until he has changed as i said above.
2006-07-02 17:14:06 · answer #10 · answered by thebestnamesarealreadytaken0909 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie-this doesn't sound like a good situation. Here is a guy who has cheated on you, had sex with minors and can't respond to you with love and caring. I know you have children, but even if he is not cheating now he doesn't know how to love you. You deserve better. Go to a battered women's shelter if you need to...face the music, this isn't working.
2006-07-02 17:11:15 · answer #11 · answered by doryanne949 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋