touchy subject: is it normal for a 12 yr old to touch an 9yr old under her underwear, just feel what its like?

Question

my brothers son lifted his sister underwear and felt her butt is this normal innocent curious behavior or something more he is 12 and she is 9 he is good kid who never gets into trouble and makes good grades. i say it is normal behavior at that age since it only happened once my brother is livid and doesnot know what to do

Answer 1

best case its something he saw somewhere, the question is where, television or your brother are strong possiblities but figure that out. worst case someone is doing it to the boy and thats where he's learning it so be careful here. tell him its completely unacceptable, tell him it is never ok to touch someones privates, he'll undoubtedly have questions because he obviously sees someone doing it or has experienced it himself, be prepared to answer them but make sure the answers are from a 12 year olds perspective and within his ability to grasp.

your brother is having such a strong reaction because he's looking at it from a grown up point of view, like the child KNOWS what he's doing and what it means and is doing it anyway, THAT IS NOT THE CASE, once he realizes that your brother should be able to handle this with a more level head. they definitely need to have a father son chat, hopefully the first of many on the this subject. this needs to be handled correctly or it could change the childs view in the future and also his willingness to talk to dad about things that will be very important later on.

Answer 2

No, it's not normal behavior. If your brother's kids were maybe 2 or 3 it would be innocent, but both children are old enough to know better. Your nephew is almost a teenager, he has to know that touching a girl (especially a relative) under her skirt is in no way acceptable.
Your brother needs to talk to his son and tell him why it's wrong and that he should never do it again. The son should also be monitored around his sister because if he's already gone under her panties what does he do when no one is around? This needs to be taken care of now - if it isn't your nephew is going to have a very tough road ahead.
Your brother should also talk to his daughter and tell her that it's not okay that her brother touch her. She needs to know that if he does touch her or try anything that she needs to go right to her parents and tell them.

Answer 3

This is NOT NORMAL behavior. There is something going on and needs to be addresses ASAP....to ensure that nothing else is going on. NO ONE should violate anyone personal space for such action. Someone needs to talk to the 9 year to ensure that this is the only thing that has happened and who ever talks to her needs to not get mad at her when she responds, because if the adult gets upset, the child will STOP TALKING. Being a good kid and good grades has nothing to do with this, may not want to hear this, could be on the door step of sexual abuse. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

It is both normal for prepubessant boys to want to explore sexuality, and wrong. It can easily be stopped if the boy is soundly chastised for it ,, and taught a lesson on birds vs bees. The teaching must be forcefull, because he has to know earlier that we that that behavoir is less tolerated today than it was in my youth.. Even a 12 yo can get into major trouble with the law, his school. every one is way too quick to judge and persecute even innocent curiosity..... an oddity: 2 hundred years ago, a 12 year old girl was almost ready to be given in marriage to a man usually twice her age..

Answer 5

It is normal for a child to be interested in the human body of himself and others at that age.
It is inappropriate to just shrug it off and say "oh well".
The best thing is to do is have a discussion and let him know that isn't allowed and that he will be punished if he does it again. Also, the girl needs to be told that if it happens again she should tell her parents.
Unfortunately, this may be the time to have a serious "birds n the bees" talk with the boy. Our society tends to wait too late and schoolmates have the talk amongst themselves at an earlier age than we had.

Answer 6

at the age of 12 he should not touch her, i could understand if he was 9 years old and she is a little younger but 12? he is about to go to middle school, your brother should have stop this the 1 time it happen so it will be the last time it will happen.

Answer 7

Ummm there is a word for that, I believe they call it incest. No this is not normal. Anyone that thinks it is has a problem. It doesn't matter if he is a good kid and makes good grades or not. That has nothing to do with it. This child has a problem and it will not go away without professional help. If he gets the chance he will do it again with his sister or someone else. Gawd, don't let your niece be subjected to that. Please Please make sure he gets help. He is not going to outgrow it. It is not going to go away!
How do you know it only happened once? Maybe he only got caught once!!!
DO SOMETHING!!!

Answer 8

tell him that it is inappropiate. It is normal if u r 5 and 2, but not 12 and 9!!! I agree with the first answer.

Answer 9

He needs to sit him down and explain why its wrong...Just because he is a good kid dosent mean he may not try to have sex with his sister...She needs to be told to tell the minute he tries it again. I think at 12 you cant consider that cuirous behavior. He may need help

Answer 10

Don't be excited, act rationally and talk to the boy gently. Inform him about the facts of life because, obviously, it is his young and fledging curiousity that had led him to such act. He'll understand since he is a smart one.