what would u do if?

Question

what would u do if u asked ur husband to not do a certain thing, and he says ok, then u find out he did it behind ur back? (its not cheating btw)..he is mad at me for gettin mad at him even tho he has lied to me and done what i told him i totally disaprove of and he promised he wouldnt do. it makes him a mean n hateful person when he does it, n i dont like him. he said its only this one time n since he hasnt done it in a long time it shouldnt be a big deal. but to me it is. a promise is a promise. and i am p.i.s.s.e.d and wont let it go.

Answer 1

your right....a promise is a promise no matter what it is

Answer 2

You have every right to be angry. A promise is a promise, and if he's sneaking around behind your back about it, then he just caused you to lose trust in him. Once trust is broken, it's the hardest thing to regain in a relationship.

I don't know if your husband is the "talking" kind or not, but you must sit him down and explain that what might not be a big deal to him, is huge to you. Explain that what he did goes much deeper than the simple act of doing it. He broke a promise, and he broke your trust. Tell him if your relationship means that little to him, that he chose this thing over your simple request, than he's not he man you thought he was. Ask him, if he had to choose to live without you or without this other thing, which one could he picture living his life without? If he really loves you, then there should be no question.

Then, to really hit home, if he doesn't say what you wanted to hear, then you can say, "Good. Then if I die tomorrow, you'll be okay, because you'll still have 'so-n-so'."

Answer 3

Well you need to reevaluate what is important, I mean you shouldn't really forbid him to do the things he likes unless it is something bad like being with another woman. What I suggest is to talk to him and you need to be openminded and if he really enjoys doing whatever it is that he does then maybe you guys can come to some kind of agreement. A man doesn't want to feel like you are treating him like a child. Put the situation in a different perspective, what if you wanted to go shopping and he didn't want you to and you went anyway because you knew there was going to be a pair of shoes on sale and you went, why would he then get mad at you? He shouldn't have said no in the first place. I don't know what he did or what you don't like him to do, but somethings aren't worth getting mad about. Rather just talk to him and maybe you can why he wants to go whereever it is that he goes. Good Luck!

Answer 4

You haven't mentioned what he's actually doing.

It may be something which he's doing out of a weakness or some sort of insecurity and you need to tackle the issue in the right way. Holding a grudge is not a solution to the problem as he too probably is not breaking a promise intentionally to hurt you. Try to understand of how you can help him overcome his craving for whatever he’s doing. He apparently needs help and you should be the one to help him.

Hope you’ll do what is right to resolve the situation in a right way.

all the best.

Answer 5

Well look at it like this...He's done it and you can't go back and make him undo it right?....So how about sitting down and discussing with him why whatever it is he's done makes you so uncomfortable. Perhaps, you could take him out to lunch/dinner, and talk to him in a serene and comforting environment, and not when you're still so heated about it. Also, remember we're all imperfect and tend to make mistakes. People lie because they're afraid of what will happen when and if they tell the truth....Let him know that you love him but that lying places distrust in your relationship and that where there is no trust there can be no love. Be patient and really listen to his side of the story.....Best wishes

Answer 6

You have a right to be darn mad.
You are right, a promise is a promise. Seems he can't be trusted.. that's a hard thing to go through.
Just don't believe him anymore. Remember at the same time, that if you are doing something to 'try and change him'. get it out of your thoughts now, cause you can 'NEVER' change anyone unless they are willing to do it themselves.. then it will still not be you that will help to change them, they themselves must make that commitment and do it.
All you can do is step back and wait.

Answer 7

If you are determined to stay pissed at him, then you might as well head for divorce court. Every couple on the planet has to deal with disappointment and that is basically what he did to you. Grow up and fight for your man if you love him. All you do by holding a grudge is upset yourself and drive him away. Ask youself if you have ever broken a promise. I'll bet you have.

Answer 8

It sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you, or he thinks it is a pretty trivial matter. I can tell that it will only make matters worse to press the issue with him. A relationship is a series of compromises, if its really that bad maybe you should consider that the relationship is not working out.

Answer 9

he probaly thinks that you can't tell him what to do and he doesn't care if you disaprove. i would just leave him to do it and when he talks to you after he has just done whatever it is then i would ignore him until later the day or the next day

Answer 10

This is all rather vague. If you added details about what he did, I'd have more of a basis in which to offer you my opinion.

Perhaps you should try couples counseling.

Answer 11

Its hard to give an answer when we dont know what he done. Next time, go into details.