I need your opinion if you have children...?

Question

My son is five. Sixth months ago my brother, his uncle passed away. My son seems to go back and forth. Sometimes he'll mention it and sometimes he will go for weeks without saying anything about it. Me and him do talk alot, we have a very open relationship. But lately he has become obssessed with death. Just asking me alot of questions. Like when is he going to die? How is he going to die? I talked to him so much after my brothers passing and now I am running out of things to say and he just keeps asking me and asking me. I told him to stop talking about dieing. So do you have any suggestions?

Answer 1

Go pick up the book Remember the Butterflies - age appropriate and discusses death in a children's perspective (ages 4-8).

It is NORMAL for children to speak about death - especially after a close relative to you has passed on.

I tell my own children and the children in my classes that death is a natural part of living - and that everyone is given a short time on the Earth. Let your son know he is loved and can ask you anything.

If your brother died after a serious illness, it is ok to discuss with your son all aspects of sickness - sometimes people die from old age, cancer, accidents, etc.

Good luck!

Answer 2

This is tough. I do NOT have children so unfortunately I can't say from experience. But I do undsterstand what you are talking about and it's actually quite common. First, I'm not sure how religious/spiritual you are, but this is an important time to convey the idea of heaven/afterlife/whatever, and you can look to local clergy for help in that area.

Also feel free to ask him "what do YOU think" when he asks you those questions. Also look to some children's books on the subject. I found two on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0870293214/qid=1151872603/sr=2-3/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_3/102-4788590-2342568?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

There are also lots of great resources online to help you talk to your child. Maybe get with the child's other parent, or another family member to help you. You've already done the right thing by talking to him about it, but don't tell him to stop asking because you don't want him to feel ashamed.

This is not easy, and I hope that all this helps!

Answer 3

okay Love 2 teach, carolyn b and 1 or 2 others had good answers. the rest of these people should shut up if they don't know. were dealing with a childs physcological well being and you people have to chime in just to get points. Children can be very afraid of death after losing someone. They can ask themselves questions like
Is my mom going to die too?
When am I going to die?
Is everyone in my life going to die?
Did they do something bad? Is that why they died?

Sweeping this under the rug, or hoping to divert his thoughts will only make him bury these questions inside. They will still be there and so will the fear.
There was a children's book. I think it is titled "Someone I love died" . One example used is of a house. What makes the house a home, what makes it special and important is the people inside. The family inside is what is important. The house itself is just an empty shell without people inside. So is our body. It is our inner soul that makes our body alive. When our body dies, our soul still lives on. The unique and special part is still alive.

It is common in our society for parents to prepare their children for the 1st day of school, for dating,for college, for marriage , for work,etc,. What we don't do is prepare them (or ourselves) for the one thing which we will all experience. Death. A 5 yr old is not ready for much of it but he still needs some answers. I'm gonna guess that your still looking for some as well. Seek out a church that teaches from the bible.
I'd like to ask all that are so inclined to pray for both her and her child.

Answer 4

Be honest and as open as you can with a 5 yr old. It is a phase. We all have a little morbid part of ourselves we tend to feed at some age. Make sure he has plenty of other events to go to and talk about. Death is not exactly REAL for this age group. It will pass soon enough. The less you talk about it, the sooner he will move on to the next obsession.

Answer 5

I am not sure that he is truly understanding what has happened to his uncle and is why he continues to ask questions. I don't know if you have any religious beliefs that your son can relate to, such as angels, heaven, God. Where you can tell your son that his uncle has gone to be with anyone of them and has some kind of picture in his mind why his uncle is gone. With him continually asking you when and how he will die, just makes me believe really has no idea what you mean about death. Hope I have been of some help.

Answer 6

He is trying to understand a concept that is just beyond his comprehension. He will continue this until he gets it. Show him a bug that is living, moving around, and one that isn't. Many of us get an occasional dead housefly on the windowsill. Have him examine it, and ask him what he sees is different between the two. Buy him a goldfish for a pet; many don't live long after coming home. Let him see that sometimes they pass too. Teach him of your faith or understanding of life, souls, and the final transition. Soon he will understand what happened when you both lost his uncle. Reassure him that no matter what, you will be there for him for as long as you have the choice. Part of this is his fear of losing you. My condolences for your loss.

Answer 7

My son went through a period of talking a lot about his own death, when he was about the same age.

It concerned me so much that I took him to a psychologist, but this person was ineffective in shedding any light on the problem so we didn't return.

After a few months he eventually stopped discussing death. I think that what helped him stop was when I'd briefly acknowledge his remarks but not overreact or discuss them at length.

You seem like a good parent to be so concerned about your son. Good luck.

Answer 8

It is perfectly normal for children to ask such questions especially after the loss of someone close. My suggest contacting a priest or proffesional or even your sons Pediatrician they can fill you in with better ways of approaching your son with this subject. We all question our length of stay on this world at some point in our lives so dont look at it as a negative subject for your son. Good Luck

Answer 9

Allow him to ask questions & express himself freely & openly. He is probally still very shooken up about loosing his uncle,& missing him very much. Talking about it helps him deal with his loss. If you feel that your answers aren't helping or that maybe he just needs new answers to his questions buy him the book "Tiny Red's Trip to Earth," it was designed to help calm the fears of 2-6 year olds as they try to understand the loss of special people who were part of their lives,it was published by Little Treasure Publications & you should be able to pick it up at any major book store. I wish you both all of the best & I hope this has helped.

Answer 10

Your son is going to be very curious about death considering someone close to you all died. It is something he needs to open up and ask questions about, no matter how overwhelming it can be to you. It's a hard experience for you both, and he's going to need your guidance through this, this will stay with him forever.