We were spereated almost a yr. I 'left' because our situation was volatile to say the least and I felt we needed some time. Alot happend in the 10 months and he felt I wasnt there for him ( although I really wanted to be he shut me out). He hooked up with a mutual frind I highly TRUSTED because she was 'there' for him through some rough stuff. He came down to Florida to 'work things out' with us. HE was here 5 wks and decided it wasn't going to work. He went back to NY to HER. She is 4 yrs my jr, has no kids, never been married or even in a long term relationship. Her responsibilities are her and her dog. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I can't seem to move past it. HELP! I have no friends here nad my mom hates him so she's negative about everything. I don't want to get even. I just want to get over it. I have no $$ for counseling, nor insurance.
2006-07-02 09:19:00 · 15 answers · asked by D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are gonna have to make friends and do something with your time. Remember idle time is the Devil's playground. If you are just sitting home around your mom all the time hearing all the negativity then you are just prolonging the hurt. Get out and do stuff to take your mind off of things. I know you said you are low on money, but you can meet people everywhere. Right in your neighborhood, maybe. Maybe at your place of employment if you are working at the time. If you are not working yet then maybe find a job and you will be killing 2 birds with one stone, you will make money and maybe make friends. Start doing things for you!!!!!!! When you get your hands on some money go get a head to toe makeover. I know that sounds crazy to you right now, but trust I have been there right where you are and I did just that. I amde myself over and it made me feel so good. The fact that you do not want to get even with them shows that you are a good woman. Don't give either of them the pleasure of making you so sad. Show them and yourself that you are gonna be better off without his sorry butt. Don't look at this as the end, look at it as the beginning of anew and better life. Just think, you have been given a second chance at life. It may not be what you wanted, but it is what you have been given. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Good luck and God bless you, I hope it all works out.
2006-07-02 09:41:03 · answer #1 · answered by whatshername 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Focus on yourself for now. Make sure you are taken care of, and your children are taken care of. If need be: get a lawyer involved. Look at this as a new beginning for you. Because he has eyes for someone else...does not mean that you have no value! Secure yourself a job with benefits. Take a class or two. Or get a degree. Find a support group thru a church, those are always free, and the people there will not be negative. You should stay away from anyone who does not support you. Explain to your mom that you understand her viewpoint, but that you need her support and not her criticism right now, if she can't do this for you, please remove yourself for awhile until you have built up a support network for yourself and your situation. This is an opportunity fo you to find new, true friends. Remember you are not a bad person because he left you, things did not work out and the events that followed only proved to you that it is over. After some time, you will also find new love again. :o)
2006-07-02 10:11:13 · answer #2 · answered by schnikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have a right to be angry as this situation sucks. First your husband betrays you and then it is with someone you trusted. That is lousy. Still on some level you have to accept reality. He is gone, even after trying to work it out he is gone. I firmly believe that the best revenge is loving yourself and living your life in a way that shows he is an idiot for leaving you. Find a lawyer. Some community mental health centers will see you for little or nothing. Churches have pastoral care centers for free. I think you need to think about getting a job and supporting yourself, your mom could help with the kids maybe. You need to start having some positive experiences for you. Go out with girlfriends, find a club or hobby group, go back to school whatever only make sure it contributes to your sense of self esteem. Hang in there, this is rough, and sure you are angry. But you need to find something else besides this guy who can't be there for you and the kids no matter what the reason. You need to start moving forward one step at a time. Be sure to get exercise which is great for anger and also makes you look good and feel better about yourself.
2006-07-02 09:38:34 · answer #3 · answered by doryanne949 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all get a job. You need money and insurance and a purpose in life outside of your children. Until you get financially stable, the betrayal cuts that much deeper.
I don't know if you ever get over something like that. I suffered a similar betrayal, except the woman wasn't a friend, and I just had to think of my marriage as a death to be mourned.
Allow yourself to grieve a little each day and the pain will get easier with time.
When you get a job, some money and a new man, it will pave the way to forgetting. But by all means don't sit and cry. And if your mother doesn't understand what you're going through, find a counselor or a friend to discuss it with.
Basically you have been given a chance to carve out a new life. You have to do that or you will never get over it.
2006-07-02 09:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by C R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath, relax and remember why you separated to begin with. He will not change and his real self will come out to her and when she sees that he is not always good to be around and their relationship can become "volatile" she too might leave him. Forget about him and forget about her as well. That friendship is over. He has children with you and will always be back and forth in your life. You must set up the groundwork for your children to get child support and protection against him taking them back to New York with him. You are about to go into battle and you need some help, get a lawyer and let him know that you are afraid of what might happen. You should also check with local assistance for financing and housing. Be positive in front of the children and don't cut their daddy down in front of them. Remember, they are going through this too. Hang in there the pain will subside. P.S. Don't take him back, ever. You are better than that. One more thing, ask mom to be positive about things and focus with you on your future and the happiness of the children too.
2006-07-02 09:41:44 · answer #5 · answered by AggieMom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing I could say you have two children and I feel mostly sorry for them and I don't know the full story but I have this feeling he don't want the responsibility it too much for him and this other woman have no children,now he thinking no children no work,no wife ,lots of freedom, he doesn't love her but love the money and freedom which is not right I so feel for you guys I hope you get over this and move on I know this is very hard and will take a lots of time with kids ,Kids is a blessing and now you have them do your best and put Child Support on this Jerk of a FATHER he not hurting you he hurting the children and they will feel this later on in life ,be there For Yor Children Believe me they will need your help
2006-07-02 09:28:25
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answer #6
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answered by Linda 7
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First of all I really wish you luck in this. I know you're hurt, and I would be too. You will really need to forgive them, you don't have to forget it, but forgive him. Make him pay child support, and hopefully alimony. It's better to be single and lonely than it is married and miserable. Don't worry about her. It is some crap that she took up with him, but she wasn't the one with the marriage vows.....he was. It'll take some time for this to heal...so take one day at a time.......and enjoy your kids. Don't feel sorry for yourself.......be a survivor....plan for you and your children's future. You'll eventually get some friends, but just be patient, and the best mom you can be for your kids. That is what's more important right now anyway. Best of luck sweetie, you deserve a big hug....I know what you're going through........
2006-07-02 09:30:27 · answer #7 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy a million: Leo Alexander James lady a million: Julia Violet Jane Boy 2: John-Sebastian Theodore lady 2: Audrey-Jane Ella lady 3: Elizabeth Juliana Boy 3: Felix Beckham lady 4: Lily Violet BQ: Boy likes: Alexander, Peter, Leo, Felix, James, William, John, Hugo, Jackson, Joel, Sebastian, Theodore, Oliver Boy dislikes: Hector, Lysander, Paul, Alistair, Elton, Anthony, Gabriel, Victor, Jasper, Casper, Dion, Ari, Glen, Paris, Aubrey, Marcus, Vivian, Asper, Ari, Dorian, Ray something i'm the two impartial on or don't have a reliable feeling in direction of the two way. lady likes: Anastasia, Penelope, Phoebe, Sophia, Helena, Julia, Violet, Jane, Lily, Juliet, Ella, Annabel, Serafina, Elizabeth, Juliana, Alice, Evangeline, Hannah lady dislikes: Josephine, Belinda, Nicole, Gabrielle, Arielle, Opal, Pearl, Serena, Jade, Alanna, Tanya, Celeste, Kimberly, Audrey, Amber, Cassandra, Chloe, Angeline, Selena, Kiara, Paula, Alannis, Clytemnestra, Angela back, something i'm the two impartial on or don't have a reliable feeling in direction of the two way. BQ2: From the names I made, i like Leo Alexander James, Elizabeth Juliana, and Felix Beckham!
2016-11-01 02:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He truly is a snake. He shut you out when he needed you most and lamed it on you. Think of it this way God got him you out of your life for a reason: he wasn't worth of you! It's a pity you have kids with him cause they will be the innocent victim in all of this. To get over the anger, if you're religious ask God to help. He can help you get over the anger and even help you forgive this terrible man because it's not worth it destroying your personal happiness and probably your post death future over a man who is truly unworthy of you. You owe it to your kids to move on and be the good parent they will need to get over the demise of their family.
If your not religious, try talking to any brother or sisters you have or other relatives it helps to vent Speaking about it helps relieve anger. then as it subsides you can make the mental choice of moving on.
And both pieces of advice can work in tandem.
Then one last thing. If his moved out already been EVERY single item that holds the memory of him. (That you children won't miss) IT helps.
Good luck to you and I'm truly sorry about what you've had to go through
2006-07-02 09:37:19 · answer #9 · answered by Kemo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know ur situation or background. If I were u, I would go out & get a job first. You have ur mum to help u out and support. Show him what he missed out. It will take time but u have to be determined. Once a woman is independence enough will attract other men. No men want a womam who whines all the time about their problems. You should not sit and drill into misfortune. Act positively and you will see result. Hope all is well & wish u luck. Don't waste ur time on the non important ppl.
2006-07-02 09:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by Yvette R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋