Did my husband do something honorable or foolish (see description)?

Question

While I was pregnant, he decided to get a better-paying job so I could stay home with our baby. One company (Co #1) wanted to hire him but was waiting on a contract for the project he would manage. A month went by and no contract / no offer.

In the meantime Company #2 offered him a job making 15% more than his current salary -- he asked for a few days to consider (really wanted time to wait for offer from Co #1 as he liked the people / project there better and they would pay more $). A week went by, Co #1still had no contract so he accepted the offer from company #2 over the phone (they put acceptance papers in the mail for him to sign).

Literally the next morning, Co #1 made him an offer and added even more $ to the deal. But my husband said he had already given his word and he had to stick to it. The Co#1 manager (and I) reminded him he had not signed anything, but he stuck with his word and went to Co #2 for less money ... what do you think of his decision?

Answer 1

Your husband sounds like a man of integrity. I applaud him.
Sometimes it is not just about the money!

He will make a wonderful father!

Answer 2

It is an Honorable Person that feels obligated by their word. In actuality, he was only slightly obligated.

He felt obligated, however even an oral contract must involve the following elements: Mutual Consent, Offer and Acceptance, Mutual Consideration, and Performance or Delivery. In your husband's case there was no mutual consideration (exchange of something of value - service for money) or performance/delivery (started working).

An HR person once told me that as the money maker in a house, you are only obligated to your family and no matter how obligated to a company you feel, the company's main business is to make money and it won't care who is there to help it.

Your husband is a good person at heart and for that you should be rejoicing.

As for the job, no one can forsee the future and if Company 1 or 2 is better than the other - no one can really say.

If the money was the only thing different between the 2 positions then I probably would have taken Company 1's offer.

You should ask your husband how he feels and support his decision, ultimately he's the one who has to deal with the politics at work, perhaps he feels he chose the best working situation - if Company 1 was slow to contract what else would they have been slow with? How much did they really want him? What took so long & why didn't they work it out with him while he was waiting? I am sure they knew he was looking elsewhere, were they just dragging their feet? Does Company 2 have more room for advancement?

Also - something you didn't mention was what state the contracts were written in. Is this a "Hire at will" state? If not that might make a difference in the answer.

I hope it all works out in the end...

Answer 3

All of the people that talk about "business is business" and that crap are reading too many "business" books and forgetting that businesses are made up of people and careers are made of relationships.

Your husband did the absolute right thing by sticking to his integrity -- even when contractually / business-wise he did not have to. He could have gotten the two companies into a bidding war (or tried to -- both could have just dumped with that approach) and then what would either company have thought of him, or what would he have thought of himself -- smart move man, you got more money but your word means ****

What he did was not only honorable, it was a wise business decision. Co #1 now GREATLY values him, more than they did when they made the 1st offer b/c they see what a man of integrity he is. He left them impressed and wanting him, and he will always have that relationship / company to fall back on if he needs it in the future, or chooses to again go find a better position.

Co #2 also values that he stuck to his word and did not exploit the situation and they will treat him well and consider him for advancement.

And you should be incredibly proud of a man that steps up to do what he needs to take care of his family, and does not lose his moral ground in doing so. What a great example for your kids on the way -- congrats!

Answer 4

He should have backed out of the situation that only had a verbal promise. His view of the business world is COMPLETELY distorted.

First of all, it's business, not personal. What this means is all decisions are made based on what is best for the participents. They may or may not be upfront with this. Controlling factors are only determined by law. Not by concepts of fairness that change from minute to minute. Your husband did not do something honorable because there was no honor to defend. He is playing by a different set of rules than what everyone has agreed to and it will eventually cost him big if he keeps it up. There is a great explanation of this in the classic business book, "Winning Through Intimidation". There are three types of people you will deal with in the business world:

1. Those who make decisions only in their own best interests and are up front with this so you can come up with a workable compromise.

2. Those who make decisions only in their own best interests but lie about this fact for personal gain and to fool the gullible.

3. Those who make decisions only in their own best interests but instead think they are being altruistic. When others don't sacrifice their own wants and needs for them, they react like they've been stabbed in the back by their best friend or that the people involved are acting completely "dishonorably". These people are CRAZY. And your husband is slipping into this category. Don't let him do that.

Business and real life are completely separate situations. He needs to learn that early if he wants a successful career. Company #2 understands this. Although they will curse under their breath, they would have fully understood if your husband chose instead to go with Company #1 because he hadn't signed anything yet. They have no claim over him and they know it (it would be a different story if he signed the contract but even that could be dealt with). Understand that, had the situation been reversed, they would have absolutely no reservations about calling up your husband and saying, you know what, we offered you the job but nothing has been signed and we found someone we like better....sorry. Best he understand this.

Likely, what would have happend, btw, is Company #2 would have attempted to sweeten the deal enough to get him to go with them. Company #1 and #2 are in competition for your husband and a bidding war is the result. Everyone understands this.....except your husband.

Not good.

Answer 5

He is a man of honor. I hope that he can pass that trait to your child. Now he didnt sign the papers so he was not under an legal obligation to go to company 2, but he did accept the job so they prob. told other people interested that they hired someone, so those people took other jobs. I think he did the right thing because things have a way of getting back around. WHO KNOWS maybe co.2 will give a better chance in the long run.

Answer 6

often, people's words are extremely important in terms of honor and respect. if he knew that company 1 could have called him at any moment when he talked to company 2, and he gave his word to company 2 that he would work there, then he should still go to company 2. i'm sure that the difference between the payments is not enough to compel him to sell his honor (his word). i'm sure your husband is not a money-whore (forgive the wording). even if he thinks that company 2 is bad and the people deserve to be lied to, he gave his word to them. perhaps he should have at least asked company 1 the status on the contract and even for advice on whether or not to go to company 2. if they had told him that they don't know and that it may not happen, then he had good reason to go to company 2. he wanted to support you and your baby, i'm sure. in such situations, he would have no good reason to gamble. in terms of game theory, he could have got a payoff of nothing if company 1 gave no contract, a medium payoff from a secure company 2 hiring, or a higher payoff if company gave the contract. he could have lost everything, so going with company 2 was a desirable equilibrium. i hope you're all happy with what he did; it shows he cares about you. the hero strikes again!

Answer 7

Sis, you should be grateful you're married to a man who keeps his word. If he is a man of honor, keeping his word to a company and signing for less money -- surely you can depend on your husband to keep his word to you on things of greater importance.

It's his decision, and you shouldn't be asking us. (That's a mild scold, ok?!) As I see it, your husband chose not only honor, but he was thinking about you (acting decisively in getting a job so you could stay home).

Company #1 waited too long. Didn't even update him. In the long run, I think that company might (even) be more problematic than the one which eventually hired him.

Answer 8

Well, he did give his word. It depends, really, on his personal ethics, but if he gave his word then he should keep it.

It may be foolish; I once turned down a job as a photographer for Ollan Mills because I'd taken a job working at Six Flags. I suppose if I hadn't been asleep when the phone call came I would have decided differently, but I've often wished I'd taken the photography job.

But it is honorable.

Answer 9

I think it was honorable because it shows that your husband is good at keeping his word..from what you wrote he really wanted the Co #1 job but went with what he promised. Either way your husband is making more money then he was with his original job even if it is by 15%....dont get mad because he did this for you, maybe Co #1 job just wasnt meant to be.

Answer 10

he seems to be a man of his word, principled and disciplined. I think its OK provided he doesn't end up being used or poor...I would have gone for the better paying job since i've not signed any documents, but ppl are different...or maybe the better job might be more challenging and involving and after much thought he just decided that he doesn;'t want to put himself thru such jobs again and decided to settle for something neater and easier, u never with men, personally i don't think he did anything wrong since he;s the one that will be doing the work and not u, but then TIME WILL TELL, just take it easy and watch out, he might be onto something there, u never know with men

Answer 11

Totally honorable. What it comes down to is integrety. It'll serve him well somewhere down the road and because he's taken that approach, good things will happen. The higher paying company didn't step up to the plate and make something happen. It's their loss, not his. What were they even doing hiring for the position when they had no right to even hire someone? I wouldn't sweat it for a second. He did the tough thing. But the right thing.