I think in retrospect it was for the best that we are divorced, but I still have a hard time thinking of myself as single and liking myself. I am intelligent, am getting a Ph.D., and have a good job and three wonderful daughters, but still I find it hard to take care of myself and feel good about myself. I have friends, but have not dated. Any advice?
2006-07-02 06:33:38 · 36 answers · asked by doryanne949 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The longer you are married the harder it is to get over it. Getting your PH.D must keep you busy and that is good. Three girls to look after is busy work too. Go to parties when invited, that is a great place to meet people. Get involved in group act ivies or join a gym. Don't worry about dating, it will come when you least expect it. When my husband died 5 years ago I asked myself how am I going to go on by myself but here I am still single and am enjoying it and we had a happy marriage. I get my way about everything. You should be proud of yourself raising three daughters and going back to school (for a PH.D at that) at the age you must be after marriage of 28 years.
2006-07-13 04:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by # one 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too was divorced after 24 years of marriage. It has been 8 years, I understand too well what your going through. They say it is one year for every five years, that we grieve. The first year was the hardest, the second confusing it is better now. Just becareful not to go out looking for someone to replace him. I married on the rebound...huge mistake of my life, just compounded the pain. Now I do some casual internet dating. It gave me back that zest for life. I'm ok now. The college thing really helped me too. It takes your mind off the present and gets you functioning into something else. Your ok, you just had a brutal assalt and it takes time. I couldn't quit loving mine even though he deserved much less than love him. Mine was hard because he left with a friend in church. I moved which made it easier and started a new life. I don't recommend it, was too much all at one time.
I went to a counselor once. The only thing that I left with was close your eyes ....where would you be? You'd still be divorced but where would you be if you could do or be anything in the whole world. Now make baby steps, he said, and go there.
I feel for you. Not everyone can understand what your going through...we are sisters of fire.
2006-07-16 06:08:52 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I would like to say I am sorry that you are going through this.
I feel that it might be the "not wanted" feeling that is mostly to blame. The only way you will get that back is to start seeing other men. Even if it is just for friendship. Hopefully you will get lucky and have a really good one "WANT YOU"....
You seem to have so many things going for you..... Don't let him take your good self image too.... Don't let him. Pump yourself up......Find your confidence again...... and live the life that YOU want. Please know that soon .... You will find your silver lining in this.... maybe 2 or 3.
And my last thought on this is..... the old saying that the best revenge is success. So find your balance in life and look ahead, not back.
I wish you well.
2006-07-16 01:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by vhawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me a divorce is worse than losing a spouse to death. Even if the break was for a good thng to do. I believe that is becsuse when we marry we assume this person whill alwasy be on our side, then things change and we feel betrayed. I know, been there, lived through that myself.- Married 26 years.
I believe it will always hurt, but the pain will lessen as tme goes on.
The important thing is that you now have the oppertunity to start over again. You will be wiser this timie.
Read this book R U the one 4 me? t will help choose better this time. Love again- it is grand!
Check out Yahoo personals.....it is a great way to meet singles, but you need to be cautious. Expect to kiss (or have coffee) with a thousand frogs or frogetts before you find your princess.
Hang in there and be ready for a second chance in life. third chance , fourth chance and so on.......
Takle good care of yourself. you need to love yourself first before you can love someeone else.
2006-07-15 12:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow 28 years of marriage come to end. He went with other woman??? you are inelligent woman and you getting Ph.D believe me once you got it it will help you so much. I know it been so hard on you and your 3 daughters. but you have to show your 3 daughters that things will be ok. and i fyou don't feel like it and your daughters do look up to you... Don't give up and do what you need to do. smiling.
Don't give up, take time to move on and show him that you even better than his woman and show him that i can take care myself and looking good and raise my 3 daughters better than him. show him that then he will look at you and say " WHAT HAVE I DONE????" Don't let him win. you have to show him and win baby. Smiling I know. I hope this help.. I am a guy and I know and I see like this.
Get your Ph.D. and you will have the best life ahead of you. Don't push yourself if not ready for date since you will be busy take care first your daughters and then you. smile.
2006-07-10 01:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are dogs sometimes, that said, It will probably take a long time to feel single again 28 years is a long time. but it sounds like you are doing the right things working on your PH.D. (way to go) just hang in there and focus on the important things in life
Good luck with your new life
2006-07-14 06:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working on a PHD....but what do you do for fun? Do you have a good circle of friends to do social things with? Maybe you should take time out for yourself and enjoy life and enjoy the fact you are out of a marriage that was obviously not a good one....even if it was 28 yrs in the making....
You're intelligent as you say above then open your eyes and see and apprectiate what is around you.
You need to start being selfish with yourself and learn to LOVE YOU and WHO YOU ARE!! Until you learn to love YOU, you'll never be able to move on and enjoy life with another person....
2006-07-12 01:05:07 · answer #7 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
28 years is a long time. You are an intelligent person so its time to put that intelligence to work. LOVE YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOU. If you are not comfortable dating yet, try going out on a double date or have a friend set you up on a blind lunch date.
2006-07-15 22:00:40 · answer #8 · answered by machelle6691 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop putting yourself down and having low self esteem. So your husband left you for someone else. You're not the 1st woman to go through this nor will you be the last. It's his loss not yours. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Take control over it and do things you want. Date when you're ready. Someday you'll meet a man that will fall heads over heels in love with you and appreciate and love you just as you are. He will agree with many other people...your ex was a fool to let you go.
2006-07-02 07:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a long vacation with a friend or your kids. maybe you need more time to get over it. its really hard for you since you were married that long. if you have a close friend or relative talked about it more often so it would release some of your burden. you have a good job and intelligent don't let your ex ruin your life. there's a lot more in this world in store for you, you just have to find them. good luck.
2006-07-13 05:26:23 · answer #10 · answered by lhee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋