if you tell someone you will love them forever and always belong to them but the relationship fails horribly..

Question

can you ever fall in love with someone else and say those things to her with any meaning?

I feel like if I even date another woman that I am betraying myself. ...and I am very romantic, I want to be able to say those things and mean them... but I know that everyone can mess up, make mistakes, and fall out of love.

what do you think?

Weeny, im single now and the woman I am referring to is my X. I dont have a g/f and im not even sure if I want one.

Answer 1

Sean, that sounds a lot like my experience with my first girlfriend (when I was a junior in high school and she was a freshman).

I'm normally very intellectual, and I don't like to take risks or state things that have the possibility of not being true. But the way I felt after a few weeks of dating led me to believe that I really loved her, and I told her similar things. We were very intense, and it felt very right...

... until four months into it, my emotions crashed and I broke up with her. (Long story as to the why, and I guess it doesn't matter here.)

The point was that I felt horrible -- not only did I crush her, but I had failed myself. I had made a promise that I apparently did not have the strength to keep. I remember writing a lengthy poem about how dark the world looked to me and how I would make myself spend the rest of my life alone, because I could not bear to fail again nor hurt someone else.

You meant what you said at the time. You had every intention at that time of living up to it. I don't know why your relationship failed (if she left, or you did, or it was mutual), but sometimes even the best intentions fail. This is something a person can only learn from experience.

I think it should just make you a little more wary about what you commit to in the future -- you now understand the feelings that are involved and how they could change. As they get older and more experienced, people get more realistic about their relationships. They understand that the other person will say they love them and want to be with them -- but sometimes things happen and it doesn't work out.

I think I just want to tell you it's okay to enjoy your relationships in the future. Don't be afraid and don't punish yourself in fear of making a mistake. Just be more aware of how feelings work, be a little more cautious in how much you commit (i.e., don't promise the world after a month of dating, let the relationship build over time), and share how you feel at the time.

You have great sensitivity and integrity, to want your words and actions to match up to the extent you do. Just be kind to yourself and let yourself enjoy any relationships you have in the future.

Answer 2

You are not alone in your thoughts, I feel the exact same way. It takes both people to feel the same for a relationship to work. That is the hard part. So for me, I just try to do the right thing, and would like to believe that it is not in our power to make the decisions. If it is meant to happen, it will. Try to enjoy the journey, and pay attention to what really matters. Unfortunately, I do not think there is a definite answer, but know that you are right in not wanting to do the wrong thing and betray your self, or the other person. And if it is real love, you will always love that person, even if you are not together. You can love someone and yet, know they are not part of your every day life. Be well.

Answer 3

Love is not a simple thing. Any relationship needs to be worked at by both people. When you lose common ground, you lose love. If you strive for it and the other one doesn't, nothing you do will save the relationship.

maybe you aren't ready to date yet, but you will find love again eventually. You might want to consider though why you said forever and always. If you were truly in love, then it will take some time before you will be ready to love again. Most people however, are in love with being in love. Try to take it slower.

The best relationships develop gradually and are accepting of each others good and bad sides. Not every relationship will succeed. When you are ready to love, do your part to keep the relationship going. Be open and honest at all times. Truly loving relationships have no room for secrets and "games".

In the meantime, as you move on, be careful of making eternal promises you may not be able to keep. Never say "I love you" unless you truly do. That term is ridiculously over-used these days. People say it at the drop of a hat and it means nothing to them. Trust me, when you find REAL and TRUE love, you'll know it. It won't be like anything you've ever had before.

Answer 4

Sounds like you're hanging yourself up on a legal technicality. "I will love you forever" is hyperbole or poetic license. It's not a legal contract. For starters, no one really knows what "forever" will entail.

I suspect you're just feeling burned. Love was supposed to be easy, and it turned out that it wasn't. Even if you could control yourself and your own emotions, you can't control the other person and their emotions. There are too many variables in the equation for it to be easy and predictable.

So try again. Next time go a little slower; date around a bit more; live together for a while before marrying; seek compatibility as well as love; and remember that emotions are fickle. After your experience with your ex, now you know better than to say "forever." So say "I love you so much" instead of "I'll love you forever." Use the present tense instead of the future tense. And if a woman absolutely insists on being loved "forever," tell her you'll give it your best shot. :-)

Answer 5

well if you really believe you love that new individual then you would say those things because we usually don't think about possible problems that could occur. however, if we think about those problems and the possibility of the relationship not working out, we might tend to not use that wording of loving forever unless we only wanted to charm the individual. after a long series of failed relationships in which that wording was used, we may just completely stop using it as our self-esteem probably went down. it might even be considered an omen or jynx on the relationships. i really believe that true love can happen only once for an individual, so i think the wording can really only be used once with meaning (not just trying to charm the lady, but actually saying what we feel). nonetheless, if you think that people can fall in and out of love (and you don't think these relationships were built on infatuation, which is different from love), then what i said still applies: if you don't think about the prospect of failure, you ought to use the wording, but if you do think of it (especially after many failures), then you shouldn't. as i like to say, great expectations (of life-long love) often yield great disappointments (breakups). hope i helped alleviate your insecurities my friend. the hero strikes again!

Answer 6

I was you a little more than a year ago.
I ended an 8 year relationship with the man that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. He was my world and I felt I could never truly love again - how can you give your heart and soul to someone and then take it back? But in the end, he did not adore me and could not give me what I needed emotionally, mentally and physically. It was a horribly painful choice to end it.

I never wanted a relationship again.

Then I met Dan and although he fell in love with me right away, it took some time to feel anything true for him. But once I allowed myself to let go of my past, I found a happiness that I never knew I could have. In fact, we were married in January and we both feel that our past struggle in relationships led us to find each other and be ready for each other when we finally met. Like that song by Rascal Flatts, "The Broken Road".... it was true for us.

You will find love and happiness with another woman. Don't punish yourself for a failed relationship - reward yourself with forgiveness and never close your heart.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

Romance does not mean, for a man anyway, that you give yourself to a woman forever. Thats a girls line. What I don't understand is how you feel as if your betraying yourself by seeking another relationship, she rejected you what else can you do. Stop mooping about and get back into the swing of things.

Answer 8

At the time, I'm sure you truly believed what you were saying. You had very good intentions. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but in order to move on, you need to let it go. Release the guilt. I think it would be fine to say it again if that is what you feel in your heart, even your heart can make a mistake.

Answer 9

So the first time you were wrong. OOOPS

Yes you will find another and love them even more due to the experience that you had. Being that you now know some of the warning signs to avoid when you are dating.

Answer 10

You don't have to say the exact same thing if you don't feel comfortable saying it. There are so many more other words and ways to express your feelings. If you are a romantic, then good for you. Some girl will appreciate you and let you be yourself.