My soon-to-be ex pleaded for his last chance ever, to straighten his act out after his infidelities after I told him of my decision to leave him for good while he is overseas. His family also pleaded for me to think it over for the sake of our two kids and not be too hasty.
He is still overseas on work assignment and will be back in a week's time. My mind is made up for this divorce but I am afraid that he would try with his sweet and persuasive words to make me change my decision when he comes back.
Any advice how not to be swayed by his adament persuasion?
2006-07-02 04:45:46 · 26 answers · asked by DiL 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, the actual last chance was given to him last year in Mar when I caught him having a secret relationship another woman. So, his last chance was used up. However, when he was caught again this year with a different woman, he asked for another chance again. Sigh....
2006-07-02 04:57:46 · update #1
How strong are you emotionally? Men are great at persuading and manipulating, and if you're not strong, then it will be easy for him. If you really want out, then don't give him a chance to plead or beg for another chance. Just tell him what you have to say and tell him that it's hard enough the way it is, and you don't want to listen to his pleas.
Obviously, this man knows that you are willing to put up with his infidelities and you will take him back. He is disrespecting you and putting your life at risk by having sex with other women.
I know that you are worried about your children, but what kind of example are you setting for them? What would they think if they knew that their father was having an affair, and you kept taking him back? They may think that it's okay for people to treat them the same way. Plus, if you live in a hostile household full of resentment, then it's not good for the kids.
If you want out, move out and have papers waiting for him. Stop giving him empty threats without acting on them. How many "last chances" can one person get?
Obviously, you really care about your husband. If you truly want to work it out with him, then see a counselor. That may be the only way he can change.
2006-07-02 10:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by someone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are certain you want the divorce, then that is what you should do. Do not stay together "for the sake of the children" - that is a lame reason to stay with a man who cheats on you. I can only assume that these infidelities cause you to argue and how good is that for the children? Also there is the risk of STD's, so be sure to have yourself tested, if you haven't already. My ex was a sweet talker as well and his mom tried to convince me not to get the divorce "for the sake of the kids". I got the divorce and it was the best decision of my life. Yes it is tough being a single parent, but he is still available to take the children for a weekend or a week or two in the summer. There is no more arguements and my life is in peace.
The sweet talking is tough to overcome but if you calmly and firmly explain to him your reasons for going through with the divorce and that you will not shut him out of the chidlren's life, you can overcome.
Good luck!
2006-07-02 04:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by Help Keep America Beautiful 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now the problem is between you an your husband found out what the true problem is an fix it ask yourself this did you drive him away to make him do what he did ,or is it that he is over seas an lonely if so make him quit is job an come home an work but i dont know the full story an you did not say much in your question but may i sugest you go by the book (the proper care an feeding for husbands ) by dr. lauria an read the whole book from cover to cover just remember if you go for the divorce remember you drag your kids into it an ruin there lives to so for the sake of the kids take a deep breath an think long an hard
2006-07-02 04:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by featherman_65018 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, like it or not it is best to wait for him to return before making the move to leave him it's only fair.
Secondly, forget the family, again I say, staying together for the sake of the kids only harms the kids more and teaches them that the unwanted behavior is ok.
Third, give him the chance if you think he is serious, but tell him that he has to get counseling for his addition to others (and not a woman counselor).
Fourth, if you just can't take it anymore, think of your kids when he starts sweet talking you. If you stay you teach them that infidelity is acceptable and they will either do it when they grow up or marry someone who does it to them.
2006-07-02 04:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by arvecar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that its hard to stay away from someone that says all the right things and possibly even does all the right things for a short period of time. But if its possible for you to find the strength then you should end the relationship. He will most likely cheat again in the future. And even if he doesn't will you ever be able to be truly happy and trust him again? It may not be worth much, but my advice would be not to give him another chance.
2006-07-02 05:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by Krissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... seems like another tragic is coming. Remember the vows you've made to each other? Remember how you smiled while walking down the aisle? There must be ways to solve the problem other than divorcing...Give him a chance to prove the world wrong... Project an idea to him that you'll be gone if this goes on. But at this moment if he still thinks that you'll forgive him if he repeat his mistakes then u sould really 4get it...
2006-07-02 18:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by Mervyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him another chance .. after all "to forgive is to actually love" and here it is just not u & ur hubby, but ur kids r also into this mess... a divorce willl affect them mentally & emotionally ... have an in- depth conversation with him once he is back about the kind of mess he has created 4 u & ur kids..think out of the box...
Often 1 gets sidetracked in life, but it is ur responsibilty to get him back on his track.. plz put all ur efforts & even after that if it seems not to work then u may separate..
Best of luck
Wish u'll be able to come out of it!
2006-07-02 05:01:47 · answer #7 · answered by Aquila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sitting here answering this with a deep sadness for you,him,and your children.But if you have made up your mind that this is how it must be,then you must stand by your decision.Explain to him that to keep dwelling on any hope of starting over,on his part, only will make the pain worse for you both. He is not going to like hearing those words and you won't like saying them.However the decision you have made requires them to be said. I wish you both more happiness than you have now.Broken Hearts are no fun.I have been through 5.
2006-07-02 04:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by asmikeocsit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have no idea why you want to divorce him since you did not mention that.... but if you have made up your mind than stick to it... there has to be some major reasons for your decision... but if you want to see if it works out for the kids sake well no harm done right.... what if he has changed you will never know till you give him another chance? And if he has not than you can always divorce him right.... atleast than you will never have the guilt feeling that you never game him a chance.
Also you can tell your in-laws that this is it if he screws this one.... they better not hold anything against you!!! And you better be strong this time for your and your kids sake!!!
2006-07-02 04:53:05 · answer #9 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends. In a way you should think of the children. Ask yourself do i want to raise my children all alone. U must do what is best. Then again take his *** to the cleaner's and make sure he support's u and the kid's. But think it over. Can u live on your own with out his income. With the world today is it rough being all alone and trying to raise a family. Do what is best
2006-07-02 04:50:28 · answer #10 · answered by mrsx2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋