have or would you ?

Question

have an affair with someone at work ? for how long ?

Answer 1

That is absolutely the worse mistake anyone could ever make in their lives! First, at work affairs are always dangerous. People always know because they sense the tension (sexual or otherwise) that exists between people. Of course, with people being the way they are, the couple involved in the affair may THINK they are being cautious and cool, when in fact it is obvious they are involved. The second reality is that the couple will become the fodder of a LOT of gossip, which can and will affect their jobs. Women are especially affected by this because they will not be taken as seriously as they would be if they were not involved. Men may be able to get away with it more, but the truth is that these relationships are bad and are doomed to fail.

If the relationship ends, that creates a whole other problem. People may notice that both of you aren't working up to par, or perhaps you seem depressed. Naturally, they will use this against you and say that the relationship is the root cause of the problem. Having an affair puts us in a position of subjecting ourselves to criticism or perhaps job loss and it is not worth it. You CAN be attracted to someone, as this does happen, but keep to yourself and shut up about it. Seriously. This is bad.

Worse still are relationships with a boss and a subordinate. It could be that the woman is the boss and the man is on a lesser level than she is, or the exact reverse, where the man is the boss and she is subordinate to him. In all cases and having witnessed it myself, the woman will be blamed. SHE will look bad. SHE will be at fault.

Even if you are single and date someone on the job this must be discouraged. When I was in my mid 20's I dated a guy for two years who worked in another department in our organization. I thought - naively - that people supported our relationship. In fact, while our friends were supportive, our respective bosses were totally against it! In fact, they viewed it and ME as dangerous - they thought we were discussing important and confidential business deals in bed and looked at ME like I was a bad girl. I was no longer trusted, regardless of my insistence that we didn't discuss work issues - and we didn't - but they all thought so anyway. I was livid and hurt. I learned that lesson.

Here's another example. My former best friend and I worked for the same place I just mentioned. She got involved with the Executive Director for quite a while (he was hot and cute, and close to our age), which was the dumbest thing she ever did. Not only did the Executive Director's former, long time girlfriend work there (she was also in a powerful position and was still very close to him), but my friend stupidly took advantage of her situation by coming in late all the time. She unwisely thought he would protect her, which he didnot. In fact, he bailed on her when she got a bad reputation and eventually was fired by OUR boss, who worked with the senior staff and Executive Director. My friend wanted to sue, but I advised her against it as she would have lost. What did she do at her next job? She got involved with her new boss and eventually lost her job! Dumb, dumb dumb.

As for me, I never forgot that first lesson, but I have been tempted a few times. Later on in my career, I was interested in a guy who technically was a subordinate -not to me, but someone else, who reported to me. The guy was seriously hot and we wanted each other badly. I was divorced at the time and in my 40's while he was about ten years younger than I. Fortunately, I did nothing to pursue the relationship, even though we confessed our attraction for each other. Consequently, nothing happened because if it had, I would have been in a heap of trouble and looked at badly. It would have been construed that he was garnering favoritism from me - even if that wasn't the case - and my actions could have been viewed as sexual harassment, especially if things didn't work out.

It's best to not pursue this.

Answer 2

GET A GRIP The MOST important rule of thumb, if you can't control your urges and need to have an affair DON'T have an affair with someone at work. NEVER NEVER NEVER with someone you work with.

WHY? 1-You have to face them when the affair is over
2-One or both of you more than likely will loose your job
3-Sexual harrassment can follow if one of you wants to
end it and the other doesn't want to
4-It makes the work environment uncomfortable for both
parties and those around them

Answer 3

I did and it lasted 3 yrs. He was commitment phobic. I think he was hiding a dark secret...too long of a story. I don't think it is wise to have an affair w/someone at work. I, personally, did not run into any work-related probs. but that is not the norm. Try to avoid if possible.

Answer 4

that would be the biggest mistake if you had a affair with some one at work rember you have to work with this person for a very long time and what happen if some thing go wrong with the affair then what happen ?????

Answer 5

I wouldn't have no affair with someone at my work place. Then things go from good to sour. You have to come to work and see this person. Then again, if you had a good freindship with him/her. Base on how it ended, let's say it ended bad. Then it's going to hurt both ways.
Then also, you could break the relationship off, let's say cause you want to be with someone else.He/she could be so head over heels for you. That it might end like in a fatal attraction.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

i really really REALLY hope that i would never do that. but i also know that i could mess up!

the best advice i ever got about this was from Christian radio (103.3 WCRF Cleveland, OH) and that is simply to put as much distance between yourself and that person as quickly as possible. It might not even be a bad idea to look for a new job. Once this person is out of your head your spouse can return to his/her rightful place in your head and heart.

Answer 8

I did her name was Jill.
she was married I was not.
lasted for almost a year.
we have a child named star.
Jill's husband thinks he is the father but he is not.
she said one day she will tell him but now.
i see Jill and star almost everyday.
and seance stars birth i have been friends with the husband
and star calls me uncle.it hurts but at less I'm in her life.

Answer 9

not at work, the people there can sniff that stuff out in an unbelievably short amount of time, it's bad enough among friends, lol

Answer 10

Nope b/c I'm totally in love with the man I have at home.