Her biological father left when she was less than a year old. My husband and I have been dating since she was 2. We have been married over a year. My husband has loved her like she was his our entire relationship.
I need advice on when and how to tell her.
Her biological father has recently come back into the area where we live, and called me once to see her. I told him that wouldn't be a good idea, she doesn't know you, and I don't want to mess up her head. And besides, he can't take care of himself, let alone a child.
I don't want her to think I've been fibbing to her her whole life, or hold it against me that I didn't tell her.
Any advice????
2006-07-02 03:21:03 · 11 answers · asked by chili_eaters 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't.......she is not near old enough. Wait until she is older.
I told my son, when he was older.....it is not important to tell her now.
Your husband is the only father that she knows; frankly, it takes more to be a "Daddy" than it does to donate (if you know what I mean)....your husband is the one that she will always remember that picked her up when she skinned her knee, or the booger-man came a call'n in her dreams..he was the knight is shining armor, or how about when she need a strong influence in her life and he was there......why worry about telling her now?
Is it really important that she knows....her biological doesn't need to be a part of her life right now, as a father figure....he needs to get his life straight, then he can ease back into her life, if that is what you deem is necessary....
Patients is the name of the game...take it from someone that knows about this from personal experience....
2006-07-02 05:32:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one. I was adopted at three and had always known this fact. I believe that it is easier for them to deal with at a younger age than it is when they are older. When they are teenagers, it can really backfire on you, no matter what your intentions are. My oldest daughter was raised by my first husband and I (we had two other children together too) and I waited until she was 13 to tell her. It really was a mess because she had so many questions and felt like her whole life had been a lie.
I think a lot of this would depend on how mature your six year old is and if you think she could handle it. As far as her biological father coming back into the picture...Is he a decent guy? No drugs, alcohol....stuff like that? If he is a decent guy, then I really do believe that she should have a chance to have a relationship with him. We all make mistakes sometimes, and it isn't fair to your daughter or her father too keep them apart.
Combined with a lot of love and possibly some counseling, I believe that your daughter could survive this. Kids are tougher than you think!
Good luck to you!
2006-07-02 10:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the child. My daughter is 6 and if I was faced with telling her this, I think sooner rather than later would be best. She is very independent and could probably manage to get her head around it. You can always tell her that her first (biological) Daddy had chosen to go away and live somewhere else but that her 'real' Daddy, the one she knows and loves as her Daddy, thought that she was such a special little girl, he wanted to stay and love her and you and look after you both.
2006-07-02 10:27:53 · answer #3 · answered by Tatsbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be better to let her know NOW than waiting until she is older. Tell her you want her to meet the man you were married to when she was born. And she should be in touch with her "real" dad or later on she will hate you for not letting her know him. Bring you and the ex together with her, and say, "...honey, this is your father. We were married along time ago when you were born." After the meeting, tell her the story in some way she can understand. Then tell her, her step-dad loves her very much and how fortunate she is to have TWO daddies. You will have to be on good terms with the ex in order to make this work for her sake. God Bless.
2006-07-02 10:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think now would be the best time she's old enough to understand the situation and you need to contact the child support agency trust me that's the best way to get rid of that dead beat dad, when he see court paper's he'll be on the other side of the earth and you still need to tell your daughter better now then later.
2006-07-02 10:28:17 · answer #5 · answered by aboitoi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to court and get his parental rights taken away since he was out of her life for over 5 years. I adopted a llittle girl who was left with me for 7 years then her mom came back. I won. You don't even have to tell her because the court won't make you. They suggest it but you don't have to.
2006-07-02 10:25:59 · answer #6 · answered by wisehahn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to tell her only because the real father is physically there. It's not going to mess her up to tell her that someone else is her real dad as long as he is there to visit. It would only be confusing if you just told her without being able to physically show her that...THIS GUY is your real father.
2006-07-02 10:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mmmmm.... six years ago would be a good time> Get family counceling as tyhis WILL COME OUT at some point.
2006-07-02 10:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by lickit_suckit_slammit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u dont hav 2
2006-07-02 10:28:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her now or you will regret it later
2006-07-02 11:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by hahol 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋